So its been years since I came on here as mum was just living her best life in the care home. 3 years later she has broken her hip and is end of life in the hospital. We were so lucky to spend 3 days with her but typical mum just like last time in hospital she "rallies" - how I hate that word with all my heart! So we had to leave as I have a cold (hopefully nothing worse) and cannot see her now. What gets me is mum lost speech in the last 4 months and the nurse said he really believes it is due to lock down. And so now she cannot follow instructions or speak. All I do is sit here and sob and ring the doctors annoying them for updates - which is just "stable / bad heart / end of life". I feel so lost
Hopsital and Covid
- Thread starter pjapril
- Start date
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Im so sorry @pjapril
My mum reached End of Life after breaking a hip too. She had had a couple of "rallies" before then too. It seems to happen more often than you would expect with dementia.
This waiting is hard - its like living in the twilight zone and I sorry that covid means that you cannot be with her. That is extremely hard.
BTW, I think it is irrispronsible of the nurse to suggest that the reason your mum lost her speech is because of the lockdown. Your mum obviously has advanced dementia and this is something that often happens with advanced dementia. The carers would have continued talking to her in her care home, so its not as if no-one was talking to her and thats why she lost her speech. It is not your fault, its dementias.
Im so sorry @pjapril
My mum reached End of Life after breaking a hip too. She had had a couple of "rallies" before then too. It seems to happen more often than you would expect with dementia.
This waiting is hard - its like living in the twilight zone and I sorry that covid means that you cannot be with her. That is extremely hard.
BTW, I think it is irrispronsible of the nurse to suggest that the reason your mum lost her speech is because of the lockdown. Your mum obviously has advanced dementia and this is something that often happens with advanced dementia. The carers would have continued talking to her in her care home, so its not as if no-one was talking to her and thats why she lost her speech. It is not your fault, its dementias.
Hey canary I always remember you answering me every time before - you are so supportive. We did 3 days as she was "end of life" but then she kept going which is typical of mum and so they moved her to a non visits general ward after basic surgery for pain relief. Why I raised about loss of speech is the nurses say they are seeing so many more dementia patients with less speech capacity than normal and they are wondering if it is due to lock down and masks and the fact that all care homes have had a lot less interactions than normal and I think they might be on to something - yes loss of speech is one of the end stages - but so many - so soon in this period - maybe it is interesting... My heart hurts but there is nothing we can do - we said goodbye every day and I just wish her suffering was over xx
thanks Cat - such horrible times to be dealing with this xx
I do get the feeling that it's much harder for people whose parent is in care rather than at home. There's the added feeling of helplessness, which while I was helpless at the same time, I could at least see what was happening, and what I could/could not do about it, while perhaps not being better able to deal with it.
In the end you know that the quality of life is the important part, and when that's gone, there really isn't a lot to be done. Try not to be hard on yourself. My mum lost her speech and understanding even with me being there all the time. When people are at the end of life, you can't work miracles, just hope they're as peaceful as possible.
Have some of canary's (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) from me too.
In the end you know that the quality of life is the important part, and when that's gone, there really isn't a lot to be done. Try not to be hard on yourself. My mum lost her speech and understanding even with me being there all the time. When people are at the end of life, you can't work miracles, just hope they're as peaceful as possible.
Have some of canary's (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) from me too.
Thanks Gill I need hugs - you are all so so kind. The doctors are keeping her “comfortable” and she is cleaner than I have seen her in 3 years (another long story) and all I want is peace for her. It’s just the guilt of not being there to hold her hand... but the end is near for her. She is such a strong and stubborn woman that with all the “comorbidities” they keep telling me she has she hangs on. We really hoped she would go while we were with us. Twice we were called in the middle of the night to return. But she’s still here. Love and care so do not match end of life just let them go to peace xxx
Thanks - it’s such a tough and horrid time to be alone while mum is also alone ...
