How can I help

Concerneddaughter24

New member
Aug 15, 2022
6
0
My dad is 74 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in March 2020 just before we went into lockdown. My mum is 64 and is dad's primary carer. Given the timing of dad's diagnosis the support they have received so far has been limited although there is an element of mum burying her head in the sand too. Dad is deteriorating and mum is his safety blanket. Dad can still do his own personal care at the moment but mum is his emotional crutch and he is reluctant to let her out of his sight, follows her around the house, frequently wakes her in the night for reassurance and gets anxious and cries if she leaves him at home to pop to the hairdresser's etc. I think dad is suffering from on anxiety and depression but they have not approached the GP regarding this.
I have pushed mum to access support from the Alzheimer's Society and to attend a carers support group. My concern is that I believe my mum is rapidly approaching burn out - she is exhausted and is crying and upset every time I see her. I have suggested it's time for a carers needs assessment and an assessment for dad too but she's reluctant to have any involvement from social services. My concern is that she's going to burn out completely and make herself ill. Should I keep nagging and pushing her to get support or is this just adding to the pressure on her? I'm currently on maternity leave so I'm visiting them regularly with my 6 month old to try to offer support and there are family members who offer to help but mum is very reluctant to ask for help and insists everything is fine. Mum is a retired midwife and can offer dad the nursing care he increasingly needs so I think she feels she should be able to do it all on her own but I can see the cracks appearing and they both seem so unhappy. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,928
0
72
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @Concerneddaughter24

I’m so sorry to read about your parents. It does sound like your mum is approaching carer burnout.

I know they will probably resist it but I think your dad should have an assessment of needs and your mum a carer’s assessment. Contact the Social Work Department and tell them exactly what you’ve told us - use the word vulnerable, as they both are.

This link might help -


I would also contact their GP. It might be best to write a letter so that you can set out all of your concerns. They might be able to persuade them to have an appointment as a ‘routine check up’. I know that some members here have had success doing it that way.

You will get lots of understanding and support here and hopefully that in turn will enable you to help your mum.

Keep posting.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,363
0
Newcastle
H @Concerneddaughter24 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. We are a friendly and supportive community of people who have wide experience of dementia and what it entails.

I am sorry to hear about your dad. Caring for someone with dementia - even when family members help - can become overwhelming. People on this site have been through this and will be able to give you some suggestions on how best to support your parents, including options for respite (everyone needs a break) and care options in the longer term.
 

Concerneddaughter24

New member
Aug 15, 2022
6
0
Thank you - I've discussed the needs assessment with Mum again and she is very reluctant to have any involvement from adult social services at the moment. Mum has agreed to have counselling with the local carers support group which is a great step but I think I'm going to try a letter to their GP too.