Dave - I wouldn't entertain such a relative in my presence again! Everything that has been said by those not 'in the know' not understanding any of what we go through is so true. Fortunately mum and I don't have many close, interfering relatives to contend with, but I've had absolutely ridiculous comments from some of her remaining friends/peers (she is 90) - "have you tried giving her some honey - it may help", "is she getting any better?", "it's your fault this happened as you didn't let her mix with her own people" (I did!), "this happened because you moved to where you are" (and then quoted a part of the country over 100 miles away!), and, more recently, her brother from overseas on the phone - "but listen, I'm trying to remind you".
Mostly I'm avoiding speaking to these people as they just wind me up (I certainly don't ever let them speak to mum on the phone). I think conversations with the brother overseas will have to stop as well.
All we can hope is that one day these people may have some understanding of what we've been through. Either way, some of them have annoyed me so much with their insensitivity that I don't ever want to speak to them again. Once mum has gone I will, fortunately, never have to have anything to do with them ever again! Maybe at that point I will really tell them what I think of them. I've been far too polite so far!
The only thing that bothers me a bit is .... and I know this is awful while mum is still alive ... but ... there are certain people I absolutely would not want to come to mum's funeral, when the time comes (because of what they have said). I might just forget to tell them!