Hi all it's some time since have posted here but I have been loging in to read post by others and find it very interesting and helpfull on how to manage being a carer.The reason I am posting the following is I feel a bit guilty thinking this ,or do others sometimes feel the same as me .
HOW ARE YOU ??
The numerous times this question is asked by well meaning friends and family,
“how are you '',usually gets the reply''well not too bad things could be worse.,''this of course is far from how the true situation really is ,but one refrains from saying what one truthfully feels about the situation to avoid unnecessary concern,which will help no one. Also one finds calls and contacts diminish in frequency over time any way ,possibly due to a feeling of discomfiture or helplessness to improve the situation. The most frequent advice is “you must get some help''but no one seems to know what and how, especially for the emotional impact on ones life , after sixty years or more of of caring for each other.
In my personal situation I think a truthful answer to the question would be something like,it would be fine if I could go to bed knowing I was going to get a full nights uninterrupted worry free sleep, and not feel sleepy during the next day. To be able to have a shower etc. without fear of what might be happening whilst in there . To go out in the garden to cut the hedge and prune the bushes. The garden is not a concern in itself I would just like to be doing it my self. Do some weeding and cut the grass and do the odd repairs, and start the car after several weeks in the garage. To go out of the house perhaps only to the shop ,rather than just the usual quick trip to the dustbin in the garden to deposit rubbish ,or once a week taking the bin out to the road for collection .To be able to watch TV programs when first shown rather than later at night when the one in care is quite and sleeping. Having an ordinary conversation with some one more often would be great. Be able to concentrate on something with out worry of some bizarre interruption. A day without the constant worry and fear of what is happening next, and the constant watching to do whatever will prevent it what ever it might be,like for instance falling ,walking out side to the road , (remembering to remove keys out of doors ),or doing something else which is strange or personally dangerous to the cared one.
HOW ARE YOU ??
The numerous times this question is asked by well meaning friends and family,
“how are you '',usually gets the reply''well not too bad things could be worse.,''this of course is far from how the true situation really is ,but one refrains from saying what one truthfully feels about the situation to avoid unnecessary concern,which will help no one. Also one finds calls and contacts diminish in frequency over time any way ,possibly due to a feeling of discomfiture or helplessness to improve the situation. The most frequent advice is “you must get some help''but no one seems to know what and how, especially for the emotional impact on ones life , after sixty years or more of of caring for each other.
In my personal situation I think a truthful answer to the question would be something like,it would be fine if I could go to bed knowing I was going to get a full nights uninterrupted worry free sleep, and not feel sleepy during the next day. To be able to have a shower etc. without fear of what might be happening whilst in there . To go out in the garden to cut the hedge and prune the bushes. The garden is not a concern in itself I would just like to be doing it my self. Do some weeding and cut the grass and do the odd repairs, and start the car after several weeks in the garage. To go out of the house perhaps only to the shop ,rather than just the usual quick trip to the dustbin in the garden to deposit rubbish ,or once a week taking the bin out to the road for collection .To be able to watch TV programs when first shown rather than later at night when the one in care is quite and sleeping. Having an ordinary conversation with some one more often would be great. Be able to concentrate on something with out worry of some bizarre interruption. A day without the constant worry and fear of what is happening next, and the constant watching to do whatever will prevent it what ever it might be,like for instance falling ,walking out side to the road , (remembering to remove keys out of doors ),or doing something else which is strange or personally dangerous to the cared one.
