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Registered User
Oct 31, 2014
I posted last weekend about Dad in hospital with suspected sepsis. Well after a very traumatic week went to visit today and Dad was sat up in the chair and although mumbling 100% better. We were all over the moon and couldn't believe the transformation, last weekend the Drs and ourselves though the time had come. The staff have been fantastic. However Dad said he wanted to get up to use the loo. I said hold on you cannot walk yet. I went to find staff, the health care assistants came and told Dad he could wee in his pants as he had nappy pants on and they would change him. His face said it all. I am livid. He may have dementia but to expect him to pee his pants is awful. I feel bad as I complained, especially after they have saved his life, but am I right or am I being unreasonable


Registered User
Aug 14, 2011
That doesn't sound right at all. Surely he could have been taken to the loo in a wheelchair, or maybe brought a bottle to use? I think you were right to complain.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
So much for 'dignity' in dementia. I would have been livid, too. It's not exactly a big deal to provide a bottle. I would think a written complaint is called for. Especially after that TV documentary not long ago, when a similar thing was shown as clearly neglectful and abusive - some poor lady in a CH calling out for the loo, and being told to do it in her nappy.


Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
Near Southampton
I am sure this is how my husband became incontinent. In the acute hospital, he was asking for a bottle and true, he was sometimes a bit late in asking for it as by the time it came, often after some minutes, some might have gone on the floor but he still retained the knowledge of what was needed.
A few days later he was transferred to a hospital for mental healthand I was told that as he was incontinent,I didn't need to take any underpants in for him.
That was the beginning of the end.
It's just easier and saves time!


Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
At a dementia forum the other day two of us who care for our husbands were talking about this issue. Both our husbands are now in the severe stage but both remain continent but we both feel that when they are either in hospital or respite then they are put in nappies for the convenience of the staff this is wrong. We have found ourselves reluctant to use respite in case we get our husbands back no longer continent because they have been treated as if they were incontinent. Obviously with hospital you have no choice to avoid it.
I said to one of the officials who was at the forum "do you think it would be acceptable if the loos were out of order in this building to give all the delegates a nappy on the way in and tell them to do it where they sit?". No response was offered.


Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
Well said, Tre.
When OH was a in hospital last year, bladder and brain disconnected (figuratively) and it was some time before then joined up again, but they did. I think, like Saffie, it was something to do with the speed, or lack of, that calls for the loo/bottle were answered.
He went into respite last summer and things were ok. He's just been in respite again and things are not alright. I'm hoping, but not sure my hopes will be met! I feel that they should have asked him every 2 hours or so if he wanted to go to the loo. They didn't. He didn't know where the loo was, didn't know what that thing round his neck was. Again, inevitable results. Not sure he'll be going back there.
Or maybe he has a TIA and they either didn't notice/ didn't tell me.
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Registered User
Oct 31, 2014
Hi thanks everybody for your comments. I do think staffing levels on wards are to blame. I feel that Dad has a raw deal as he is aggressive, but have explained to staff that this is nothing like the real person who lived a happy life until he became ill. It is an awful illness (Lewy Bodies) and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


Registered User
Oct 18, 2013
British Isles
"the health care assistants came and told Dad he could wee in his pants as he had nappy pants on and they would change him. His face said it all."

I'm glad you did make a complaint - if they will behave like this with your Dad while you are present just think of all the other poor patients who are mortified because they are being told to wet themselves. It can't be very pleasant to sit in a wet nappy while you wait to be cleaned and it surely can't be good for the patients' skin to be unnecessarily exposed to urine and faeces.

Tre - well done for your comment but I am disappointed that all those at the forum did not speak up and support your view that we would all want to be supported to remain continent.


Registered User
Oct 31, 2014
Thks giggle more for your comments, I couldn't agree more. Also Tre is absolutely spot on and I also think to 'condition' dementia patients to use nappy pants is totally wrong. As anybody on this forum knows routine is very important and to try and change something like toilet habits when somebody is in late stage dementia is totally wrong. I don't think we will get this little bit of 'independence' back for Dad. The most upsetting thing is I think he knows and this is just another thing he has given up on. P.S I do understand that it could become a necessity to use pads at a later stage, but please let them keep their dignity for as long as possible.


Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
North East
My dad wears pully ups. I'm guessing this is the same as nappy pants??? He still goes to the loo. He just sometimes doesn't quite make it or keeps going after he is finished I guess because they still get wet.

As for the nurses/carers on the ward saying that to your dad. Absolutely totally and utterly outrageous. He asked to go to the loo. He should have been given the dignity of going. If he got there and he had already been, no one would know an he could be cleaned up and all fresh when coming back. Totally gob smacking this.


Registered User
Oct 31, 2014
Hi everyone just to let you all know Dad has today gone back to his fantastic nursing home!! I can not really believe it, what a roller coaster week and a half. The nursing home have told me not worry they will try to get him out of pads Asap. If this is not possible they said so what as long as he is happy!! Thank goodness there are people who really care and understand this awful condition. Thanks again for your comments, mine seem insignificant now but I know you all understand how daft things affect you emotionally at very trying times. Xx