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Housework

lilperson

Registered User
Jan 11, 2015
10
Taunton
My husband does nothing now and hasn't for a number of years. The last time that I let him walk our dog nearly 6 months ago he was gone for way over an hour & Ive no idea where he had been. Its not so much that he doesn't want to help its just that he can no longer do the simplest thing. Very sad, but I realised a long time ago was easier just for me'to get on with whatever needed to be done. Life changes unfortunately and just got to roll with it.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,853
My dad spends most of the day doing housework and moving ornaments around. I am always surprised by their new positions. He has also taken to banging little nails into the walls to hang things on. I have hid the hammer but he manages to utilise other objects instead. There are places on his walls that look like they have been pincushioned with lots of tiny holes in a cluster. I think sometimes he just pulls the little nail out and then sticks it into a previous hole. I find the clusters a bit disturbing to be honest but you can't see them unless you search.

He has broken three ornaments this week all of which I found in his bin along with one that was not broken, it was a favourite of my mums so I have rescued it.

I don't like house work any more and I do as little as possible.
 

Mr Tiredout

Registered User
Apr 28, 2018
14
Great story Duggies-girl, I like the DIY aspect ... home improvements rule - found my dad tottering about with a claw hammer ... but not knowing what to do with it ... last month. To be frank I wish my father would break some of the 'ornaments' that litter his house - it might mean dusting took less time. I mean if you need more ornaments ... just let me know. Please.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,853
Great story Duggies-girl, I like the DIY aspect ... home improvements rule - found my dad tottering about with a claw hammer ... but not knowing what to do with it ... last month. To be frank I wish my father would break some of the 'ornaments' that litter his house - it might mean dusting took less time. I mean if you need more ornaments ... just let me know. Please.
Ha ha thank you but dad has more than his fair share of ornaments and pictures on the walls. He hangs his collection of caps on nails as well and he has a few of them but we can never find the one that he wants to wear.

Most of these things move around magically most days because it's certainly not dad who moves them.
 

Lifebuoy44

Registered User
Jun 21, 2014
19
Sleaford, Lincs
For several years now, I have "been responsible" for just about everything that happens in our home, since my Wife's Alzheimer's declined further. Last week, I had to have a double hernia operation and am now convalescing at my Son's home, where his Wife has made me feel valued and relaxed. Meanwhile, my Wife's life has been managed by two of my daughters and a friend of hers, all of whom tell me how much she is doing for herself and how much she likes to do so!

So, I'm asking myself if the real truth of the matter has been my impatience to "get things done" (quickly and - of course - cleanly!!) to the detriment of her own sense of personal value, simultaneously "de-skilling" her by denying her the daily repetition of simple tasks.

This has really been an eye-opener to me, and one that I will certainly try to put into operation upon my "return to duty" next week. Who knows, perhaps I will find more time to myself, simply by letting her make a bit of a mess without fretting about it. Please wish me well. I'll report back in a week or so.......... Love to all of you meanwhile. xxx Lifebuoy44
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
547
Y
For several years now, I have "been responsible" for just about everything that happens in our home, since my Wife's Alzheimer's declined further. Last week, I had to have a double hernia operation and am now convalescing at my Son's home, where his Wife has made me feel valued and relaxed. Meanwhile, my Wife's life has been managed by two of my daughters and a friend of hers, all of whom tell me how much she is doing for herself and how much she likes to do so!

So, I'm asking myself if the real truth of the matter has been my impatience to "get things done" (quickly and - of course - cleanly!!) to the detriment of her own sense of personal value, simultaneously "de-skilling" her by denying her the daily repetition of simple tasks.

This has really been an eye-opener to me, and one that I will certainly try to put into operation upon my "return to duty" next week. Who knows, perhaps I will find more time to myself, simply by letting her make a bit of a mess without fretting about it. Please wish me well. I'll report back in a week or so.......... Love to all of you meanwhile. xxx Lifebuoy44
Yes, do report back @Lifebuoy44 . I am wondering the same thing about my mum - maybe I am doing too much and de-skilling her too - mind you she never does do anything, even in her own room! So hard to get that balance isn't it? Good luck and wishing you a quick recovery :)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,223
South coast
Meanwhile, my Wife's life has been managed by two of my daughters and a friend of hers, all of whom tell me how much she is doing for herself and how much she likes to do so!
Are any of them actually living with her? It sounds like "hostess mode" to me - this is when someone with dementia can suppress the symptoms for periods of time when friends, other members of the family or medical people are around so that they appear much less affected than they really are.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,812
My husband does very little around the house now, he doesn't even do puzzles, just sits or sleeps, he makes his own breakfast, as I am disabled, so he is up before me.
He takes the view that I can do it,so why should he.
Last Saturday ,my daughter took me to a fabric sale,when we returned home the garage doors were open and ladders moved.
He had a man call at the house to " do the window frames" , and paid him £330.
This was the first time I had this type of problem.
I was able to cancel the cheque,, apparently there were a number of men in the area that day, going from door to door.
I have hidden cheque book and debit card from him.
It is difficult to know where to draw the line, but I do feel like a big controller and it's not an easy feeling
Sometimes we have no options. I found it difficult to get the bank cards etc.from mine, it took time, I made a point of saying I was not taking mine out as it was easy to lose things, then it was easier to use one, then the one in my name rather than the joint account. The computer is a bit beyond him now, I have stressed how complicated Windows 10 is too. I do the financial side now, I think it was a relief, now and again it flares as an interest but soon dies down. Like you I hate it but I have to protect both of us now.
 

Bee.quilt

Registered User
Dec 29, 2017
81
My husband was diagnosed with dementia a year ago at the age of 60. He hasn't worked for 8 years and has always been pretty lazy around the house, although he is capable of doing some tasks. He's ended up with just two jobs in the house, while I do everything else. He's supposed to empty the dishwasher every morning and once a fortnight put the recycling bags back in the cupboard. Is it a good idea for people with dementia to make some contribution to running a house if they're capable? I thought it was, but having to remind him again and again is getting me down and I think I might as well just do those tasks myself. Although his memory is poor, the issue is that he's rather be doing puzzles, watching TV or wandering about outside talking to strangers. He used to do a lot of our grocery shopping but was banned from our local supermarket and as he can't drive anymore, I now do the shopping as well. Am I being stupid or unfair in expecting him to contribute?
 

Bee.quilt

Registered User
Dec 29, 2017
81
I have to find jobs for OH to do around meal times or he is behind me putting away(usually dirty) dishes, implements etc. Any job I give him takes twice as long and needs me to be alert to Stop accidents. No help to offer I’m afraid, but lots of sympathy.
 

Debs42

Registered User
Jan 27, 2013
33
My husband does very little now - he used always to do the washing up, but now if he tries, he just rinses everything under the tap, even dirty pans, and I have to do it all again or out it in the machine anyway.. He mows the lawn and that's about the only thing he does without being asked. I'm torn because he wants to help but doesn't know how, and nearly all the time its quicker for me to do things myself, although I do think its good to keep him active, using his brain a bit and getting up out of the chair. So, as others have said, its a fine line. Tonight we have to put the bins and recycling out, which he does, but not on his own - he doesn't know what bins (its the same each week), where they are kept, or where to put them, so I have to do it with him. Very frustrating but I put up with it. I only get cross, unfairly, when I am doing housework around him, and he just sits and watches!! I know he cant help it but it is irritating.