1. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,903
    Female
    Oh - Canary, your mention of the PAT dog just reminded me. I couldn't go in to see my mother last week as I have a coughing virus, but OH went in, and the senior carer said that last Tuesday they had a petting zoo in the garden! Donkeys, tortoises, rabbits etc. My mother would have absolutely loved that. OH said my mother kept talking about 'lovely white things' in her hands, and I assume she was referring to the rabbits!

    The owner also has a dog (docile, elderly) who comes in and does the rounds with the residents.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,809
    Female
    South coast
    Oh that sounds like a wonderful day @Sirena
    They never did that at mums care home, mum would have liked it too.

    The was a carer who, while she was on maternity leave, brought her baby in for the residents to see and had all the ladies cooing over him. Its the things like that which really make a care home, home.
     
  3. campervan21

    campervan21 Registered User

    May 4, 2017
    173
    Sounds lovely, PAT dogs, mum recently went into a home and one of the carers takes her dog in, which mum loved, it's these things that make a difference
     
  4. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Hi All
    Thanks for your comments. I will let you know when we've spoken with the managers at the end of the month.
     
  5. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Hi All
    I have just returned from a visit to mums. My sister and I visited the 2 care homes to speak with the home manager. Both seemed very welcoming and informative about the dementia care at different stages ( thank you for suggested questions from TP friends) It was also good to see that activities were going on in both homes ( keyboard player and singing in one, and flower arranging in the other). We decided to put mums name on the waiting list for both,there are spaces available now but we would like to keep mum at home for the summer. I have been online to order name tags in preparation and suddenly it seems more real. Already I am starting to feel guilty and questioning our decision. Mum needs help with shopping, laundry which the family sort on a weekly basis as well as bill paying, cleaning, day care , house maintenance etc . I wonder if she could cope if we got carers to do shopping, wash sheets etc as is getting too much for the family? But then I still worry about her not showering, changing clothes, brushing teeth , taking antibiotics when required etc, and know that carers couldn't be relied on to time visits for when required (they're often varying tea time visits by an hour as it is). Also there are often poo smears in the bathroom, wet floor at all times of the day , which mum sometimes walks through and transfers round the house, so then I think that she does need more care than carers at home could provide, but worried that even though we have Poa Health , the people in authority SW, SS, doctors , may not agree!!
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,809
    Female
    South coast
    You could always try carers during the summer while you are waiting @anxious annie

    If it works then you may decide to defer the care home, and if it doesnt this may reassure you that you are making the right choice
     
  7. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    532
    Female
    High Peak
    Please don't worry @anxious annie . You and your family have tried and done everything to keep your mum at home but you know it is no longer possible. You are doing the right thing because you are getting her the help she needs.

    Look at it this way - she won't be any better next month or the month after... (sadly.)
     
  8. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,903
    Female
    Do you anticipate your mum being relatively amenable to moving? As she is self funding there is no need to involve SS or anyonelse.

    Over the summer you could try increasing carer hours so they can accomplish something useful - like the laundry, housework, and helping with personal care (washing, dressing etc). It would give your mother the chance to get used to having more help.

    But once you start thinking it's time for a care home, it probably is.
     
  9. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,062
    I agree. If you think the time is right and you've proactively put your mum's name down, then deep down it's probably going to be the right decision. You can only do so much
     
  10. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Thank you for all your replies, everyone
    Mum will be self funding, but not amenable to a move as she believes she is still looking after herself!! She obviously isn't, in reality she can get herself up and dressed ( no shower or clean clothes unless we are with her), and she can make herself a cup of tea, cereal or sandwich, but not able to do any other tasks. Over the past couple of months, once we told the carers not to ask mum if she needed a meal heating up , just to do it ( after advice from TP), things have improved and mum is now having a hot meal and accepting of carers. We will try to organise a morning visit to coincide with mum getting up to prompt that personal care and change of clothes, and put on laundry. This will help my sister who is doing the burden of the caring as she lives nearby. My sister will still do her shopping and visit one day at the weekend, but will have more time for her own home, husband and grandchildren!! I will update you all as things progress
     
  11. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    I have spoken with the care company and sorted some morning calls to prompt personal care and change of clothes, plus laundry. My sister says she will continue with the weekly shop as she can do this at the same time as her own and drop off when she visits mum at the weekend. We have also got the cleaning company to do another visit each week as mum seems more willing to let them clean, rather than the carers so fingers crossed that this will work out and could push back the care home . The name tags arrived today so I will take them up with me next time and still start to label clothes, just incase things don't work out. Since I returned last weekend my sister said, having read in the communication log that there are comments such as "declined a cup of tea" , "not ready for tea yet". After all we said about not asking just to make and present the tea it seems like a step backwards. I hope it's just a blip and things improve this week!!
     
  12. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    I came up to mums on Thursday as she had a dental appointment yesterday for a filling. That all went well, and her next check up is next February, so hopefully all will be well until then. I'm feeling frustrated as having read mums communication book and speaking with my sister it feels like things aren't working out with the morning calls we recently put in place. Evening calls the carers do a microwave meal, but are still writing things such as declined a cup of tea, even though we have said countless times to just make it for mum. Morning calls are a bit of a disaster! The carers time of arrival can vary by 45 minutes and sometimes mum is up and dressed, so still not changing clothes, or she's in bed and telling carers that she wants them to leave as its too early. They've only managed to time it once when she was in the bathroom so could remove her clothes and change sheets. But the they put the sheets on to wash, mum told them to go , and the sheets stayed in the machine until my sister was there 2 days later. I would have thought the carers would have mentioned it to the office so evening carers would check!!Carers are supposed to be there one and a quarter hours so can do the laundry, but mum sends them off. It's a complete waste of money. If only mum would accept the help she could be OK at home for longer, but it's just looking more like a move to a care home will be the only option. She is ok with the cleaners coming twice a week, that has helped a bit, but there are often times when the bathroom floor is a real mess, or poo stains on the bedroom carpet. It's obvious mum has tried to clean up, it must be horrible for her, she knows something isn't right but is fiercely independent. Sorry for the long rant, I'm just so anxious about the future for her and know she will dig her heels in about residential care!
     
  13. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Hi all
    Just updating on the situation with mum. I was there a few days last week as mum was on antibiotics and getting confused about taking them. I arrived to a trail of poo in the bathroom to mums room, tho the rest of the house was fine as the cleaners had been the previous day. The morning visits are no better than in my previous post as timings are very hit and miss. Mum seems to be eating very little, other than the microwave meals, and my sister is throwing out tomatoes, salad, fruit, bread, yogurt etc every week. She doesn't seem to be drinking much either, am wondering if she is just not feeling thirsty, or has forgotten how to make a drink? Whilst I was there my sister had a call from one of the homes we'd put mums name down for, to say there's a space and we have decided to go for it. My sister and I popped in to see the room, it's just being painted, carpet taken out and vinyl floor put down as easier to keep clean. It also has a toilet and sink ensuite. The room will be ready for mum to move in at the end of the month. I know that mum will be warm, well fed and have company, but part of me still wonders if it's the right thing to do as I know mum wants to stay at home. We're already dreading her reaction and if she will cooperate with it!! I will update to let you know how it goes
     
  14. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,062
    It sounds like the right decision. My mother-in-law was like this, poo everywhere when I used to come in, food not eaten, dehydration, forgotten to drink....you know 24/7 care is the only option
     
  15. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Thank you for your reply Rosetta
    I think deep down I know it's the right thing to do to keep mum safe.
     
  16. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,809
    Female
    South coast
    Im sure its the right thing to do too.
    When I was reading your post about the poo trail, not drinking and throwing out food, I was thinking - um, is it time for a care home now? Then when I read that there was a room available and you had decided to go for it I was relieved.

    Its always a monumental decision to move them into a care home and wondering whether you have done the right thing, but there comes a time when you have to change from enabling their wants to enforcing their needs.
    Your mum may settle better than you fear. My mum was adamant that she wouldnt move into a care home and fought tooth and nail over it, but when it finally happened I couldnt believe how quickly she settled. She thrived in her care home and was happy there. I have heard others on here tell similar stories too.
     
  17. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Thank you for your thoughts, Canary. You've made me feel that we are doing what will be best for mum, and your positive comments about your mum have made me feel better about the decision.
     
  18. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Hi All
    Well, it's assessment day on Thursday and hopefully if all goes well a move to the care home the following week. We're dreading what mum will say when they ask if she wants to move into care ( an old colleagues dad said he wouldn't go during his assessment and they ended up trying with a live in carer) !, Not what we want to happen with mum.
    Then the next hurdle will be actually moving her in. I'm not sleeping with thinking what could go wrong and just hoping she won't refuse to go
     
  19. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,903
    Female
    I wonder how common it is for the assessor to ask if she wants to go into a care home. No PWD will ever volunteer for that (well, maybe 1 in 1000!) so if it was one of the criteria the care homes would be empty. If they do ask, I hope they have good tactics to avoid a no. The assessment should be about whether they can meet her needs. I guess you have already spoken to the manager and explained what the issues are?

    I well remember the three months of hell while I was arranging my mother's move to a CH, I am not sure how I got through it - but I did, and so will you. Stay strong, and let us know how it goes.
     
  20. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Hi Sirena
    Thank you for your reply, it's eased my mind.i assumed if mum said no they'd suggest more care at home , which we don't think is a good idea as it hasn't been working . Yes will update on Thursday to let you know .
     

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