Hi I’m new to this forum so hope I’ve got posting right! Anyway here goes.
I have a close family relative with quite advanced but undiagnosed Dementia ( so don’t know what kind). She has all the classic symptoms: Short term memory completely gone, obsessive behaviour, accusations, resistive to help, repetitiveness ( like asking the same thing up to 10 times in a row) , ICA’s (Jumpy fits but on medication for that), suspicious of anyone but close family & at times suspicious of them too etc...
She however displays also all the signs of Hostess Mode. Although she needs and gets 24 hr care by her son & daughters who do this in shifts on a weekly rota, so 1 week in 3 each , and they quite literally do everything, as far as she is concerned though to anyone she talks to she does everything herself such as washing, ironing, Cleaning, cooking, baking, shopping etc.
So far so straightforward but there’s an added complication. One of her daughters in the caring cycle is also in Hostess mode and goes to great lengths to prevent ‘Mum’ being diagnosed. For example after a lot of ‘discussion’ with all siblings it was eventually agreed that the GP would do an assessment ( & cognitive ability test). This was arranged, but at fairly short notice by the said daughter & only informed to the others the evening before the visit. As the others live a long distance away they could not get there to support, so it was Mum & daughter with the doc.
She passed with flying colours ( 2 questions wrong out of 30) and was in full hostess mode ( cooking, baking, all myself etc) made a rhubarb pie yesterday ( on the table with the tea, but in fact baked by the daughter). The family know, but can’t prove that there was intense coaching prior to the visit, visual clues spread around the room and doc n daughter side by side with ‘Mum’ opposite so that eye contact could be maintained.
The dodging and weaving to avoid any retest since has to be seen to be believed & the atmosphere between the siblings is turning toxic ( it feels like storming the Bastille!)
Has anyone else on here had or is having a similar experience and if so is there any advice?
I have a close family relative with quite advanced but undiagnosed Dementia ( so don’t know what kind). She has all the classic symptoms: Short term memory completely gone, obsessive behaviour, accusations, resistive to help, repetitiveness ( like asking the same thing up to 10 times in a row) , ICA’s (Jumpy fits but on medication for that), suspicious of anyone but close family & at times suspicious of them too etc...
She however displays also all the signs of Hostess Mode. Although she needs and gets 24 hr care by her son & daughters who do this in shifts on a weekly rota, so 1 week in 3 each , and they quite literally do everything, as far as she is concerned though to anyone she talks to she does everything herself such as washing, ironing, Cleaning, cooking, baking, shopping etc.
So far so straightforward but there’s an added complication. One of her daughters in the caring cycle is also in Hostess mode and goes to great lengths to prevent ‘Mum’ being diagnosed. For example after a lot of ‘discussion’ with all siblings it was eventually agreed that the GP would do an assessment ( & cognitive ability test). This was arranged, but at fairly short notice by the said daughter & only informed to the others the evening before the visit. As the others live a long distance away they could not get there to support, so it was Mum & daughter with the doc.
She passed with flying colours ( 2 questions wrong out of 30) and was in full hostess mode ( cooking, baking, all myself etc) made a rhubarb pie yesterday ( on the table with the tea, but in fact baked by the daughter). The family know, but can’t prove that there was intense coaching prior to the visit, visual clues spread around the room and doc n daughter side by side with ‘Mum’ opposite so that eye contact could be maintained.
The dodging and weaving to avoid any retest since has to be seen to be believed & the atmosphere between the siblings is turning toxic ( it feels like storming the Bastille!)
Has anyone else on here had or is having a similar experience and if so is there any advice?