1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Hope you can help me with my dad

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by rowtalk, Nov 14, 2015.

  1. rowtalk

    rowtalk Registered User

    Jun 13, 2014
    67
    Hi I have not posted for a while and I will try to keep this as short as possible, my dad is in a care home, he has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia three years ago, he has just had a test done for his dementia (March he scored 16/30) Tuesday he scored 3/30 they have place him in the advanced stages, he is 89 has advanced cataracts, glaucoma, other degenerative eye problems, he is severely hard of hearing and keeps loosing his hearing aids, he has been given a hand held device that I have to use head phones to talk to him, he seems to be in bed all the time with the guard up, he is loosing weight and now seems to have trouble swallowing, he has arthritis, and seems to have falls, infections and is incontinent.

    What I am really also having problems with is what to get him for Christmas, as he cannot see or hear properly, I have looked on the partial sight websites, I have the idea of something for his hands as he is always fidgiting, but would also like to keep his mind active if possible.

    I am really sorry if this is long winded but I am really struggling with this, and am feeling so low about it all
    Thanks
     
  2. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,604
    West Midlands
    Sorry to hear how your dad is

    I made my mum a fiddle cushion that keeps her entertained.

    I got a cushion, then cut up pockets from an old pair of jeans and sewed that into the cushion cover. I also sewed on ribbons, buttons - again cut from and old dress as I hate doing button holes :) I just sewed onto the cushion anything that I thought had an interesting feel or fiddle with thing

    How about sewing some chain, bolt from a nut, a bobbin, some Velcro, a dry skin pompom bath thing, anything that is tactile and also stuff that is easily pleated, like ribbon, or lengths of wool.

    I'm struggling with ideas for my mums Christmas pressy - but I think I will just make another fiddle cushion as she does enjoy them, that way she always has one when the other is in the wash.

    xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,716
    Female
    London
    I think something like a twiddlemuff to keep his hands occupied might be a good idea. You'll probably fight a losing battle with trying to keep his mind active.

    Whatever you end up giving him, don't expect him to understand why he's been given it - Christmas might go right over his head now.
     
  4. rowtalk

    rowtalk Registered User

    Jun 13, 2014
    67
    Thanks for both your replies I will try to do this, I did omit to let you know though my dad has very large hands, the ring he wears on his wedding finger is more like a curtain ring that is the best way I can describe it so the twiddle muff might not be too good an idea, but thanks sooooo!!! much any way
     
  5. rowtalk

    rowtalk Registered User

    Jun 13, 2014
    67
    Dad has had another fall - 6 that I know of in as many months - this time a cut to the back of the head, no need to go to the hospital they say just closely monitored - 24 hour nursing care home - he now seems to slur and miss his words, cannot seem to get his words out properly.
    It has now been made apparent that when he stands up his BP falls dramatically, they have put him on BP tablets, his GP has asked us - me and by brother (about as much use as a chocolate teapot) to decide on recessucation we have decided DNR.
    His life now appears to be made up of the carers getting him cleaned and up in the morning and them plonking him in a chair outside the nurses area until its time to go back to bed - what kind of life is that??????

    Thanks for listening
    Row talk
     
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,053
    Yorkshire
    Hi rowtalk
    sorry to hear of the falls - a tough time for you all - and a tough decision made, for the best
    I have much sympathy
    there are many good listeners here - so post again, anytime
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    I am so sorry and thinking of you. This is such a difficult emotional decision to make and I really do feel for you. The head bang sounds really nasty for him and life must be uphill all the way :(. Thinking of you all xxxxxx
     
  8. rowtalk

    rowtalk Registered User

    Jun 13, 2014
    67
    Thank you so much for both of your reply, yes the bump on the head is pretty nasty, ad you have to just keep plodding on.
    Row talk
     
  9. rowtalk

    rowtalk Registered User

    Jun 13, 2014
    67
    Hi I had a phone call from the council house yesterday from a lady who goes to the home regarding patients who are considered as loosing or lost there mental ability to speak for themselves, and wanted to know if they could nominate me to speak out for my dad as he is in her books as she went to visit him earlier today as being lost this ability.

    I said that I would do this and met her today at the home to explain more about him and also give my concerns over the home as far as care was concerned, I also have a meeting on Friday with CHC to see how this works.

    Thanks for listening
     
  10. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,053
    Yorkshire
    So glad your concerns are now being heard, rowtalk.
    You are doing so well by your dad.
    I hope the meeting about CHC goes well. Do let us know :)
     
  11. rowtalk

    rowtalk Registered User

    Jun 13, 2014
    67
    Thank you Shedrech, the meeting seems to have gone well, but they think that he will only be awarded the Nursing part of it £112? I have read somewhere that if he gets this that his AA will stop? I also had email correspondence from the audiologist who is going to go to the home and reassess him. I found him today quite a way from his room sitting on a chair in a corridor, I have no idea how he got there but I asked if he could come back to outside his room as they are suppose to be keeping a eye on him??? I am getting to hate this home more and more and am seriously thinking of moving him to somewhere a lot nearer to me, but they are probably all the same??
    Thanks Rowtalk
     
  12. loux

    loux Account Closed

    Jan 18, 2016
    2
    hi am sorry but do they not have any activities on or staff who can do one to ones with your dad ? They need to try stimulate him as just leaving him sat there all day no interactions or activity etc is in my opinion abuse . just because someone as communication difficulties doesnt mean they cant do anything all day x
     

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