Hello everyone.
As many of you know, my father went into permanent care in mid november, and finally settled into a second home after suffering abuse in the first 'care' home. Dad is actually doing ok now in the second place, all things considered - his AD is of course progressing - but he seems to respond well to many of the staff members, he eats well and doesn't seem to be upset to not be at his own home. I'm not sure he really realises he's not at home any more, which is a blessing in many ways. The care staff really do seem to care for him - they cannot believe that the other place restrained dad at all, let alone 24 hours a day. They call him a pussy cat, and say all the time how lovely and gentle he is, and what a pleasure he is to look after. He falls less now, and anyway he wears hip protectors for those times he does. We would rather he had the freedom to move if he wants to and are willing to risk him falling, rather than restraining him and taking away his freedom.
And as regards that other place - well the investigations are still going on but the care commission in Scotland have told us this is the worst case they have ever had to investigate - we should have the results by the end of this month hopefully. I think that all 14 complaints made by us are being upheld. And two people are still suspended.
Anyway this post is actually about my Mum. Mum is really depressed. I completely understand why. This is the first time she has been on her own. She is only 67 - and she really misses Dad. I think she also feels very guilty (this is a guess) about the abuse Dad suffered in the first care home. She has said she knows its not her fault, but she has also now said she won't ever go away anywhere and leave town because she can't bear to leave him. I think this is because Dad suffered abuse whilst she was down here in the south of England visiting me. She spends every afternoon in the care home. She is very involved in his care still - she takes home washing, does ironing, sorts out his clothes, brings in food etc. This is ok, she has looked after Dad so perfectly for over a decade and I understand her wanting him to continue to receive her care.
But she's started avoiding social situations because she says she can't bear to speak to anyone. And as I said she won't leave town. she won't even plan a weeks holiday in August with me because she says she can't leave Dad.
She said she can't cope with people asking her how she is, because she isn't good. The slight problem is that she has a tendency to be a little bristly and snappy when she is emotional. I think with her close friends she could be honest and just say, I'm not good. But I'm also aware (as a past sufferer of depression) how hard this is.
I talk to her every day. I'm planning trips north to see her and dad. And I encourage her to be very honest with me and tell me how sad she is. And I tell her it's ok. But I don't want me to be her only lifeline. I don't think it's that healthy. I'm also encouraging her to go to her GP and ask to see a counsellor. I did this years ago and it really helped, and she knows that.
I wanted to ask you all though, those of you who have been in both my situation and my Mum's situation - am I doing the right thing - if not what should I do. can I do more?
Thank you all
Love Lesleyx
As many of you know, my father went into permanent care in mid november, and finally settled into a second home after suffering abuse in the first 'care' home. Dad is actually doing ok now in the second place, all things considered - his AD is of course progressing - but he seems to respond well to many of the staff members, he eats well and doesn't seem to be upset to not be at his own home. I'm not sure he really realises he's not at home any more, which is a blessing in many ways. The care staff really do seem to care for him - they cannot believe that the other place restrained dad at all, let alone 24 hours a day. They call him a pussy cat, and say all the time how lovely and gentle he is, and what a pleasure he is to look after. He falls less now, and anyway he wears hip protectors for those times he does. We would rather he had the freedom to move if he wants to and are willing to risk him falling, rather than restraining him and taking away his freedom.
And as regards that other place - well the investigations are still going on but the care commission in Scotland have told us this is the worst case they have ever had to investigate - we should have the results by the end of this month hopefully. I think that all 14 complaints made by us are being upheld. And two people are still suspended.
Anyway this post is actually about my Mum. Mum is really depressed. I completely understand why. This is the first time she has been on her own. She is only 67 - and she really misses Dad. I think she also feels very guilty (this is a guess) about the abuse Dad suffered in the first care home. She has said she knows its not her fault, but she has also now said she won't ever go away anywhere and leave town because she can't bear to leave him. I think this is because Dad suffered abuse whilst she was down here in the south of England visiting me. She spends every afternoon in the care home. She is very involved in his care still - she takes home washing, does ironing, sorts out his clothes, brings in food etc. This is ok, she has looked after Dad so perfectly for over a decade and I understand her wanting him to continue to receive her care.
But she's started avoiding social situations because she says she can't bear to speak to anyone. And as I said she won't leave town. she won't even plan a weeks holiday in August with me because she says she can't leave Dad.
She said she can't cope with people asking her how she is, because she isn't good. The slight problem is that she has a tendency to be a little bristly and snappy when she is emotional. I think with her close friends she could be honest and just say, I'm not good. But I'm also aware (as a past sufferer of depression) how hard this is.
I talk to her every day. I'm planning trips north to see her and dad. And I encourage her to be very honest with me and tell me how sad she is. And I tell her it's ok. But I don't want me to be her only lifeline. I don't think it's that healthy. I'm also encouraging her to go to her GP and ask to see a counsellor. I did this years ago and it really helped, and she knows that.
I wanted to ask you all though, those of you who have been in both my situation and my Mum's situation - am I doing the right thing - if not what should I do. can I do more?
Thank you all
Love Lesleyx