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House

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,499
Kent
It is hurtful though I know, unfortunately I have no other relatives, apart from my own 2 lovely children, just the families of my sisters and not much contact there either, glad that you have wider family.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
Our relatives in Malaysia have no idea what is going on but they were concerned about me being on my own and when dad was ill they were hoping that my brothers were helping. Once I am more settled I can think about other things including visiting them but one of them has expressed a wish to come here in March which could be interesting!

MaNaAk
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
404
South east
Hi @MaNaAk you have been a wonderful daughter but have your brothers been wonderful sons.?
They are complaining about “ all the stress you have caused”. You couldn’t make it up.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
Dear Melles Belles,

It's very interesting that you should ask that because both mum and dad used to say that they love all their children. However the eldest of my two brothers regarded himself as the black sheep of the family and he could be disrespectful to both of them. Also my sister-in-law didn't help and my youngest brother used to keep saying how busy he was and thus made it difficult to ask for help from him. Dad also sometimes wondered where he was and between Xmas 2018 and dad's death six months later he saw him once.

There are a whole host of things that my brothers should have done but the list is very long. They used to talk about what dad should have done as a father and my eldest brother used to talk about what mum should have done but of course this has stopped now!

MaNaAk
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
606
Lytham St Annes
I am glad you have had some advice from the estate agents.

You know as sad as it is and I understand that you are hoping to gain a relationship with your brothers once everything is settled and I really hope that you do.....

However from your posts and from what you have said that your brothers have said ..... I think they just are so unaware and unaccepting of what you have done and the care you have given.

Who knows why they feel that way, and obviously their perspective on everything is very different to yours.

But you know in your heart you have absolutely been there for your parents and you should take great comfort from that.

They just don’t get it and probably never will sadly.

I too hope everything gets sorted quickly and you can settle in your new home.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
Thankyou Diane. Does anyone who has read this thread know how I can deal with disturbed sleep before I move out?

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
I'm glad I'm not the only one then. We did more clearing today and I got upset because the memories came back. My brother and his partner tried to cheer me up although he did say this was more to do with me not wanting to move.

He will be away for a couple of so I will be able to work at my own pace in peace.

MaNaAk
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,373
Nottinghamshire
There’s non so blind as those who will not see @MaNaAk . I have a couple of siblings like yours and, after speaking to a counsellor who said that I “can’t make things right for everyone”, I’ve decided to make things right for myself and my kids. Like you we know we did everything we could for dad so we can hold our heads high. We won’t be seeing my brother and sister again for a very long time - preferably never.

Of course it’s all my fault :rolleyes: ...

You look after yourself now. It’s a shame your dad didn’t leave you the house.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
Exactly! I updated my eldest invisible about de-cluttering the house and apparently I gave the impression that my youngest brother didn't as much as he thought!

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
Hello Everyone!

There's not much happening on the house front due to lockdown at the moment and a while my brothers and I seemed to be getting on a bit better as we were concerned about the lockdown. However the eldest of my two brothers is being a bit dictatorial again and suggesting that I should ask my youngest brother to move in during the lockdown as and suggesting that I should think of other people. I feel that if I did this I we would get on each others nerves although I know that he is in a one bedroom flat that belongs to his partner. Part of me feels guilty about this although my youngest brother would probably prefer to stay where he is. My eldest brother lives almost one hundred and fifty miles away but he never offered to have dad at his place and the other brother never offered to stay here so that I could get respite.

MaNaAk
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
606
Lytham St Annes
Take no notice at all, he is entitled to his opinion but that doesn’t mean he calls the shots.

Please don’t feel you have to justify yourself to either of your brothers, they feel they have the right to say what they want to you.....however you have the ultimate power to completely ignore them x
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,041
Remind your older brother that there is a lockdown on and your younger brother shouldn't be moving to live with you and potentially increasing your chances of catching the virus from him, or of him catching the virus from you.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
Don't worry Louise and Diane, I intend to completely ignore. The elder of my two brothers has just proved that he doesn't know quite so much of the situation as he thinks he does. I think he doesn't like to feel that he is not in control of a situation and of course he can't control this.

MaNaAk

PS: You wonderful people are a godsend.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,905
Essex
Hello Everyone.

I'm sorry to drag this up again but before we went into lockdown I had an email from the elder of my two brothers saying that at some stage we will need to collect dad's will from the solicitors or that at least we need to verify where it is for probate. Anyway I went to the solicitors and they remembered my appointment with them last October where they said that I had a good case to ask for a bigger slice of the inheritance. I had decided against it as I did not want to upset my brothers any further but they were concerned about where I would go if I didn't get a bigger share.

I have never earnt a great deal but when I was caring for dad my earnings from my music teaching went downhill further and in March last year I was just starting to recover financially with a new teaching job. Now of course my teaching has gone back downhill and we can't sell the house. However I need to think of when probate finally comes through and when lockdown is lifted. I feel a bit torn as I don't want to upset my brothers especially as one of them has been much better (since we can't sell the house) but I could do with a bigger share of the inheritance as the only type of property that I can afford around here is a one bedroom flat at £140000.

MaNaAk
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,373
Nottinghamshire
It's a pity your brothers aren't more sympathetic to your predicament @MaNaAk
I was lucky that dad arranged things so that whoever did the most caring got the most money. So I shared the money as I believe he would've done. However this means my siblings have disowned me...but they weren't there for us when we needed them to help with dad so I don't imagine they would've been in future. I hardly saw them and neither did dad - except when they wanted something.

My family is just me and my kids now. If siblings are selfish they are selfish and only you can decide if they're worth sacrificing your financial situation for.
We all know that caring is expensive but even when I pointed this out it mattered not to my brother and sister.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,015
West Hertfordshire
Are you implying that the will hasn't been read yet, and no probate applied for?

The will will say who gets what- its a solicitors job to ensure the will is followed , NOT to suggest someone should have a bigger slice ( I am actually quite amazed by that!)
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,145
Victoria, Australia
Just wanted to say that I think you are doing very well. It can be hard to deal with grief and all the official stuff at the same time. I do think that this will be a healthy thing in your life and that when the dust has settled and brass band has packed up and gone home you will be able to have a fresh look at your life.

Stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on.