Hospitals

[Celestine]

My mother recently had a spell in hospital. I could see she was getting distressed after a day in there. Two days later they told me she would be in for another three nights. I knew this would be really difficult for her so got straight onto PALS who were excellent. Within half an hour there was a response back from the staff nurse on the ward who was a really good communicator. She pushed things through as the only matter causing delay was to do with her medication which was sorted out with the pharmacy. You always seem to have to fight for things don't you?
As we got Mum out that evening she told us we were going to meet her boyfriend. He was West Indian and was coming for a meal. When I expressed surprise she said just because she was in her 80s didn't mean she couldn't have a boyfriend. I played along with it as I have done with this kind of thing before, as challenging it would be disrespectful. However, as it transpired, I don't think this was a good thing. Mum was in the grip of an elaborate fantasy and she kept asking me that evening as we settled her in back home, where was Steve/Chris/Brent it kept changing. Did I have his number, would I pick him up from the station? Did we have enough food in for him? I told her that I didn't have his number but he would probably phone her. How stupid of me! In the next few minutes my partner phoned to find out where I had got to. This made matters worse but I had to go as I'd been on the go all day and needed to get home for a meal. The carer had arrived by now anyway. At home, I ate my meal then fell asleep watching something on TV. At 1 am the phone rang. It was Mum in great distress. Help me she said. Am I imagining it? I haven't got a boyfriend have I? I'm going mad. I calmed her down and she went to bed. She was aware of her dementia. It was a painful experience. Hospitals can be disturbing places for people like Mum.

 

[Rodelinda]

HI Celestine, hope your Mum has settled down at home now. It is tough as even with really good staff hospitals are confusing places for people with dementia and the effects do last for days or even weeks. It is distressing to watch and experience it though. You clearly did well to have her discharged so quickly. My mother had a spell in hospital recently and though she didn't seem too confused there when she got home she was and didn't know where anything was and professed to be shocked to find I was her daughter.; we had a terrible time the first night and ended up in A&E. But a month later and she has settled back well - although we do have to play along with some fantasies (though at a lower level than your Mum). So I do understand how you must have felt and what it's like to have to reassure someone that no they're not mad. Take care.

 

[Celestine]

Thanks for your support. I could not get back on here for some time as I have been spending a lot of time with my Mum. It's nice to know there are other people out there in a similar situation.

 

[mrs mcgonnagal]

Hi

I have just seen your post, I do find it difficult to go along with fantasies, I know its often advised, but I can see how your situation developed as it did and I am scared of dealing with this sort of thing I admit. So far I have tried to change the subject and distract, but it is getting harder. I am also worried about dealing with situations such as respite care, social worker visit etc to keep things calm. I don't know the answer.