How can we help?

[MrsB911]

My mother in law was diagnosed with dementia a little over a year ago. She is in the earlier stages but she struggles with cognitive things like making a cup of tea or brushing her teeth, reading , writing but with the long term memory she is ok.

At the point she was diagnosed the doctor commented that 'there was nothing they could give her' for the dementia, no medication that could help.

A year or so on she is becoming very confused and frustrated. She comments that she knows what she wants but she can't work out when she's doing it wrong, what she's doing wrong. She knows she wants to make a cup of tea but her brain can't work out how to put all those bits together to make one. She's starting to get very low and down and has given up on trying to read or right saying that she just can't do it because of 'her problem.'

We have suggested that she goes back to the doctor or support group to speak to them but unfortunately she is scared to go. She is convinced he's said that he can't help so that's it (despite us saying that was before these problems developed and it's work going back) and she's terrified he'll just 'put her in a home'. Even though we've told her we won't let them.

Her husband, our father in law / step dad is a bit reluctant to seek help. They have tried a dementia cafe and didn't find it helped and he says h'e s been on a course and got some leaflets but what more can he do? - I am convinced that there is more help and support, for both of them out there. I am sure the doctor might be able to help or there might be some coping mechanisms we can implement to make her life easier but I don't know where to start to help either of them.

I am wondering what would be the next step? What can I do to learn how to help, what can they do? And is there anything we can introduce or suggest to help with her frustration. She loves travelling and holidays and my father in law is even thinking about stopping this because of insurance costs and because she gets confused packing - I don't want her to lose all her freedom and everything she loves as it's really depressing her.

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer us!

 

[Beate]

What kind of dementia was she diagnosed with? It is true that dementia medication is usually only available for people diagnosed with Alzheimer's or mixed dementia which contains Alzheimer's. There are medications for anxiety or depression, but that's a different kettle of fish. So the fact that she has deteriorated does not necessarily mean that any medication for her dementia will be available to her.

It's difficult if a PWD is in an early stage where they can acknowledge that something is wrong but not what it is. One thing I always found helpful is the compassionate communication article:
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

"They are scared all the time. Each patient reacts differently to fear. They may become passive, uncooperative, hostile, angry, agitated, verbally abusive, or physically combative. They may even do them all at different times, or alternate between them. Anxiety may compel them to shadow you (follow everywhere). Anxiety compels them to resist changes in routine, even pleasant ones. Your goal is to reduce anxiety whenever possible. Also, they can’t remember your reassurances. Keep saying them."