How do I ccpe

[petromany]

My hubby has spent the last 10 days in respite, whilst I had a holiday break with my daughter. On my return home, I came into chaos. Evidently he has broken down a gate and cracked a a window in his endeavour to get out, and generally been agitated and very unsettled. Home had to get Consultant Pschyatrist and Mental Health Nurse in, and along with the carers in the home they tried to calm him down.

They did their upmost to control the situation, but in the end had to resort to prescribing anti psychotic drugs to control his anxiety. He has been home over a week now, and still unsettled. Our own GP has had words with me, saying the Home couldn't cope really and wondered hw I could possibly cope. They are saying it is now time to consider residential care where he can get 24 hr care.

I don't know what to do for the best, he is a very complex case (according to the Pros; and his needs are more than I can deal with. However, how do I get around this, he has still that little spark in his brain somewhere and is fighting against it.

Is now the time to make a decision, b ut I do not want him to be in a Care Home for years and years, and this is where the guilt starts, Why cant I cope, am I doing something wrong is handling the situation, and how far along the line is he.........

Oh I am in such a turmoil and worried sick about everything, and a little scared as he is quite strong and since he has been home has pulled a panel off in the bathroom furniture.

In despair, has anyone experienced anything like this and can give me some advice please.

 

[jaymor]

Hi,

I have not experienced destruction and though my husband is not big he has become extremely strong since getting dementia.

What I have experienced is what you are at the moment. Wondering if I could possibly give any more. My husband was admitted to an assessment unit ( voluntarily) and it was the 5 professionals involved in his care there who told me his care was now beyond what I could deliver. His needs were complex. I thought he would come home again once his medication had been tweaked. I got that wrong.

I don't think many of us do realise when we can do no more and we continue. Seeing the care my husband has had for the last twelve months I now know it definitely was wrong of me to think I could keep going. Maybe he would not have needed the assessment unit if I had not thought I could give him the best care at home. I can't turn back the clock but I can say hand on heart that I know my husband is now where he gets the care he deserves.

Take care

Jay

 

[geordie]

Not experienced your situation but I suppose we have to be guided by the more objective view of professionals about what level /quantity of care we can reasonably provide - I suspect our emotions/tiredness etc don't place us in the best place to make the assessment
best wishes to you to both

 

[petromany]

How do I cope

Hi,

I have not experienced destruction and though my husband is not big he has become extremely strong since getting dementia.

What I have experienced is what you are at the moment. Wondering if I could possibly give any more. My husband was admitted to an assessment unit ( voluntarily) and it was the 5 professionals involved in his care there who told me his care was now beyond what I could deliver. His needs were complex. I thought he would come home again once his medication had been tweaked. I got that wrong.

I don't think many of us do realise when we can do no more and we continue. Seeing the care my husband has had for the last twelve months I now know it definitely was wrong of me to think I could keep going. Maybe he would not have needed the assessment unit if I had not thought I could give him the best care at home. I can't turn back the clock but I can say hand on heart that I know my husband is now where he gets the care he deserves.

Take care

Jay

Many thanks for your comments will try and take them on board,but it is so hard isn't it !!!!