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Registered User
Jan 15, 2015
Well we have finally decided with the help of social services that MIL needs to go in to a hone soon. SS have been brilliant with their help and we have worked out that she will do one day a week with a view to moving in. Anyway to try and do it gently as she gets very upset we have tried to convincer her that the Alzheimer's society she attends is moving. We will be stopping her care there and taking her to the home. The question is people have ask us how she feels about it. Would you tell her that she will eventually be moving in. She has already gone mad and said she doesn't want to go to a new place. It causing us so much stress and guilt but I will be honest in saying I can't wait. After 10 years of us caring I need my life back and she is getting so difficult :( How have other people felt with this? Do you try and explain your moving them in or would you just leave them one day when the time comes. I really don't know!


Registered User
Dec 14, 2011
My mum would never have agreed to a care home. She considered (and still considers) herself completely well, and got extremely angry at the slightest suggestion that she might need help. She wasn't washing, her house was cold and filthy, the fridge was full of rotting food, but she saw none of that. In her head, she was living a busy, independent life and often congratulated herself on her good health and memory.

I knew that me trying to convince her that she needed looking after wouldn't work. Why would it? If someone tried convincing me today that I need residential care I wouldn't agree either and would almost certainly get cross sooner or later, if they kept on with it.

So I told my mum we were going to have a little holiday and when we got to the care home I left her in the capable hands of the carers.

It took her a while to settle but she never realised she was in care, and still doesn't, over two years later. The early issues were mostly about her wanting to go off somewhere and them learning to distract her in ways that work for her.

She's very settled now and her quality of life has massively improved, as has mine.

It's a scary time, but things will work out in the end. Good luck. :)


Registered User
Jun 7, 2013
Trust the experts

My Mum has been in a home for a year now and it took me some time to accept that others could look after her better than me, in some ways. My mum still has no idea that she is in a care home: she used to say she would kill herself before she went in one of those places! Now it is home for her. She is very protective of "her house" as she calls her room, and the carers are really good at keeping her calm and happy. I think sometimes people without all the emotional baggage can be better for those with dementia because they do not have the memories and expectations of what the person used to be like.

Mum moved from a hospital stay into a care home, so the transition was easier than for you. But care homes are very good at the transition.


Registered User
Nov 23, 2014
My Mum too was adamant that she was staying at home 'Its my house!' was the frequent cry. In the end I had to move her with the help of a psychiatric nurse [cpn] who was very supportive. It was definitely against her will and we told her she was going out for a cup of tea. the CH had a well-rehearsed routine for this. Ten years is a long time to care, time to move I'd say. Looking back, I don't know how we did it, Mum was agitated and wandering so really there was no choice.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2015
Thank you everyone thats very comforting x
My mum has just been taken into care. We had her going once a week about a year ago, increased to 2 then 3 then more. She didnt like it at first but recently she'd be really happy about going and was upset if she wasnt. Just before christmas she went every day and then just after christmas we took her in for respite for a week which led to 2 and then it was decided she should stay permanently. She never came back and has never asked to. It's a great relief for us but I'm sure she's happier there with people around her 24/7 so whenever she gets up at whatever time there is always someone there. I must say that the gradual progression of days which then turned into full time care made it much easier as she knew everybody and was really happy to be going there. The social worker was really surprised at how content and happy she wasjust 4 days into her respite and we are very lucky we have found the right place for her. Even though I had tried to have the conversation about staying there before I dont think she really understood what I was saying and it all just happened with no questions asked. She is safe and I have my life back. Good luck!