How can i exercise my rights?

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Pete R

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Jul 26, 2014
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Staffs
Happyharry,

I must commend you on the way you write your posts and the language you use as they are so clear and easy to understand. Much better than most of the legal/court officials I deal with on a regular basis.:)

I am unable to offer any help apart from the fact that although judges can often be wrong it can be best to follow their lead as sometimes when they do not side with your views it may well be that they are suggesting it is time to reassess if you are going down the correct route.

From what you have said (and obviously only one side of the events) it may well appear that your Brother has squirrelled away some of your Mother's pension over the years however it will be very hard to prove. The only way you will know if the Police will get involved is to ask them. You may be lucky and find it is one of their "targets" this month.


Below there are some quotes from your posts and they have given me questions which obviously you do not have to answer.

Did anyone have Power of Attorney for your Mother? If not who did you assume was looking after, not only her pension, but also her well being. To be on CHC your Mother would be pretty poorly and as you say "locked in" so would not have capacity to do things herself. Who was looking after her best interests?

Why was it you had no say in your Mother's funeral or burial place?

You have seen notes from the home & medical records but did not you or someone else actually see how your Mother was being cared for, clothed or the state of her TV or furniture? You say your Brother only gave her a small amount of money. Did she actually need any more?

I do not ask to be harsh in anyway however you seem very aggrieved with how your Mother was treated whilst alive, with how she was buried and her finances. Is there a reason you did not question any of this at the time?




All these years, I have never asked how her pension was being paid on her behalf. I assumed somebody must be looking after her interests and I trusted them to do right by her...................................................
............................................I am therefore sure, upon reflection, that he put Mum in the wrong grave to vex me for the foreseeable future..........................................................
I have a note from the nursing home which records that he was "happy" for them to smash all of Mother's furniture and electrical items, suggesting that she had the same television since 1999. He also let slip that her clothes were ill-fitting and he suggested this was because she was old and infirm..............................................................................................................
..........................................I have a note from Mother's earlier medical records in which she is recorded as being deeply concerned with a photograph in her room of some children. She kept telling the doctor that they have no food. I am heartbroken that my mother might have had to suffer the indignation of being kept on less money than a dog, but had no way to express herself due to her locked in syndrome.
 

Pickles53

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
2,474
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Radcliffe on Trent
Hi and first of all I'm sorry I don't have time today to respond in more detail. My 2-year old grandson has managed to break his leg two days before we go on holiday to New Zealand for a month. So I'm trying to pack while babysitting 7 month old grandson while his parents are at the hospital.:eek:

So just to pick up on one small point which may save you some time, if you receive CHC funding the NHS pays for all your care and the £24k limit is irrelevant. You could be a millionaire and you still don't contribute, just as you wouldn't pay for your medical care in hospital.
 
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Raggedrobin

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
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One small point from me, too. I had assumed your brother had power of attorney and that was why I couldn't understand why he didn't have a bank account in her name. However without PoA I don't think he could easily open an account in her name. He should, though has still opened a separate account for her pension etc even though it would have to be in his name.
 

happyharry

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Jan 20, 2015
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Happyharry replies

Yes, I perfectly understand your questions, Pete R. You might find my reply below rather interesting.

In fact BB has made big advantage of my own lack of contact with Mother. As for MB, he has a good reason for being absent in that he lives perhaps 7 hours train journey away from her.

Because of TV programs like Jeremy Kyle's show, hopefully people are better informed these days than to think family matters are all sweetness and light or alternatively verging on mutual destruction. We now understand it is possible to love one's parents but not like them very much at all.

Our mother brought us up from infancy in a pervading atmosphere of her own creation, based on hatred and loathing of our father. She never missed a single opportunity to bad-mouth him. She was the recruiting sergeant for her little army to support her against the arch enemy, her husband. I am confident that these days, her conduct would be recognised as child abuse. In my adult life, I have met women who very similarly dedicate their lives to hating their husbands for unknowable reasons. We, as brothers, have grown up psychologically damaged as a result. There is no substitute for a secure home for children. From about age 10, I suffered with a crippling phobia that I was unable even to mention to my mother. It continued to blight my life till age 50, when at last I was able to talk about it.

Our youngest brother died of a drugs overdose at age 33. He told us, perhaps six months before he died, that his life was "finished" because of the way his father brought him up, but his father did not bring him up. Our father was typical of his generation in leaving the child-rearing to the Mrs. However, infant children do not have the intellectual capacity to question what their mother tells them. We were taught rigourously to despise our father and learned our lessons very well.

BB was told to live somewhere else as soon as he could fend for himself (age about 15). That might well be the only decision our parents made together. He had to go, because his only pleasure was tormenting his younger brothers, which caused endless daily disruption to the household. He would trap us face up on the floor and drool phlegm over our faces. Sometimes, he could not suck it back in time to stop it reaching our faces.

It was only at age 14 or 15 I began to understand my father. He had no idea of the poison being put into our minds by his wife because she was careful (out of weakness) to wait until he was absent before she taught us how horrid he was supposed to be.

A time came when our youngest family member could no longer share his mother's bedroom and someone had to move into Father's room. Although Father suffered with a wasting lung disease and Mother did not empty his chamber pot, I volunteered to be his room mate because I wanted to get to know him better. I got to like my father, and for the first time, I began to wish him a good night. However, he went and died, just as I was beginning to understand and love him. I cried bitterly for months. My brothers thought I had lost my mind. My father was the ideal father for a family of young boys. One day, I mean to ask my brothers - ?What did he do that Mother was so hateful of him, because I want them to think about it and realise he never did anything wrong.

For these reasons, I regard any inheritance I get from my mother as just as much a compensation payment as a natural gift from her love and affection.

Mother was always capable of intelligent conversation and a wise answer to problems. She was very helpful. One day, someone took her away and, in her place, wheeled in this silly old woman and told me she was my mother. I tried to be a faithful son to her but, due to human frailties on both parts, it became impossible. I invited her to my home for a week and she replied I would be glad to see the back of her. Never, said I. However, she was right. Her Alzheimer's made her so infuriating - (every five minutes, endlessly she asked, have I taken my tablets? have I been to the toilet? have I had my breakfast?, what time is it?) - I became totally intolerant. At one point she made a mug of tea in a Busby (British Telecom) mug and I told her she was not to use it because she did not make anyone happy.

Long before then, there had been a thread of hostility between us. I was in the army and travelled hundreds of miles to stay with her at leave times. When she opened the door to me, her expression was blank, she could offer no smile, there were no jokes and no conversation. Very shortly she would ask when I was going back to camp. It took me a number of years to realise that this was the reason for my severe depression whenever I went back to my home town. Until then, I continued making the long journey and being disappointed. I remember on one visit, I playfully jerked her wrist as she was separating the coals in the living room fire and she pointed out (rather unnecessarily) how much stronger I was than she. Many years later, she reminded me of this, but in a context in which she seemed to be afraid I would hurt her. I was baffled and stung, as I had never raised a finger to my mother or ever threatened any such thing. I felt sure she was confusing me with someone else, but I did not know who that someone else might be. Over these long years, my mother would make excuses for me not to "have" to visit her, mainly reciting difficulties with public transport and ?what if I lost my job from getting back to work late, which, I believe, I never actually did. I did my best to build bridges with her following my father's death, but nothing "took".

When Mother went into a care home, I visited her just the once. She seemed settled - is all I can say. Not seeing her became a circular problem, as I was sure I would not recognise her again and baulked at the idea I would go in and sit with the wrong old lady.

That is why I do not know if her clothes fit or her furniture was poor. I had also assumed (correctly, over her first 10 years) that some social worker was handling her money for her. There was no power of attorney, although BB included an item of payment to his solicitor tending to suggest he had obtained one. (I was to find out later that by that time, Mother was too ill for him to proceed). BB was appointed to receive her pension in 2009, but told us nothing of it. I can see no reason why he would not have been able to open an account in her name, much as a parent might do for a junior.

BB appointed himself to deal with Mother's affairs after her death. His case for having kept back over £5000 of her accumulated pension receipts was that there might be an unseen debt yet to pay. If that was ever so, the question arose why he gave away her specialised armchair, for which he had issued a cheque from her account in the sum of over £1000, only 10 months prior. His reply seems to be that he disposed of her furniture because it was dilapidated. It is his own claim that her clothes did not fit. He says that in 2009, he re-paid himself nearly £2000 from her pension for items he bought her using his own money in 1999, including a TV. After Mother died in 2014, a nurse made a note that he said all her electrical items could be destroyed, suggesting, if so, it was the same TV from 1999. As there is not a shred of evidence for anything BB says, I have to extrapolate from the little he lets come my way.

When our younger brother died some 20 years ago, Mother wanted us to remember him with a family memorial. He had been saving for a new motorcycle, and so there was rather a large sum of money left that Mother distributed between us. Despite this windfall, neither BB nor MB would contribute to a memorial, so Mother and I set one up without their participation. I told both brothers that I was ashamed to be included among them. I told BB not to write, phone or send me any cards. He has made big advantage of this fact.

Shortly after this, Mother and I were returning from a visit to the new memorial and the bus route took us past the cemetery where Father is buried. At this point, she confided in me that she did not want to be buried with him. You will understand her feelings about that, following on from the story I have recited above. She was still lucid at that time. She asked me to ensure that "they" did not put her there. I believe she used the word "they" to mean persons she could not identify, as we all do.

When Mother died some 20 years later, BB made sure not to begin communicating with me directly, so I got meagre information from him via MB. I told both brothers of Mum's wishes, in fact on three occasions. Both brothers knew that Mother did not want to be buried with her husband. Indeed, MB knew that she had positively wanted to have her ashes scattered under the oak tree on the hill behind the family home.

At the cremation, I received no information from anyone as to what was proposed or decided for her remains. However, I thought it might be out of place to ask. I also received no information as to whether there was to be a wake and I still do not know where the mourners went afterwards. Effectively, I was left on a remote hill-top in the fog and rain while everybody got back into their cars and drove off. While I was waiting for news about the remains, MB phoned to say he had been discussing with BB the location where younger brother's ashes had been scattered. MB told me he needed precise directions how to get up the hills above our family home to his resting place.

Shortly after this, I received a letter from BB via MB seeking my consent for the erection of a tombstone on a grave that he had identified by a serial number. When I phoned the cemetery staff to enquire what grave it was, they told me it was my Father's, and that BB had already interred Mother's ashes in it.

Remembering that BB had sniggered when I had asked him and MB to club together with me to buy a tombstone for Father, I replied to BB to say I wanted him to promise me he would at last include a remembrance of our father on the tombstone for our mother, and told him that my consent was conditional upon getting his word.

BB replied to say I had stopped him putting up a tombstone and fell silent on the matter for several months. Hence, I applied for letters of administration and, as the saying goes, the rest you know.

In regard to the judge's decision making, he stated three times that he did not understand my claim. On the third occasion he said it, he looked at his watch and pointed out that 40 minutes had passed. That, however, was when he started issuing oral directions. I rest my case...

Thanks again, everybody
 

Raggedrobin

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
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Hi HH
I had a feeling thag emotions were running high behind your questions. I know you said what you wanted are 'hard facts' but perhaps part of the problem is that none of this is simple enough for people to be able to reply to in nothing but legal terms.

I can understand that you had a difficult relationship with your mother but that you tried hard with that and how tragic that your relationship with your father was cut short. Re your Mum, there are quite a few people on here who have discussed the huge difficulties of dealing with a parent that they didn't get on with, for various reasons. Not easy, at all. i'm very sad that you lost your brother, too. I lost a sister and know it's not easy when that happens.

I really don't think you should worry about threadbare furniture or ill-fitting clothes. The former, well, people with dementia prefer the familiar, so my mother has a terribly tatty chair but it's her chair and she sticks with it. Clothes in care homes quickly start to look awful because of the constant washing, all in high temperatures. They may well be ill-fitting because like many people with dementia she could have lost weight in the end. The thing is, there is no point in dwelling on these things now, or blaming BB for them, either.

I can easily imagine your relationship with BB. In childlike terms, he nicks the ball and then teases you with it but won't give it back. When you have the ball, you have learned to be stubborn and use all your intelligence to hold onto it, when you can. These patterns become so ingrained, hard to let go. So his ball this time is the money/documents and you are thinking of everything in your power to get that off him. It must be using a huge amount of energy and you are both going to revert to tyoe and fight your corners.

I agree with an earlier poster that even though judges may sometimes be wrong, he has advised you because he thinks your claim is going nowhere. I am afraid you will spend endless emotional energy on this and will end up with far less money if you pursue it. And I think MB and BB are right to not want to fund your case, so it will be you paying. Why not listen to what the judge said? i also think this has got so messy, can you not all agree to appoint a solicitor, not to chase up bits and bobs of money from your BB, which it is really doubtful you can prove, but just to administer the estate, for a fixed fee, so that he, not you, is liable if there is any debt due or further delays. I am not judging you on this, but I also think that not having seen your mother for years and not having taken an interest in her chair/clothes/tv etc would make it impossible if you are trying to accuse your brother of some sort of embezzlement/neglect.

As I said before we know that everyone deals with grief in different ways but you may well be causing an awful lot of harm not just to yourself but also your two brothers by not allowing anyone to get closure. It is odd your BB didn't accept your offer but maybe he doesn't have the money or something, in which case you need a solicitor onto it, not yourself, in my opinion. family is a weird old thing, I speak from experience, but it seems sad to end up estranging yourself from your MB just to prove BB wrong. I hope you will find the inner strength to just say 'enough' and let it all go.
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
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Great post, Raggedrobin.

I think you would benefit from talking therapy.

All of these childhood issues would be better talked through with a Counsellor,
and strategies to deal with your feelings need to be explored to enable you to move forward
.
And I do believe it's time you moved forward.

Guilt, regret, anger and resentment are cannibalising emotions.

Help yourself, seek support and then you will move on.

Best wishes



Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

happyharry

Account Closed
Jan 20, 2015
21
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Happyharry replies

Thanks.

In case any of you have lost the point, all I wanted was to ensure there was a tombstone mentioning my father, not just my mother. Knowing BB, if left to him, there would not have been.

Before I applied for letters of administration, I wrote to the Probate Office asking them if it was possible in principle for them to grant me letters for a discrete part of a larger estate. Their letter was rather sniffy and I took it to mean no. In fact, I have since learned that part-administration is entirely routine and that is what they should have replied.

When I got the letters for ALL the estate, it was natural that the DWP wrote to me. I did not want anything of this. I was dragged further and further into a right quagmire left by BB. From the start of my enquiries with him, he refused absolutely to cooperate.

I cannot be blamed for getting ****** *** with his continued antagonism, which is even more intolerable knowing that he should have grown up by now. He even refused to co-sign the life insurance claim - twice, but no doubt he will want his share of the proceeds.

I am entirely calm in my own mind and do not need talking therapy or grief counselling thank you very much. I have been landed with a very difficult job and I am doing it very well, as I do all the jobs I have.

In regard to my parents, very quickly after I left home to go to college, I realised that I was dragging them around in my head and could not relate to the new people I was meeting because of it. I made a conscious decision to divorce my parents, whatever that means, and since I did that, I have not looked back in anger but seen to myself. I have not done too badly. Get that straight. I am not sitting around rueing my lot and regretting the past. My brothers are a pair of *****, but that should not stop me doing my job properly. It is perfectly alright for me to share my problems with folks in a forum online as I know what helps me and what does not.

It might be helpful to point out that I am equally ****** with the judge as with BB. Apparently, like most everybody else, he believes that I have to prove BB did something wrong before I can exercise any right to access the estate information in BB's possession. I have never come across that rule of law before. I regret if anybody has understood me to be dealing with my past as if it were more of a problem than the present. Please understand that while the past comes to a head because of the recent turn of events, I am dealing with an acute concern irrespective of the historical setting. The present entails me in deciding what is right and proportionate for a brother who is happy to admit his mother wore ill fitting clothes while he stashed up her money in the bank. Let nobody suggest I am refusing my brothers to find closure. Closure is where I started out, it is what I have offered along the way and it is where I intend to finish up. But closure done to a standard, not to a price.

Thank you.
 
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theunknown

Registered User
Apr 17, 2015
433
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Hi Harry
I can't help you with your own situation (what a surprise that must be!). I'll just try and explain in simple terms what my experience is:
My mother was sectioned:
I was already the executor for her will;
I was told that she would never again live indepentantly;
I'm now the deputy (through the Court of Protection) for her finances and property;
When I rang the DWP to tell them about my mum's change of circumstances I was told that they'd only make it official when they had an original court order;
The DWP told me that they'd only send the original court order back if I enclosed a covering letter asking for them to do this, and then added if I sent a copy they wouldn't return it (so they don't even seem to know themselves if they need a copy or an original);
Even though I'm a deputy and will later on be an executor for my mum, I have no idea how the benefits system (in this case, the DWP) works. Giving your brother the benefit of the doubt, maybe he's in this position.
 

Pete R

Registered User
Jul 26, 2014
2,036
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Staffs
Yes, I perfectly understand your questions, Pete R. You might find my reply below rather interesting.
No not interesting just very sad indeed.:(

I can see no reason why he would not have been able to open an account in her name, much as a parent might do for a junior.
The reason would be that is against the law, your Brother would not have any legal access to it and the DWP would not allow it. Also even if your Mother had an existing account this would have to be frozen by the bank as she did not have capacity and there was no PoA.

Your Brother could have opened an "appointee" account in your Mothers name which could only accept DWP payments but opening an account in his own name is also permitted by the DWP. Yes it should be separate from his own money however if he did make mistakes over the years proving fraud is going to be very difficult. Just because you think there was fraud it does not allow you access to his own personal accounts hence the decision of the Judge.

To become an appointee requires a personal interview so it would appear the DWP were happy with your Brother as were social services. I do not see the requirement for you to be informed at all with you self imposed lack of involvement. They would also have done a reassessment of your Mother's entitlement to any benefits and so could have been the ones who instigated the pension credit increase.


From reading the rest of the story my opinion is that you just want to continue a life long argument with your Brother(s) and never wish to see it end.

You wanted nothing to do with your Brothers nor took any interest in your Mother and the care she was receiving for 15 years. Now that your Mother has sadly died it appears that you want to take full control, alleging illegal activity on the only person that took any interest in your Mothers welfare and attempting to force your own wishes on all concerned.

I find it troubling that you expected to be invited to the wake. Why on earth would you want to attend? And why are you so bothered where your Mothers ashes are buried? Surely the time to be interested was whilst she was still alive.

You say you only got involved because of a headstone. If that was the only reason then why on earth did you not just do it yourself? It could easily come out of the "compensation payment" you feel you are owed from your Mother.



Mum had a long and desperately unhappy and fraught marriage with out father, only staying together for the sake of the kids........
If your Mother could have seen the future do you think her decision would still be the same?:rolleyes:


I am happy to be guided by your comments. Keep them coming, please.
The therapy idea seems sensible to me also.
 
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happyharry

Account Closed
Jan 20, 2015
21
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happyharry replies:

No not interesting just very sad indeed.:(

The reason would be that is against the law, your Brother would not have any legal access to it and the DWP would not allow it. Also even if your Mother had an existing account this would have to be frozen by the bank as she did not have capacity and there was no PoA.

Your Brother could have opened an "appointee" account in your Mothers name which could only accept DWP payments but opening an account in his own name is also permitted by the DWP. Yes it should be separate from his own money however if he did make mistakes over the years proving fraud is going to be very difficult. Just because you think there was fraud it does not allow you access to his own personal accounts hence the decision of the Judge.

To become an appointee requires a personal interview so it would appear the DWP were happy with your Brother as were social services. I do not see the requirement for you to be informed at all with you self imposed lack of involvement. They would also have done a reassessment of your Mother's entitlement to any benefits and so could have been the ones who instigated the pension credit increase.


From reading the rest of the story my opinion is that you just want to continue a life long argument with your Brother(s) and never wish to see it end.

You wanted nothing to do with your Brothers nor took any interest in your Mother and the care she was receiving for 15 years. Now that your Mother has sadly died it appears that you want to take full control, alleging illegal activity on the only person that took any interest in your Mothers welfare and attempting to force your own wishes on all concerned.

I find it troubling that you expected to be invited to the wake. Why on earth would you want to attend? And why are you so bothered where your Mothers ashes are buried? Surely the time to be interested was whilst she was still alive.

You say you only got involved because of a headstone. If that was the only reason then why on earth did you not just do it yourself? It could easily come out of the "compensation payment" you feel you are owed from your Mother.




If your Mother could have seen the future do you think her decision would still be the same?:rolleyes:



The therapy idea seems sensible to me also.


It is incongruous of Pete R to assert on the one hand that I want to continue a life-long argument with my brothers, but in the next breath, observe that I have said I wanted nothing more to do with them.

Why do I get the impression Pete R’s agenda is not to inform posters but to be disagreeable?

I have explained in plain terms that BB was content to see numerous burdens falling from his hands into mine but to deny me the means to discharge them. Meantime, he retained all authority over those matters but kept me in a position of responsibility for them. That is how I got “involved” and, despite the inherent unfairness of BB’s conduct since I obtained letters of administration in August 2014, I have remained even-handed and eminently patient with him. During all these months, I have taken all possible steps to persuade BB to deal with me on equal terms. His adamant refusal to do so has prevented me from having any practical basis from which to proceed with my duties to settle the estate. He absolutely refuses to let go of the things that give him the upper hand. He does not see that this is impoverishing us and destroying things of value.

That is why I had taken the matter to court. It was an attempt to restore our lives to normality and a degree of certainty. However, when the judge stated three times that he did not understand the claim, and began making decisions that were manifestly wrong, I reasoned that the court was not the last resort I had hoped it would be. I asked BB to agree with me to withdraw the claim on terms entirely to his advantage but he refused. That was so illogical I have to believe that it lacked the essential ingredient of power being restored to a power junky and it was therefore of no interest to him.

What nonsense that Pete R suggests I wish to retain control over everything when the matter has gone back to court only because BB would not relinquish his control, even when he had everything going his own way.

It is also offensive for Pete R to say he thinks I should have stayed out of my mother’s dying completely.

That is not what this forum is for.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,678
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Midlands
so when eventually this whole sorry mess ( sorry, that's about what it is) got to court, the judge really didn't understand where you were coming from an looked to be taking your brothers side, You decided to stop the whole thing and think your brother should be expected to agree?

That's a bit off the wall ( sorry it does seem that way) Why on earth would you expect, that by the time you'd got as far as court, for what basically amounts to an independent person to sort out the mess, that there were other options after that? Presumably you wouldn't have seen that if it had gone your way.

Honestly? Forget it, move on.
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
538
0
Shropshire
Oh dear. I have read the posts and have sort of been on the receiving end of this sort of situation when my mum died. My brother and I on one "side" my sister on the other. Mum was well cared for,happy in her home but left my sister short in the will giving some of " hers " to her son I instead .This somehow was my fault. I had to defend myself and this took years of time and emotion with no satisfactory conclusion for my sister. She saw little of my mother when she was alive and questioned nothing about finances or care then.
We have not spoken for the past 8 years. I miss her so much.
My point really is ,nothing can change anything for your mum, time to deal with this was when she was alive.
Maybe your brother did do something wrong,I don't know ,but don't let this consume your life. Life is way to short. To me it sounds like a battle where there will only be losers.
 

happyharry

Account Closed
Jan 20, 2015
21
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Happyharry replies:

so when eventually this whole sorry mess ( sorry, that's about what it is) got to court, the judge really didn't understand where you were coming from an looked to be taking your brothers side, You decided to stop the whole thing and think your brother should be expected to agree?

That's a bit off the wall ( sorry it does seem that way) Why on earth would you expect, that by the time you'd got as far as court, for what basically amounts to an independent person to sort out the mess, that there were other options after that? Presumably you wouldn't have seen that if it had gone your way.

Honestly? Forget it, move on.

I would like to reply to you, Jessbow, if I understand what you are asking. If you are asking ?why do I think there are any options left after I got to Court, the answer is:

Any number of cases are settled five minutes before the case is heard, literally in the court anteroom. There is also mediation. In fact, the case has been stayed for mediation, but neither of the parties see it as promising much (i.e. my brother and me). There is appeal from the judge's decision. I have appealed from the judge's decision. There is withdrawing the case, either by the consent of the parties or by the claimant alone. I offered BB withdrawal by consent of both of us, in which he stood to be let off everything scott free. What would you choose? He refused even though I told him the alternative was to continue in court. The case is back in court. There is continuing under a different part of the law. In fact, I first applied to the Magistrate's court under the Fraud Act 2006. I put two original documents on top of the package of documents with the application form in third place and wrote a cover letter to tell the court staff where to find the application form. They sent the package to a different court in the same town, who also did not look for the claim form in third place. They sent the package back to me saying I had not submitted it properly because there was no claim form. Would you rely on that court after that? Neither did I. I re-wrote the claim and sent it to a different type of court in a different town under a different part of the law - the Administration of Estates Act. I saw fit to help my brother escape press attention for a case involving an allegation of fraud against him in his own town, though the rules state that was where the case should be filed. That case is still available to me to file against him. There is a case to be made to the Probate Registry. There is a case to be made by the NHS who paid Mother's care when BB had stashed up huge sums of money from not spending any on her. There is police action, and indeed, if you look back to the start of my post, within minutes, 2 people had replied mentioning the police. You may care to know that the Citizen's Advivce Bureau, the Office of the Public Guardian and the bank where my mother's pension was paid into have all invoked police intervention on the basis of their own understanding of this matter. I did not lead them down that particular path. I have set aside my right to involve the police because I want to spare my brother from the effect upon him. I have avoided police action because I wish to minimise the effect upon my brother of his wrong-doing. In fact, you will see that when I began my thread again after 9 months, it was to ask others what they thought of police involvement, but only because I could see the case in the civil court being flushed down the toilet by a biased judge. There is an application to the court against the care home who presided over my mother's care during 4 years in which her son gave them NOTHING from her pension for her hair do's, pefume, whatever might have brightened up my mother's life. There is an application to the alzheimer's people for an investigation into what happened. There is writing to my MP. There is the court of human rights. There is the Equality Act. There is the Disability Discrimination Act. There is the Council for Civil Liberties. There is writing to the newspaper and Ester Ranzen. And that's just what I have thought of in the last 5 minutes.

Now that you know more about this thread, is there anything you wish to say apart from forget it?
 
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Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
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0
Midlands
I'd say you are verging on obsessed! Basically you'll take it a far as you can to get what YOU believe is right.

If I was your brother i'd refuse mediaition too- its gone far too far. Some of the things you are expecting to be brought into question are, quite frankly at best petty

Editing- bear with me

If a judges decision is made- its made. Mediaition doesn't normally happen afterwards

There is a case to be made by the NHS who paid Mother's care when BB had stashed up huge sums of money from not spending any on her no idea what that is about. Did she get Continuing Health Care funding, or didn't she? The fact that he didn't buy her perfume and etc is neither here nor there- and actually you don't know that he didn't- you were absent.
 
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1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
538
0
Shropshire
Happyharry. Have you read all of your posts back. This clearly has become all consuming to you. You will make yourself I'll if you haven't already. To move on is not loosing its getting your life back.
 

happyharry

Account Closed
Jan 20, 2015
21
0
happyharry replies:

I'd say you are verging on obsessed! Basically you'll take it a far as you can to get what YOU believe is right.

If I was your brother i'd refuse mediaition too- its gone far too far. Some of the things you are expecting to be brought into question are, quite frankly at best petty

Editing- bear with me

If a judges decision is made- its made. Mediaition doesn't normally happen afterwards

There is a case to be made by the NHS who paid Mother's care when BB had stashed up huge sums of money from not spending any on her no idea what that is about. Did she get CHC funding, or didn't she? The fact that he didn't buy her perfume and etc is neither here nor there- and actually you don't know that he didn't- you were absent.

I shall try to be patient with you.

My brother has not refused mediation. All I said was that neither of us think it will work. I suppose that's my fault?

BB retained over £5000 to meet an unseen debt. He has not eliminated that debt, but now expects me to share that money out on his say so. It may well be the debt arose because the accumulated pension had disentitled Mother to have her care paid by the Local Authority, or latterly by the NHS. It may be the intention was to rob me and my brother of it, and according to the strict interpretation given under the Fraud Act 2006, he did in fact defraud us of it. It may be the money was partly to meet a debt and partly for his own benefit. That remains unknowable while BB refuses my rightful access as the estate administrator to the bank records of our mother's pension. Please try to understand that if I settle the estate on the basis of guesswork as to the truth of Mother's finances, and then the debt BB advised me of manifests, I will be personally responsible to pay it out of my own resouces. I'm sorry you think that is being petty.

That is not a matter of merely getting what I beleive is right, the law thinks I ought to get it, too.

Perhaps to encourage me to withdraw my claim, but after all this time repeatedly stating he has handed over everything, BB has now sent a further cheque for hundreds of pounds that he says he had missed. That is not the first time he has done this. It does not make me think of withdrawing my claim for access to the bank records but has the opposite effect in my mind.

It is nonsense to say I don't know whether BB spent money on Mother. He seems to be proud of the fact that everything he received on her behalf is intact and his own account figures show that to be the case. I have some difficulty with the concept that Mother was kept on less money than a dog but that I should think that is neither here nor there.

If you had read my post, you would have understood that the judge's decision had been to stand my claim over and order better particulars. I have gone to some lengths to explain why the precise directions he gave to BB is prejudicial, but in short, the judge has decided to give BB licence to re-write his own documentary evidence, though BB has relied on it since October 2014. That is why I appealed from that decision.

You can keep coming at me with your dislike of me but I am not trying to run a popularity contest. I am trying to resolve a difficulty brought about by a brother who thinks he is all powerful and ought not to be questioned.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,445
0
Kent
. I am trying to resolve a difficulty brought about by a brother who thinks he is all powerful and ought not to be questioned.

I really don`t think you will resolve it here. Talking Point has only heard one side of a very complicated story. There are advocates and mediators who will listen to both. Because Talking Point has no access to both you are unrealistic in expecting a solution.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,678
0
Midlands
I give up!

I don't have a dislike of you- I just cant unscramble half the stuff you are saying., and its all so mixed up.
 

happyharry

Account Closed
Jan 20, 2015
21
0
happy harry replies:

Happyharry. Have you read all of your posts back. This clearly has become all consuming to you. You will make yourself I'll if you haven't already. To move on is not loosing its getting your life back.

I read my post back now and again because I want to check what I have said and what I have not said. That is not the same as saying I am out of touch with my feelings. I don't think people should judge me badly because I try to keep my posts interesting. However, the real problem with this thread is that it is now so long that people think they know what it is all about just by reading the last few posts or scanning all of them.

Perhaps I should stop answering them, but it is right that i should have an insight into what people say, if only because it helps me to focus my mind.

Thanks for your concern, but I promise you it is mis-placed.

Oh, guess what? I just checked back and I've already said that.
 
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