How di I help and talk to my mum when she doesn't realise what is wrong with her?

[smudgedog]

Hello everyone,

My wonderful mum was diagnosed with alzheimers in June. I am still trying to accept the diagnosis and feel so sad seeing my mum so different.

The thing that is extra difficult with my mum is that she doesn't realise she has it. She thinks everything else has changed and is changing around her and that it's not her. She can't understand why everything has changed. Why is she in this house she doesn't recognise? (even though she has lived there 40 years), who are we all? (her husband and daughters). She only 'got to know' us again recently but she can't remember having us or marrying my dad. I wish I could talk to her about it and the problems she is experiencing but I can't because she doesn't know what is wrong. When we have mentioned alzheimers, she gets very angry, almost like we are insulting her. This makes it so much harder. Any advice would be greatly received on how to deal with this.

Thank you so much

Thank you

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[faithhill]

my mom does same thing, but is so mad at me for putting her in a care home she will not let me visit with out demanding I take her home

 

[faithhill]

my mom does same thing, but is so mad at me for putting her in a care home she will not let me visit with out demanding I take her home

 

[TinaT]

I've always found that a good way to diffuse a forgetful situation is to take it in your stride as if it is a quite normal state of affairs to have to tactfully explain who you are etc., etc., or if it isn't important at that moment, then to just ignore it and change the subject. I think memory comes and goes and this is the cause of the confusion for your mum. If at all possible use distraction. I've found that if I change the subject to something which the person is interested in it does help.


xxTinaT

 

[Limber]

Smudgedog, how quickly did she progress to this point? Just curious as I'm wondering if this can happen literally overnight? My dad has early onset and we are seeing a deterioration.

 

[lin1]

Hello Smudgedog
This is such a horrible illness.
I dont know if you have read this thread on Compassionate Communication.
apologies if you have
It may help some of the time, to be honest I found explaining some things to my mum, like I was her daughter, she was my mum, my dad was her husband etc, did not go down well at all, she just couldnt believe it, as she was too young (80s) to be married let alone have a middle aged child (me)

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

 

[lin1]

Smudgedog, how quickly did she progress to this point? Just curious as I'm wondering if this can happen literally overnight? My dad has early onset and we are seeing a deterioration.

Limber
Am sorry to read your Dad has deteriorated rapidly

A sudden deterioration can sometimes be caused by an infection, a UTI (urinary tract infection), chest infection are the usual culprits
such infections in the elderly or those with Dementia can be Subclinical ie none of the usual outward signs such as a temperature or cough, but will cause a sudden dip in Dementia symptoms , these often but sadly not always start to improve once the infection has cleared

So I suggest you take a sample of urine to be checked and get the GP to check for a chest infection.
If no infection is found then I would contact Dads consultant or CPN

 

[Limber]

Oh thank-you lin1!! He does have a prostate infection that is being treated for the third time :-/ Do you know if this type of infection would do the same?

 

[lin1]

Oh thank-you lin1!! He does have a prostate infection that is being treated for the third time :-/ Do you know if this type of infection would do the same?

Hi
I believe any type of infection even a cold can cause such a dip.

Three times your Dad is greedy
Have they discoverd the type of bacteria and using the right Atibiotic to clear it, sometimes a broad spectrum Antibiotic is not suitable

 

[Limber]

Oh thank-you. We are so new to all this. My poor mother has been trying to care for him. I will look into this right away. We had no idea his infection could be making him worse This disease is horrid.

 

[Limber]

He only just had his 63rd birthday He's not old.

 

[Izzy]

Sorry to read about your dad Lin. Yes 63 is so young to befit with this. I agree about infections. My mum used to change dramatically with a UTI. My husband also changed with a chest infection as well as a UTI.

 

[annii1]

my mom does same thing, but is so mad at me for putting her in a care home she will not let me visit with out demanding I take her home

I have the same issues,mum so angry that she is in a care home. She has no insight that there is anything wrong, feels we everyone is colluding against her. It makes visits very difficult.