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Home carer niggles


Registered User
Jan 6, 2014
south east wales
My OH now has a carer for a few hours a week to give me a break. He is kind of ok with it though doesn't really think it is needed. He is usually asleep for a good part of the session. But, I wonder if I am being too picky but I just get the feeling that the carer is Not the slightest bit interested in my OH. I wondered if he -male carer, wasn't that familiar with dementia patients but that is not the case. He hasn't asked me anything about hubby and given that OH wont instigate conversation i had to tell the carer that if he talks to him he is able to respond on a basic level.... AND after the last session i came home to find the tv volume on really low, i would have strained to hear it. So for two hours OH was sitting looking at the tv unable to hear it and unable to say so! I immediately turned it up so the carer knew. Surely this is not rocket science with an elderley man with dementia?
However, I am not sure what to do. Do I ring the manager and see if there might be a better match or am I just being hypersensitive (with the guilt monster trying to get out of the box).
Any comments much appreciated.


Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
I haven't a clue, patchworkamber. I do hope you can get something sorted that's better for the both of you.

Have you been able to chat with this care worker, give some ideas as to how to react around your hubby?


Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
I mostly have the same carers who know my husband and are good with him but occasionally for illness or to cover annual leave I have someone who does not know him.
For occasions like this I have various folders with information about my husband, his likes, dislikes,family, interests in the past etc. I have one sheet with details of his day to day needs which contains details about how to help him to the toilet and how he likes his tea.
My husband was a cross country runner and I have a folder full of cuttings and anecdotes about this. He was also keen on scouting and there is a another about that. I have two home recorded CDs, one of my husbands father telling some of his anecdotes and another of my husbands two sons recording childhood incidents. My husband always enjoys listening to these. I find having this sort of material helps them initiate conversation with my husband and he can then respond although he could not initiate this by himself.
I would not be happy to come back and find the TV on at an unsuitable volume but I would have no problem if they were watching one of my husbands favourites such as Life of Brian or listening to one of the comedies he likes on CD.
It can be quite hard to make a connection with someone with dementia. We have the added difficulty that my husband is blind so there is no looking through photos.
I think it might help to give the carers more guidance as to what you would like to happen but if there is still no connection then I would ask to swap.


Registered User
Jan 6, 2014
south east wales
thank you for your response. I have been meaning to put together a folder about hubby. So far i have just put down some more practical details such as operating the gas fire and dvd player. When my dad went into a nursing home, he to had dementia, I put together a folder of his life which the staff found useful. I guess I am putting this off as it seems too painful a reminder of the path to come...
Will see how things go next week with the carer. Am hoping to get direct payments for care staff when I go back part time so will need to address this.


Registered User
Feb 11, 2015
Hello Patch, If it were me I'd want better and perhaps you could start by establishing what the providers of the 'care' intend to supply - is it just a 'body' in the house to be there whilst you're not or do they work to offer appropriate and targeted interaction - for some they may want to just sit quietly if they are at a stage where interaction isn't a positive thing but for others, and I'm guessing this would apply for your OH manageable conversation/activity etc. would be much better.

I think you'll know pretty soon once you ask what their policy is and whether pursuing things with them is worth it or that finding a new agency is a better route.


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
I had male volunteers for a couple of hours a week and they were brilliant. One took him to an Alz Scotland group, one to buy a newspaper and for a short walk, John asked one to go to Church with him and he did! This was on a Friday morning so we were all taken aback.

I found these young men to be friendly and interested but they were doing this because they wanted to and not for money so perhaps that was the difference.

It gave me time to have a swim or a haircut.