I`m intrigued! Reading all the tales of woe where families are really struggling with difficult relatives who have no insight of their condition, and are making life hell for their relatives .I just wonder what experiences people have had of getting their relatives into home ...lying cheating..subterfuge.sectioning or truth??? I have met many patients in hospital who finally go to EMI placments ..assesed by the psychs..recognised they are not safe to go home ..families relatives cant cope ..so they go in from an acute ward, and it baffled me why this didnt happen from home.. I know understand ..because it is a nightmare for relative sto find a way to get people placed who flatly refuse to go and do not recognise the enormous burden they are placing on their relatives. My own experience is with MIL who was a delightul lady. widowed for a long time firecley independent who sadly developed ??alzheimers vascular dementia 2 is years ago and declined very quickly. With a lot of lying and cheating and liason with her GP we documented outr concerns ..she was seen by her GP .referred to the memory clinic..who initially scored her quite highly ..but after 6 weeks realised just how muddled she was (usual story very bright ..all social skills in place..knew how to smile and say how are you dear what a lovely day etc etc ..pulled the wool over the professionals eyes on brief assesements. Great old age psychaiatrist talked to us and counselled us about what to expect ..abut diversionary tactics..recommended applying for attendancew allowance..also to get in as much help as posible asap. As a family we needed time to digest this information and come to terms with it..expecially her children..certain amount of denial. recommended we consider placement and start to think about it when we felt she was ready. Registered POA... dragged husband round EMI residential homes..early on looked at prices..started to look at what we liked at what we didnt....talked to social services..establishesd her financial position ..self funding....started to put in carers ..no chance..she didnt recognise she needed help and sent them away .....so looked for EMI day centre..and although she refused persevered with the help 0f the nurses there..and although she ran down the drive and threatened us with the police her scial skills were such that the nurses came out to take her in and she went fairly willingly. At the end of the day alsways said what a lovely time she had. After being brought back by the police atr midnight after another wandering episode looked in earnest for a home..day centre home .no beds..so looked nurther afield near another relative. Chose a lovely home with everything we knew she woudl like ..garden dog no agency staff lovely homely atmosphere. She went to daughters ..we moved her clothes and furniture over. Did not tell her (she cant retin information for more than 10 minutes) Day dawned for admission ..no discussion has taken place withj Mum.we picked her up fro her daughters drove her over (she had visited before no dea why but had enjyed it) stayed with her for a music session ..as they went into lunch we left..nurse was just eplaining she would be staying for a few days she was threatening them with the police .... Phoned the next day ..she had tried to escape out of the window..but they had restarined her ..quite cross. Dc had atended mildsedation given to relieve agitation. Home were in regular contact advised us not to visit for a few weeks until she had settled, but gave us regular updates. She was settling day by day (she had been very agitated at home) We finally visited her last week. We were abcoluely dreading it ..frightened of recriminations anger tears..and difficulty leaving She was settled ..not drugged..happy enjpoying the company of the staff busy around the ome..looking after other old ladies...busy with a duster and happy. Staff had prepared her for our visit she knew we would be ging and offered a cuppa before we went. They were wonderful ..she waved us off from the window.. she did have a few tears because clearly we were triggering old memories but she son cheeredup when we changed the subject I really wondered about the legality of what we had done and worried about her. But the home have been wonderful she has settled is much happier because the carers are always cheerful they have time off and a shift system. She has consistency a daily routine which she is settled with. No agency staff so goodcontinuity, and her agitatiion has gone. She was looking increasigly stressed at home and she would argue bout everything which was not her nature. Was getting crosser and more aggressive by the day ..and we were not managing at all. We carefully selected the home for her ..and then lyed cheated and bamboozled her to get her in. I dont regret it for one minute. And I dont believe many people with relatives who have alzheimers can have a reasoned discussion where the relative says..of course dear pop me into a home whenever you want! She is happy and safe ..we have our lives back .....worth the agony!