1. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Hello all,
    Dad is in the hospital yet again third time in as many months. Heart problems his feet started to swell and last Thursday week I got him onto the emergency GP's list as dad refused to go to the hospital even though that was the instructions given on his last discharge. Anyway, the GP wasn't at all concerned about his swollen feet he thought the problem was that his kidney infection had not cleared so he order more antibiotics. Nothing improved his feet got more heavy and painful and any advise from me was meet with hostility. Monday came and dad felt the antibiotics were helping, by this point I had given up trying to reason I just reminded him what the discharge instructions were and I was greeted with "You would know wouldn't you". Tuesday morning early the phone rang, it was dad the aggressive blast down the phone went as follows; I need to go to the hospital...are you coming to take me...or... are you coming to ring an ambulance. I told him I would be straight over...that was meet with sarcasm...take your time don't hurry on my account. I choose to ignore him and when I arrived over there his feet were so swollen you couldn't make his toes out, he couldn't walk he was agitated and I called the ambulance they were marvelous. The situation now is dad is under a haematologist he has received five bags of blood this Dr feels the heart valve is destroying the blood cells. Dad's condition is too poor to have a valve replacement. He is on a high dose of fluid tablets also on fluid restrictions only four cups a day as his heart can only handle that amount, but, his kidneys need more as the urine is drying up causing infection so it's a no win situation. On top of all this dad is delusional he is convinced the nurses are trying to kill him he is saying they tricked him into believing that they were going to flush is cannula (Sp?) instead they drugged him and dragged him into the bush and left him and it just goes on and on and on. He isn't fearful he has everything under control and he is going to get even. I told the staff so they are aware, also, they said; they think dad has some kind of dementia. I have felt that since his heart attack in May that all was not well. The Dr's have spoke again to him about a care home and that falls as usual on deaf ears. Today dad wasn't very well, yesterday he was much better so what happens is any bodies guess at this stage. On the day he was taken into hospital I received a phone call from my daughter who had gone to visit mum she was frantic, mum was sitting, unaware of everything, mum didn't know her she didn't respond to anything she asked. My daughter called the attendant, who passed it off as waking from a deep sleep even though 20 mins had passed. My daughter left as mum was uneasy with her presence. I was only 10 mins away and when I arrived mum seemed comfortable with me but clearly not recognising me as she usually would. I sat and talked for awhile just to sum the situation up when mum all of a sudden said; Oh it's you mum have you come to take me home. Mum seemed no worse for wear goodness knows what went wrong if anything at all, but it was worrying. Mum knew my daughter when she returned a few hours later. It never rains but pours. Thanks for your time. Regards Taffy.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Taffy,

    I`m so sorry you have so much on your plate. Two such poorly parents, both needing you in different ways.

    Your father sounds very poorly, I do hope he gets the best treatment to make him more comfortable. I`m not surprised he`s angry with everyone.

    It sounds like your mother had just switched off for a while, like one of Dhiren`s lapses.

    You are always so supportive of everyone else on TP. I hope you feel supported too.

    Take care

    Love xx
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Taffy, what a worrying situation for you. Coping with one sick person is exhausting and nerve-wracking; I can only imaging what it must be like to cope with two.

    Your dad does sound very ill. Heart and kidney problems sounds like a no-win situation. Less fluid for the heart, more for the kidneys?:confused:

    I'm not surprised your dad is confused, he sounds just like John was when he had his infection. And your poor mum was having a bad day at the same time. You must have been at the end of your tether.

    Thank you for letting us know, please keep us informed about them both. No advice, just lots of hugs and sympathy.

  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Oh dear Taffy, I'm sorry I have no advice, just hugs and admiration ....

    On top of everything else to deal with this:

    On that score I have some empathy;) .... what many of you deal with here puts me to shame for ever having grumbles of my own .....

    Much love, Karen, x
  5. dave b

    dave b Registered User

    Nov 21, 2006
    taffy,sorry to hear your probs are so great
    most of the time your so strong to all of us on here!
    dont let it get to you,were all behind you,keep it gooing!
    (it's a brummie saying!)good luck
  6. panda

    panda Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    taffy we all know how much you are doing for your parents, It is so hard when you run yourself ragged and they do not even appreciate it. I hope things go ok with your Dad xxx
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    hope you can find time time out for yourself , does sound very stress full time for you wishing you all the best , glad your father went to the hospital at the end , at lest now his in safe hands for now . you handle it all really good xx
  8. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    North Wales
    Dear Taffy,

    Our problems fade away compared to yours.

    Can only send you very best wishes.................and lots of good thoughts
  9. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    south lanarkshire
    Dear Taffy

    I can only sympathise with you, having two parents who are ill, is a very hard road.

    Both Mum and Dad have dementia, but it is affecting them differently, so needs are different and trying to the best for both, of them is very difficult

  10. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Taffy,love and strength will see you all through this.Such bad times can make us focus on the good times.hope all goes well.love elainex
  11. Terri

    Terri Registered User

    Oct 3, 2007

    Sorry I'm new at this and have a lot to learn.
    Your post made me thankful and so very sad at the same time. I only have my MIL to deal with. You have my upmost respect for what you do and go through on a daily bases. I've been taking care of my mom in law for a few years but I'm just know getting to the point where I have no time for myself. It's not anything new to me though I also have a son who is retarded and bi-polar. I'll say a prayer for your dad, mom and mostly you.
  12. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    I thank each and everyone of you for your kind words and support. I phoned dad this morning to see if there was anything he needed me to bring him, he told me to be very careful as the phone was bugged. I said; OK I'll hang up and be in for 11am visit. He was delusional about the staff trying to murder him and I got to see the haematologist who said his blood results were now reasonable enough to stop the transfusions. She put him on iron and folic acid tablets. In a nut shell there wasn't anymore she could do except request frequent blood tests be done to keep a close eye on his anaemia. Dad refused point blank about having respite or residential care so it's up to the admitting cardiac specialist when he goes home and he'll come tomorrow. This afternoon dad had a really bad delusional episode I was asked if I could come and try to calm him, the staff didn't want to stress him anymore than necessary. I arrived to find the ward was in lock down dad was dressed and packed he was going home, dad was so angry and so delusional he was so suspicious, I did however manage to convince him to give a urine specimen and stay one more night, they are thinking UTI. How terrifying this must be for him I feel that maybe the best thing would be, providing the cardiac specialist was satisfied dad's medications were in order, would be for dad to go home from the hospital environment, all this stress on him could bring on a fatal heart attack. Thank you all. Regards Taffy.
  13. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Taffy, love, how are you going to be able to cope if your dad comes home? I know what John was like with the UTI, and your dad sounds exactly the same.

    I'd wait for the results of the urine test first, if they can find the right antibiotic they may be able to clear it up quite quickly. The anxiety and delusions may well be solely the result of the UTI, and if so, hospital is the best place for him at present.

    Sorry, I'm giving advice without knowing the whole picture, and you must decide what's best, of course. But having just been through it, please be cautious.:)

    I hope they manage to get it sorted quickly, please keep in touch. Thinking of you with love and much sympathy,
  14. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Taffy, I have no experience of this situation. It sound as if your dad is suffering fare more than a UTI, do think carefully about whether he is safe to stay at home. I know you want him to, but monitor the situation and if the time comes that you think he needs full-time care, remember that you did your best for him at the time.

  15. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Dear Taffy,
    I am so sorry to hear that both your M&D are in such a bad way at present.

    Just a thought about your Mum - could she have had a mini-stroke (TIA)?? The behaviour you describe seems to happen (for some people) when they have a TIA. Others have different symptoms - my Dad would talk gibberish and hold his tea cup upside down (that sort of thing). If it is a TIA, there is nothing that can be done, as far as I know. Thank goodness she seemed better after you arrived.

    I am wondering how your Dad is?? I would be surprised if the hospital would discharge him whilst he is obviously delusional . . . ?? I DO hope it is a UTI as it will respond to antibiotics as Hazel says.

    The worst part is that you are so torn between caring for both of them, doing what both of them need and finding a way to let them have what they need. It is a truly Herculean task!! I am amazed at your strength and ability to keep on keeping. The sarcasm and nastiness on your Dad's part must be very hard to take, on top of everything else.

    My heart bleeds for you and you are in my thoughts each day.
  16. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Hazel Margaret and Nell,
    Thank you so much for your concern, words are hard to find to tell of my appreciation. I decided this morning after reading Hazel's post that I wouldn't suggest that, dad may be better at home. When I went to the hospital the team's leading Dr pulled me aside and told me that dad didn't have a UTI and that they had sent him early this morning for a brain scan and that they were calling in the psychiatric team to assess him. The heart team will be ready to discharge dad on Thursday, so, if the psychiatric team want him to stay he will be transferred to their unit. Dad's professional career was in psychiatric nursing and this clearly makes things ten times worse, apparently yesterday, different staff came to try and settle dad and then the resident Dr was called and he asked dad if he was hearing voices :eek: this set him off big time. I can't understand why they let dad get to this stage as dad's sister informed the ward Dr on Thursday morning of her concerns about dad been delusional and I again that afternoon spoke with the same Dr with the same concerns. Dad was calmer today still very suspicious but not as angry, I was able to easily move him on in conversation. I'll wait the outcome of the psychiatric report and keep you posted. Regards Taffy.
  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Taffy, thanks for the update.

    I can understand how upsetting this must be for your dad if he was a psychiatric nurse, he must be so aware of what's going on, and terrified of the future.

    I'm glad you've decided not to bring him home yet, hopefully if he's transferred they'll be able to find the right antipsychotic to stop the agitation and delusions.

    Let us know how it goes, and how your mum is.

  18. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Up Date

    Dad was assessed by the psychiatrist and diagnosed as suffering from a persecutory delusional disorder along with delusions of grandiose.
    Dad has been put on Seroquel a anti psychotic drug. A meeting was held early this morning between all the treating Dr's and it was decided that it would be best to let dad home as they had concerns about the physical effects if they kept him in the hospital setting.
    The community mental health team will monitor him closely at home. If at anytime they feel he needs hospitalization treatment then, dad has to go.
    I am very dubious about this decision I told the Dr of my concerns and was reassured that help was at hand I could call for a ambulance to have him returned to the hospital.
    Hopefully, dad settles he is very angry and confused about everything. His medication has to be in a webster pack now and that went down like a lead balloon.
    All I can do at this point is roll with the punches. Thank you for the support. Taffy.
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    All the best Taffy.

    I do hope your father settles at home but it will probably take a while.

    Take care

    Love xx
  20. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Sylvia, dad came home he is very frail and has lost a lot of weight he is very tired probably the drug.
    I don't think dad has any idea he is on the anti psychotic drug, as, he asked me what it was for, I said I wasn't sure. He said, maybe for my heart or kidney I agreed that was possibly right.
    I have a real gut feeling that the shock of all this is going to take a toll on him, or maybe it's my own fears. Dad feels so persecuted by the hospital and his mood goes from great anger to dismay as to how and why they done the things they did to him.
    As you said Sylvia, it will take awhile most likely for him to settle again.
    I am thankful for all the support it helps more than you all know. Best Wishes Taffy.

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