1. Amber17

    Amber17 Registered User

    Sep 20, 2019
    Hi my mum had a stroke 2 years ago and developed vascular dementia. Recently she has been admitted three times in hospital in a space of 4 weeks for low sodium and UTIs
    Last admission hospital doctor diagnosed delirium and said she can go in care for better care management for 2-6 weeks trial then decide whether to go home or stay.
    The doctors think I can’t manage as she’s been diagnosed with delirium.

    My mums moved in with me 2 years ago and only recently had three hospital admissions. Before she was fine.
    I could never think of putting her in care She has had delirium when she first moved in I struggled for 14 months then she become completely calm for 8 months.

    Can anyone give advice as I feel the doctors think I’m not doing enough they think care home will give her better care than own loved one. Just because she was admitted in hospital three times. I’m not sure what I was meant to do when gp referred my mum to hospital.
    Can hospital make decisions to force her in care home when I can and want to manage.

    The rest of the health care, gp, psychiatric, dieticians social worker etc think she’s being well cared for.

    I got carers coming 4 times a day for an hour each time to help support. My husband and my children we as a family love and have been caring for her last two years without any problems... she’s not had any illness up until this month.
    I don’t think any care home could provide the level of care she’s already getting.
  2. 70smand

    70smand Registered User

    Dec 4, 2011
    Hello Amber 17, if you feel you can cope with looking after your mum and are happy with the carers coming in to help and all other health professionals are happy with your mums care then I think you have your answer. If the nights are not a problem then I agree that she could not get more love and care than you are providing.
    Sometimes I think some Dr’s just want to ‘fix’ and ‘cure’ and ‘solve’ a problem or illness , as they see it and maybe they think it will stop your mum having to be admitted if she goes in to a home. In reality, we all know that as people get older and frailer they can become sick easier, and can’t be cured, but just treated for their symptoms, until the next time.
    If social workers and your GP is on your side and you are happy to keep caring for your mum at home then you should keep doing so. Unless they have a good reason to show you have not been caring for your mum then I do not think they have a case. They would have to have a multi disciplinary meeting, but you need to ask them specifically what they feel your mum would get from a nursing home compared to home to make a difference to her health.
    I wish you luck and your mum a speedy recovery x
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello @Amber17

    Perhaps the doctors are thinking of you and how you are being affected by caring for your mum.

    As a family it sounds as if you are all caring beautifully for your mum and I`m full of admiration and even a little bit of jealousy because I couldn`t manage this.

    Think about it carefully. Is it affecting your family life or are you all acting as one.

    Dementia or not, your mum is a very lucky woman to have such a loving family.
  4. Alex54

    Alex54 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2018
    Newtown, Wales
    #4 Alex54, Sep 24, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
    I have been in your shoes on a number of occasions. The best advice someone ever gave me was to press for what I thought was best, rather than trying to go along with the flow.
    When I felt I had nothing to lose (they wanted to put my wife into a nursing home) I started to speak my feelings and express my views more forcibly. To my surprise rather than just being labelled as being cranky, the people who had previously had been pushing for certain actions kept quiet and everybody agreed to do things my way.

    Stand up for what you think it best, don't assume other people know more than you do!
  5. Amber17

    Amber17 Registered User

    Sep 20, 2019

    Thank you for your support that’s what I done like yourself stood up as I know my mother is loved and cared for by my children and husband.
    She’s been calmer since I brought her home, but was very confused and restless in hospital.
    Home is the best place for mum with family.

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