Hospital Visits - I don't like them

[Lizzy41]

Hi,

Mum has been in the hospital a month now. I visit every
other day and dad goes the one in betweeen. Yesterday,
I went when I got there they were all having their 3.00pm
cuppa. Mum was sitting in the chair and putting toffee
popcorn in her cup of tea

She smiled when she saw me and then we had the usual
conversation (she doesn't make much sense when she talks
as her words are all muddled) but I get the jist of it. Then she
wanted me to take her home and she started to cry (this upset
me) she kept asking, saying they sat round all day with nothing
to do) I tried to get her to go into the garden but she wouldn't.
She just looks so frail and pathetic. I've noticed she shakes her
head a lot as well

When leaving I spoke to the staff nurse he said she had been
quite happy in the morning, although she refused to sit on the
scales to be weighed.

Yesterday was the worst day since I've been going, it just makes
you feel awful

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Lizzy,
I do sympathize. Hospital visting is so tiring, especially when you go regularly over a long period, and also when you are not seeing any improvement in health.
I think you are wonderful to go every other day, and I`m sure your father really appreciates all the support you are giving him.
Is there any sight of your mother being discharged soo, or is her stay likely to be even longer?
Love xx

 

[SteveS]

Hi Lizzy,

My Dads' been in hospital since then end of April - we've had ups and downs, but are closer to him going into a home.

Each time we miss a days visiting we feel a little guilty - we cannot be there all the time as there are few of us, and Mum is a little on the frail side, however the hospital has a visiting service and one of the "PALS" goes to see him when we can't - it gives us respite and builds our strength for the next visit we make.

There have been some negatives with the hospital, but in the main we can count positives too.

It is really tiring - the journey there, the walk to the ward or unit, and then putting your bit of conversation in (and translation for when the words don't seem true).

Keep going, and when you need to rest get in touch with the local visiting service, it really helps .

Good Luck,

Steve

 

[lynjim]

Hi Know what you mean about the hospital visits I have done them for six months mum is home now but for how long nobody can answer that one. You get good days and bad days for you I know that. Just try to smile and make mum happy thats what I used to do take care Lynne

 

[Lizzy41]

Hi Grannie G

I asked the staff nurse while I was there and he looked on
her notes, but nothing about her coming out. I did say to
him that dad would like her to go home but his reply was
'that is impossible'

 

[carolr]

Hil Lizzie

Visiting is hard not visiting even harder and being support for another parent is tough too. Feeling guilty is so typical of us all and just shows how much you care, keep your chin up my thoughts are with you.

 

[jenniferpa]

Well, while returning home may be "impossible" they should have a discharge plan, and the family have both the right to see it and be consulted on it. If this is a regular NHS hospital that probably won't be with the staff nurse though. If this hospital has a PALS department (patient advice and liaison service?) they may be able to shake this lose for you, or at least find out who is responsible for it.

Having said that, I never was able to find this "plan" in my mother's numerous hospital stays even though literature at her bedside indicated it existed (because it's supposed to be created when someone is admitted). Each time I was told: "you'll have to speak to the consultant" and each time I made an appointment to speak to him, I got a call the next day saying she was being discharged. Coincidence? Maybe.

 

[Nell]

Just wanted to say how much I sympathise with you finding the visiting hard. Fitting in regular visits over a long period is very, very hard to do. I think it is great you are giving your Dad a spell by going every second day, but I do understand how draining it is. I agree with Jennifer that there should be some sort of "plan" for your Mum. Perhaps you can ask about it . . . . ???