Hospital - when to take home?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by ringtor, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. ringtor

    ringtor Registered User

    Nov 5, 2008
    My husband, Tony, had an op for bladder cancer on Thursday and the ward said he was fit to come home yesterday, Saturday. He looked alright but he couldn't produce enough urine when he peed. He is 83 and in mid stage Alz, I am 81. We live an hour from the hospital and I drive to collect him. After waiting 3 hours I wanted to leave as I was getting shakey and afraid that I would not be safe driving. The ward sister got angry and accused me of dumping my husband and said they would decide again in three more hours. I got cross and left!
    Should I have stayed, the hospital car had left, and I doubted my stamina?
    Today I will go in again if the ward says he can come home but when I get there if they say he is not ready how long should I wait?
  2. Long-Suffering

    Long-Suffering Registered User

    Jul 6, 2015
    Hi Ringtor,

    Is it possible for them to send your OH home by ambulance?

    When my dad was in hospital, they told us he was being sent home every day for 3/4 days and cancelled each time for reasons never explained. From my experience, staff in ordinary hospitals can be very rude to elderly/dementia patients and can be very inconsiderate regarding their family.

    In your case, I would ring the hospital and say because of what happened yesterday, and because you yourself are elderly, could they send him home by ambulance? This seems fair to me, and TBH I think it is wrong of them to expect an 81-year-old lady to be driving backwards and forwards and hanging around for hours, however fit and healthy you are.

    If an ambulance is out of the question, could they send him by taxi?

    If you have to go and pick him up, then I would ask them to ring you when they are SURE he is ready to come home, then you can go and pick him up. That way no hanging around for you for hours and no rude nurses.

    You ought to complain about that nurse. Too many of them are so rude to elderly people and those with dementia.

    Good luck!

  3. Pegsdaughter

    Pegsdaughter Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    Honestly this makes my blood boil. They are lucky you are still able to drive and look after your oh. Would your gp surgery get in touch with the hospital to arrange his transport pointing out your age and long distance you have to drive. Ward sister needs to be taken to task about her unacceptable behaviour.

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  4. angelface

    angelface Registered User

    Oct 8, 2011
    How awful for you to be put in this situation by the hospital!

    Certainly ask for hospital transport to be provided.
  5. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    #5 Lilac Blossom, Aug 9, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2015
    Ward Sister should be ashamed having spoken to you like that, how dare she! Dumping your husband indeed :mad:

    I am 75, looking after hubby - I do not drive so we do not have our own transport since hubby became unable to drive. When he has been in hospital, when they tell me he is able to come home I ask them to arrange patient transport to take him home. That way the driver takes him into the house, and the usual bag of laundry and the medication.

    I would advise you to tell them you are unable to cope with the whole business of getting your husband home on your own.

    Wishing Tony the best possible recovery at home - take care of you too xx
  6. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    Hello Ringtor,

    I think it was disgraceful (to put it mildly )of the ward sister to speak to you that way and I would hope when you have some time and are up to it,to complain about her,it really worries me to think that these so called nurses have no compassion let alone humility towards patients and relatives.

    I totally agree with what the others have said in previous posts,that arranging for your husband to come home in hospital transport when he is well enough to be discharged and has been discharged by the doctor whose care he is under..

    The ambulance/transport assistants there should be two of them,will be able to help get your husband out of the vehicle and into your home with all his clothes and medicines etc,without any bother at all-quick as a flash,thus saving you the struggle and worry of dealing with it all..
    I hope your husband is better soon,I know it is really worrying for you and I hope you manage to try and relax a little and ask for the help you should have been offered.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  7. Long-Suffering

    Long-Suffering Registered User

    Jul 6, 2015
    I totally agree, Chaucer. This reminded me so much of what happened to my dad when he went into a regular ward for a chest infection. The nursing staff were so rude in some cases. They were also totally untrained and unequipped to deal with dementia sufferers. They had no respect and treated my parents like a joke. I was also furious and phoned them up to give them a piece of my mind. The nurses sounded like loudmouthed bullies and the doctor I demanded to speak to sounded like he was about 12 years old!

  8. Louby65

    Louby65 Registered User

    Mar 26, 2014
    Hi ringtor . As a member of the medical profession I am appalled at the treatment that you and your husband have endured . The sister in charge should never have spoken to you like that and I would encourage you when you have time , to make a complaint . I can understand why you walked out and I know you will be keen to get your husband home as soon as you can . The hospital has a duty of care to ensure that both you and your husband are equipped mentally and physically for his discharge . Did you see a discharge co ordinator during his stay as this is something you could ask for and he/ she would organise transport . If you are any doubt that you can manage him at home then you must ask for the duty hospital social worker who will advise you on what to do . If you do complain ask about what legislation and recommendations does the hospital have in treating
    older persons in acute care and what are their dementia friendly policies as this will also cover respect for the person with dementia's relatives , which I am sorry you have not been afforded. Please do not tar us all with the same unfortunate brush that this poor advert for nursing is displaying . I do hope you and your husband recover well from this unfortunate situation and I wish you all the very best .

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

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