HOSTING BEHAVIOUR - could someone explain it?

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,644
0
South of the Border
I am still fairly new to all this and have come across the term 'hosting' behaviour in those with dementia. Could someone please explain what it means to me?

Thanks a lot

:confused:
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,614
0
N Ireland
Put simply it's when a person with dementia struggles hard to appear 'normal' to outsiders, like visitors or health professionals. It takes a lot of effort and can't be kept going for long. Unfortunately the effort can take so much out of the person that they can then get irritable with their carer due to the tiredness and much to the consternation of the carer. It can also leave the impression that the dementia is 'an act', which it isn't.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,644
0
South of the Border
Put simply it's when a person with dementia struggles hard to appear 'normal' to outsiders, like visitors or health professionals. It takes a lot of effort and can't be kept going for long. Unfortunately the effort can take so much out of the person that they can then get irritable with their carer due to the tiredness and much to the consternation of the carer. It can also leave the impression that the dementia is 'an act', which it isn't.
Thank you Pete, that explains a lot. OH behaved perfectly yesterday when out for lunch with his brother whom he only sees 2/3 times a year ( brother lives abroad). But today has spent almost 10 hours slumped in front of the TV watching re runs of snooker....
 
Last edited:

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,644
0
South of the Border
Hi @maryjoan. Just to add to what @karaokePete has said, hostess mode can also give those visiting the impression that there is nothing wrong with the person because they present so well for the short time visitors are there. My Mum would go into hostess mode when she was being assessed by the mental health team. It was as though a light bulb would go on inside her and she would suddenly remember things and even be able to remember the test questions. She took the tests as though her very personal pride depended on passing every question, smiling and laughing throughout and generally charming the nurse. When I was originally trying to get a diagnosis for her years ago, this 'mode' enabled her to pass the memory test at the GP's with flying colours. Luckily, the GP was also my own doctor and knew me well enough to trust that I knew something was very wrong with Mum and ordered a brain scan rather than just going by the tests. Once out of the GP's office, Mum returned to normal forgetfulness and lack of understanding. It can be very hard for carers who are desperately in need of help to ease their own care workload as many professionals seem to be unaware that this type of behaviour is commonplace and in fact, is a symptom of dementia in its own right. Eventually, with my Mum, as the disease has progressed she no longer does this, but for her it's over 10 years since that original diagnosis, which the brain scan confirmed.
Yes, this all makes total sense now, such a huge learning curve we are on - what I wonder is do we get a certificate or a degree, because it feels that is the sort of studying we are doing.....
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
972
0
Pratteln Switzerland
Yes the host mode. I know that. Luckily, when our assessor came about 3 years ago he was not in host mode. He was in fear that he was going into care mode, he behaved so weirdly that she gave him a high needs score. Which was great for me. As people have said here he can only do host mode for a limited period of time. He was then completely exhausted by the experience. But we are well past the hosting mode now. He often just falls asleep when we have visitors. He just sits in his chair and stares off into space , he can no longer really follow conversation. But he can walk for miles on end and is fit as a fiddle. So and sometimes when out in nature he can have a nice conversation. That is the only time. Yesterday we did 11.6 km.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
3,976
0
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Hi @maryjoan. Just to add to what @karaokePete has said, hostess mode can also give those visiting the impression that there is nothing wrong with the person because they present so well for the short time visitors are there. My Mum would go into hostess mode when she was being assessed by the mental health team. It was as though a light bulb would go on inside her and she would suddenly remember things and even be able to remember the test questions. She took the tests as though her very personal pride depended on passing every question, smiling and laughing throughout and generally charming the nurse. When I was originally trying to get a diagnosis for her years ago, this 'mode' enabled her to pass the memory test at the GP's with flying colours. Luckily, the GP was also my own doctor and knew me well enough to trust that I knew something was very wrong with Mum and ordered a brain scan rather than just going by the tests. Once out of the GP's office, Mum returned to normal forgetfulness and lack of understanding. It can be very hard for carers who are desperately in need of help to ease their own care workload as many professionals seem to be unaware that this type of behaviour is commonplace and in fact, is a symptom of dementia in its own right. Eventually, with my Mum, as the disease has progressed she no longer does this, but for her it's over 10 years since that original diagnosis, which the brain scan confirmed.
My OH was an expert at this and at her last assessment the nurse actually told her that she doesn’t present with the disease. She was the same with her sons but not so much now as she can’t hide her forgetfulness and confusions so easily at present.
 

john1939

Registered User
Sep 21, 2017
200
0
Newtownabbey
So, would "hostessing" explain why my wife treats me and my daughters badly yet is all smiles and all bonhomie to strangers? ( and babies)
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
So, would "hostessing" explain why my wife treats me and my daughters badly yet is all smiles and all bonhomie to strangers? ( and babies)


Yes!!!!!

In the early days mum was so caring, kind and chatty with strangers and visitors, but being the hostess just took so much out of her, leaving her tired and a little bit bad tempered with me.

Then it all turned round, toddlers, babies and strangers became the target. She would regularly make comments about what a person was wearing or their weight.
 

lemonjuice

Registered User
Jun 15, 2016
1,534
0
England
My OH was an expert at this and at her last assessment the nurse actually told her that she doesn’t present with the disease.
In fact I have a friend who has been 'categorically told , inevitably by a young GP, thatshe doesn't have dementia' and could go home. o_O This is the woman who set fire to her kitchen.:eek: Saying, "But everyone sets fire to their house at least once in their life!' She's been in the NH for over 4 years now and as was pointed out, why would any relation agree to pay those huge costs if their LO didn't have dementia. Plus all the NH carers are well aware of just how bad her dementia is.

Eventually they got another assessor to come, who said it was interesting, when interviewed how the lady presented 'perfectly normally', telling her stories about her job/ where she lived etc and she could see how easily it would have been for someone to be taken in. However she was more experienced and went away for half an hour before returning. Again the lady 'presented fairly normally' but her details were completely different to those she'd given just half an hour previously.
 
Last edited:

Ruth S

Registered User
May 2, 2018
14
0
Put simply it's when a person with dementia struggles hard to appear 'normal' to outsiders, like visitors or health professionals. It takes a lot of effort and can't be kept going for long. Unfortunately the effort can take so much out of the person that they can then get irritable with their carer due to the tiredness and much to the consternation of the carer. It can also leave the impression that the dementia is 'an act', which it isn't.
Gosh, that is useful, I was finding it difficult to understand why my husband made such an effort with family and visitors and was awful to me as soon as they had gone.
 

poppy118

New member
Feb 27, 2024
2
0
I'm struggling with hostess mode actually didn't even know it existed. My mum lives with myself husband and special needs adult daughter .
Last night I called a paramedic due to stomach pain and extreme fatigue , mum had been asking to go home , begging me to end her life etc, as soon a paramedics came be it a 14hr wait , Mum was totally coherent. Made me look like a complete idiot saying mum has vasular dementia.. really ....
All the outbursts are at myself and my family but they are now spilling over into days out with her befriended
Lots of pacing rocking . Saying I'm useless carer, I don't love her etc . It's so soul destroying . then speaks completely normal .. I'm gonna be honest at times I thought. Are you faking this ....
Does anyone else feel like this 😕
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
602
0
I certainly do feel that my husband is so annoying that it is hard to imagine he isn’t doing it deliberately. I try not to think that, but he seems to take a real pleasure in being as obstructive and difficult as he can some days. It can be hard to rise above it, and especially hard when they pretend they are fine and it’s you that’s mad. Good luck with it all ❤️