Hostess Mode

[Leticia]

I do agree.…the problem I have is that both my parents can seem perfectly rational. Even to the point my mother seems to think my father can go and collect her from hospital, never mind the fact they haven’t had a car for two years and he can’t walk more than a few paces! One of the saddest aspects is I’m continually seeing their ineptitude but in their own minds they think they are just as they were.

 

[Leticia]

My dad has recently been diagnosed with dementia but not only in the letter from the consultant did it say that he looked well presented ( of course he did I make sure he does) but also able to tell lies and say he does this and that which is extremely frustrating but also I’m front of family members so when I said I’m overwhelmed and they needed to help whenever they’ve taken him out or come round he’s able to converse and chat but when I’m with him he is repetitive and really forgetful I could go on and also he refuses to acknowledge the diagnosis! I know he can’t help himself and he was always a really independent person but since Christmas it’s been really hard for him and me! It’s a relief to hear other peoples stories

 

[MartinWL]

He may well believe it. Try to have a discrete word to explain that PWD often have memories of what they used to do, confused with what they now can do. This is common!

 

[T1000]

Can completely relate to this, I am seeing the beginnings of it with social worker yesterday, you would think there was nothing wrong with mum and all is well. The fact I am sometimes made to sound as if I am lying, creating something that is not there is so wearing. No help from siblings as they are in either financial, or marital dire straits.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Leticia
a warm welcome to DTP

host mode is such a nuisance when we want others to see the situation as wee see it ... though, since we all put on a show for visitors, it's hardly surprising that this survival strategy rears it's head ... it's good that family do help out, maybe have them take over for longer so your dad runs out of energy and they begin to see how he really is with you and how much you do for him ... sadly, he honestly does believe he still does everything, so he's not so much telling lies as simply not able to distinguish how much has changed

I'm glad you feel some relief at reading posts ... do keep posting yourself with anything that's on yor mind as sharing experiences does help

 

[Leticia]

Thank you I know he’s not lying really but the last 5 months have been really overwhelming and because he doesn’t see there being a problem I am trying to think of other ways that he can have support without saying it’s support, and yes hopefully they will see soon how it really is