Honeymoon well and truly over!!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Cate, Oct 14, 2006.

  1. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi All

    What a week this has been. Thought it was toooo good to be true. Mum now totally hates the NH, wants to go home etc. etc. although the home she remembers is the one she had 30 years ago!!

    I went with hubby last Sunday (having had a number of 'nice' visits with her throughout the week), to be greated by dear old mum back to her usual self having a total hissy fit as soon as she clapped eyes on me. The week before I had borrowed a wheel chair, we had gone for lovely walks around the local lake etc. etc. She loved the company of the other residents, the nurses were kind, food great, sleeping well etc. etc., even had her hair done.

    Sunday we were all toast, she was going to kill us all for dumping her and cases on the door step of the NH and tearing off with smoking tyres. Hay ho, back to normal.

    Mum brother went on Friday, he was greated by the snarling banchee, his visit lasted just 10 minutes!! She wanted to know what was the hold up on the house she was having built (not sure where this one has come from).

    So we are going to listen to the staff and leave visiting for a while, they tell us it takes her quite a while to settle when I have visited, but once she does, she is fine, and it's still very early days yet. Each time I phone, all is well with her. So me thinks the 'special' teatment is for the benefit of the 'children', you know the ones, them with the smoking tyres.

    Oh well, on the upside she is being very well looked after, has gained a little weight, is getting her medication etc. etc. and Woopee do, she doesn't have access to a phone. I know this sounds hard, but we have only just got used to not behaving like rabbits caught in the headlights, and not having that sinking feeling each time the phone rings.
    Take care all
    Love
    Cate
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,417
    Cate, I'm so sorry, but I know you're not suprised. In a way, the fact that the "house" that she refers to is NOT the one she has come from makes it a bit easier - even if she was in her house, she'd want to go to the other one!

    Just hang in there - you know she'll come back to happy (and then back to mad) many more times.

    Jennifer
     
  3. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Jennifer

    How right you are, it took me quite a while to figure which house she was talking about (they had quite a few moves). It's been awful sorting out her home ready to put it on the market, the stuff we have found, packets and packets of toilet rolls and kitchen rolls. Enough tea bags to keep the Navy going for years, it was in a right state. Tins of food going back to the year dot etc. etc. The problem was, to give it a clean up was like a military exercise because she would not let us do it when she was there.

    Grandson arranging to take her out for the day, then me and my brother plus spouses going in armed with cleaning equipment, with grandson phoning us to get a move on cos she wanted to go home. Needless to say we only touched the surface. It's such a weight off knowing that she is so well cared for 24/7, not eating rancid food, personal hygene taken care of etc. so to be honest, the fact that she wants to strangle me is fine by me, I'm just happy she is now safe.
    Take care, and thanks for your words of support.
    Cate
     
  4. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    It is awful when they take their anger out on you. I had Grandad trying to chase me out the door to get in my car when he went under duress to respite.

    It does sound like the home is nice though and it is good your Mother is putting on weight. (Grandad barely ate in respite)

    It is interesting what you say about the "old" house as we've just had a situation with Grandad where he refused to sign his EPA forms cos he said the wrong postcode was on there. It turns out he was remembering his old postcode from 14 years ago!

    Take care and I hope your mother soon resettles.

    Louise x
     
  5. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
    Hi Cate,

    It's possible that the level of care your mother is getting in her new home (eating better, getting more sleep, regular medication and support) has improved her overall state of health. Unfortunately, this improved energy may be expressed in her current outbursts towards some members of her family.

    It sounds like she is in a very good home and the staff are giving you the advice you need about visiting at the moment.

    Dementia is all about peaks and troughs, but at least you know she is safe and happy (for the most part).

    Take care,

    Sandy
     

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