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House move has casued decline

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by beckylinton, May 11, 2015.

  1. beckylinton

    beckylinton Registered User

    May 11, 2015
    1
    Hi All. My sisters and I have finally convinced my Step Dad to bring our Mum back to the UK from Spain, as he has been struggling to take care of her and there is no support there for them.

    They moved about 6 weeks ago and my Mum has gone in to a tail spin. She has become violent, verbally abusive, wont eat, wont take care of personal hygiene etc, is extremely emotional and low and her memory is worse than ever.

    We keep telling ourselves its because she is really unsettled by the move and things will improve as she gets used to her new environment, but we are beginning to worry that we have actually done the wrong thing by moving them. Does anyone have any experience of this or advice? Thanks for any support you can give.
     
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    It probably is because she is unsettled, don't ever doubt yourselves, you have done the right thing. Your father needs your support. I moved my mum just 150 miles to my home so I could look after her, honestly the first few months were a nightmare. Distraction did help a little, going out a lot shopping, cafes and introducing her to my friends, lots and lots of coffee mornings and regular visits to gp to tweak her medication. Your mum has gone through a lot in a short space of time. Don't know how long it will take, but I'm sure she will settle, after all she now has all her family around her.
     
  3. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    Please don't forget the ever possible UTI....can cause havoc, or a chest infection. Yes it is more likely to be unsettling caused by the move....but get the other things checked out. :)
     
  4. HelenInBC

    HelenInBC Registered User

    Mar 23, 2013
    243
    I agree that the move is probably the trigger here. My mom cried on the phone to me every day in the months following her move to her last independent home. She was in the early stages then, and it was very difficult for her. She couldn't find anything, was much more confused than usual, anxious, stressing.
    It took about 4-5 months to settle down. I think you did the only thing you could. Her husband needs support and it couldn't be given in Spain.
     
  5. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    806
    North East
    Another shout here for her health to be checked. An underlying UTI could make the confusion of the move 100% worse.
    Hope she settles soon.
     
  6. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    333
    rct
    Hi!..some people if flying can be affected by the cabin pressure in a plain!..with this disease any change is unsettling. Youve clearly done the right thing and taken a chance. The disease is progressive regardless so change or not it was going to get progressive.

    People with dementia clearly communicate in the only way they can. It very often is through agression.... reassurance and familiarity of possesions might help.

    Imagine the whole situation through her eyes. Things are happening your in an unfamiliar place...and if at a different era due to disease affecting your memory..you might be in your childhood and taken to s strange country..and youre away from your parents! See the bookcase senario...
    Best wishes

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    We only moved from the North West to the South East and my husband hadn`t even had a diagnosis but he became so confused and disorientated the move identified his dementia.

    I don`t think you have done the wrong thing even so. Your step dad will value your help and support and it would have been too difficult for him to manage alone in Spain.

    Our son was a wonderful source of help and support for me and I shudder to think how I`d have been alone in the North West.
     

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