Visiting in the nursing home
I usually try to visit Mum two or three times a week in the nursing home and I never know quite what to expect, as she varies a lot. I should have gone today, but I've got a cold, which is not too bad, but it seems silly to take illnesses into a place where people are so frail. I feel guilty that I've not visited, but I'd feel even worse if she or another patient became ill because of me.
No one else visits her, as I haven't got any brothers or sisters and my children only visit if I go with them. Mum is 10 minutes drive away, but it seems as if she is in another world. Mum is still my Mum, but so thin and frail and unable to do the most ordinary of tasks, as she can't walk now. She lives in her own dreams and memories and I don't always understand what she is talking about. The staff do talk to the patients, but there are no organised activities at the moment.
I don't think we are in a position to judge what quality of life people have, as dementia patients seem to live in a completely different reality to the rest of us. I dread visiting her, but I know that I must make the most of the time we have together. I've learnt things about her childhood and the War which I might never had known about, if she'd not been reliving the past. My aim is to try and write down some of her memories, and make a book of her life, and the way people of her generation thought about things.
I don't know the answers, but I suppose as people get older and into their eighties, different parts of the body begin to fail. It might be the heart or lungs or kidneys, but in dementia patients it is the brain which is failing. It is a physical disease which dramatically affects the mind and social relationships. I am thankful that Mum is in a NH where the staff are kind and caring, and I know she is being well looked after, even if I'm unable to visit.
I'd hate the idea of her needing to go into hospital again, and being amongst strangers in unfamiliar surroundings, but I guess it's best to just take one day at a time and not worry about something that might never happen . I think we can only do our best and we may have other members of the family to worry about as well. I do think that elderly patients in hospital should be put into smaller, cosier wards which are not too clinical and white, as those with poor vision can't see where they are so well. Bright contrasting colours would make a huge difference.
Kayla