Household cleaning

[circusgirl]

Hi. Mum recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but she’s not really accepting the situation. She’s quite physically able but noticed she’s not on top of household cleaning as much as she was. Any advice on how to offer my help without her taking offence. I’ve mentioned a few things but she gets huffy with me.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @circusgirl

The best way I have found to help someone with dementia is not to let them realise you are helping them. I would do what I can without mentioning it.

Another way of helping people with dementia is to try to accept conditions may not be as important or even noticed as organisational skills slow down.

Your mum may not be seeing what you see and may take mentioning lapses as being critical.

The following may help you.

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[thistlejak]

MIL used to be an absolute stickler for a clean/tidy house - as her dementia progressed the house got worse in terms of cleanliness. We tried the 'helping' but were met with aggression - we had to be a bit underhand - quick clean of the bathroom when we went to the toilet, wipe down in kitchen whilst waiting for kettle to boil, run the hoover round after my husband cut his dad's hair. I even took to ' walking to go see my mum' when my husband took her out and sneaking back into the house for a quick clean and to throw out the mouldy food in the fridge. We changed her bedding while she was in hospital but it never got changed after that until we threw it away over a year later.
She didn't notice anything had happened so that went on for a couple of years until they both went into care.
Good luck.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I think often people with dementia see offers of help as criticism of what they're doing themselves! Hence the anger and resistance. Also, in her mind she cleans just as much as she always has so how dare you suggest it's not enough!

Could you introduce a cleaner as 'a friend who needs a little job' so she'd be doing you a favour? Or could you say it's a new (free) government scheme for older people?

 

[SERENA50]

Hi. Mum recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but she’s not really accepting the situation. She’s quite physically able but noticed she’s not on top of household cleaning as much as she was. Any advice on how to offer my help without her taking offence. I’ve mentioned a few things but she gets huffy with me.

Hi

Yep offers of help are usually not received well lol. I think someone further down the thread said about being a bit sneaky if you like. I think you might have to do otherwise like with my Dad he goes quite stroppy. It might be that it is saying you can't do it and that is why the offers of help get rejected . Depends on the person's awareness.

I might go and make a cup of coffee for Dad and quickly wipe the kitchen work tops over, empty the bin and check the fridge and freezer, I take photos of what Dad has in and send them to my sibling so she can see what he might need shopping wise and also so we can see what might have been eaten or not. Dad just waits for his coffee for ages ? but since he has no sort of timing he thinks I have been a few minutes. If I go to the loo I have left the cleaning stuff in there under the sink so I just do that whilst in the bathroom. Same if he asks me to take his clothes upstairs I will change his bed and shove the washing in the back of the car lol.

I know for a fact he has had the same socks on for at least two months as I have taken to looking at the pattern on them. He blamed his other shoes for a recent fall so I noticed he had somehow managed to get a really uncomfortable looking pair on and lace those up! I think maybe if he goes to the chiropodist soon I could take my chances and say about washing his feet and changing his socks so the poor woman doesn't have to tackle them but we will see. Not going to push it too much. Still learning to pick what to deal with and what to leave alone..

Take Care xx