1. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    A few months ago we had a letter from the NHS care at home team to tell us that they were introducing 'Zoning' for the all home care in town and that our provider would be changing.

    Weeks later we were told that we wouldn't be changing after all as our care package was too much for the new company to cover.

    I've just received a phone call from Care at Home to say that they'll be round on Thursday to discuss the new provider and introduce us to them.

    *Screams into a pillow*

    Apparently they want to speak to my in laws about it! :eek:
    I explained the situation and told her that MIL doesn't even know she has carers, just thinks the neighbours are really helpful and that she wouldn't remember the conversation 5 minutes later and that FIL wouldn't follow the conversation and trying to would just distress him. She didn't sound at all convinced and just muttered something about how 'We'll see how it goes'. I can see Thursday being 'interesting'.

    FIL hasn't slept through the night since he's been back from respite, they psychiatrist still hasn't sorted a prescription and now this carry on.

    FIL has spent all day shouting for his shoes and demanding to know 'HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!'

    He's almost fallen more times than I can count today because he's so determined but doesn't have the mobility to back it up. He's currently found his shoes and is trying to put them on.

    I'd love to say I'm looking forward to bed time, but he doesn't sleep so it makes no difference.
    Last night he disconnected his night bag 4 times. 4 bed changes.
    Then insisted at 4am that 'Someone has died! Don't you understand? I have to put the death notice in. I'm the secretary! You're going to get me INTO TROUBLE!'

    I've tried the 'I'm not discussing this' tactic. It just makes things worse. Sometimes I can just agree with things in a non-committal kind of way, but on occasions like that when agreeing would mean getting him up and then... well I don't know what then I have to resort to trying to talk sense into him. Not easy and it makes me feel like I'm just being mean.

    Anyway, consider me momentarily purged. :D
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    awww Fairy. Why are professionals so dumb. Many years ago when i first started working with children i always believed that we should listen to the parents and I still believe that and I believe that professionals should listen to families and carers (with some degree of common sense) why do they still ride roughshod over people, not listening and then sit back and wonder why they got it so wrong (or do they even reflect on that). Drives me bonkers!!.

    You have had a right proper week and I really feel for you and wish you some fairy dust to help your FiL sleep tonight and give you some rest

    Thinking of ya!!!
     
  3. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    If Fairy Dust resides in a wine bottle, then I have plans. ;)

    I am sitting here listening to a newbie(ish) home carer asking MIL if she 'would like to pop through to the toilet'?

    MIL is politely declining.

    i'll just pop through and sort the situation otherwise this particular carer will just leave MIL sitting there without so much as a passing word to me. I know this as she's done it before.

    Then that's the tea-time toilet calls over and FIL will be back to 'Where are my shoes? What have you done with my shoes? I want to get outside. How do I get outside? WHY WON'T YOU LET ME GO OUTSIDE?'


    *Eyes bottle of wine in the fridge longingly*
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    I don't think that newbie(ish or not) carer has any sense. Very kind of her to ask politely and definitely ticks the boxes of the care manual but it terms of getting the job done (as it were) it is less use than a chocolate teapot. Are all the carers at your home care agency that bloomin useless??????

    This is probably a daft question but can't the GP or consult give some meds to aid sleep (his not yours) you must be totally zonked out?

    Respite must have seemed like heaven.

    Bottle of wine good idea but there must be other helpful solutions too (you are right fairy dust is far to feeble in circs such as these)
     
  5. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    #5 Biggest Fairy, Nov 17, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2015
    Some of the carers are amazing, but the office is absolutely useless and rarely sends the send carer more than twice a month.

    The GP is also useless and 'Won't prescribe anything that might take FIL off his feet'.
    I've tried to explain that he's already off his bloody feet as more than a few steps results in a fall and he never uses his frame or rollator during the night.

    The only consult we have is the psych who said he would be here within a fortnight (that was over a month ago) and when I phoned I was informed that he quit. New psych is working his way through the caseload apparently.

    Paracetamol seems to take FIL down from climbing the walls to just restless, so that's something.

    I am tired to the bone, but there's nowt I can do about it and in the words of Dory from 'Finding Nemo' I just keep swimming.

    It'll be half a glass of wine with dinner if I ever get a chance to have dinner.
    We've just had the changing of the guard. An evening event where we move from 'I need to get outside/Where are my shoes?' to I need to see where everyone is sleeping/Where am I sleeping?/I'M DESPERATE FOR MY BED NOW!!

    The night carers will put him to bed at about 8:30 and I'll be lucky if he sleeps for an hour before the night time shenanigans start.

    Night time loops are I don't know where I am/What I'm supposed to be doing etc. I know it sounds terrible, but the night time delusions at least give us something new and interesting.
     
  6. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,713
    Female
    London
    Gosh, you poor thing. I hope he gets higher rate Attendance Allowance for all his needs!

    Dory is my hero, her words are permanently in my signature. I can't wait for "Finding Dory" to come out. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2277860/?ref_=nv_sr_1
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    You really make me laugh but I so feel your pain. You need at least 6 hours sleep so it is absurd saying that they can't take him off his feet. My ma had a really bad patch and the doc said no sleeping tabs because they were worried about wooziness causing a fall - I understand that but they did prescribe diazepam for very short term - couple of weeks to give me some rest and I just gave her half a tab and it worked (with paracetamol without which we would NOT have survived!!)

    Does he go to any day care/lunch club at all? At least that might give him reason to put his shoes on and give him something to tire him out! might also give you a chance to nap! I also read recently that a short walk morning and night helps settle - of course that might not be possible but if it is it might be worth a try. He just doesn't have an 'off' switch does he!

    The psych is going to be your key - can you hurry an appt by shouting 'carer breakdown, vulnerable adult'? TBH it doesn't sound as though you can wait for him to work through his caseload - the toll on you must be awful!

    I've spoken to a few care agencies recently and it seems that they will send the same carers to people who 'insist'. have you tried insisting? They deal with those who shout loudest. Just tell them that you need no more than a team of 5 carers are your PiL are becoming very confused and it is making them very unsettled and putting them 'at risk'. Worth a try.

    So sorry that you are having so much difficulty,keep plodding and keep posting xx
     
  8. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    If I didn't laugh I'd be found rocking in a corner and eating my own hair. :D

    I've tried everything (including being a shouty pest) with the care company and got nowhere. By the sounds of it we're being changed to a new company anyway, so I'll try again from scratch with them.

    We've phoned the psych and SS this week and done the carer breakdown bit, but silence is the deafening reply.

    He usually goes to the day centre three times a week. They're pretty useless and it's not all day, but at least it gets him out, however, their minibus is off the road just now, so he hasn't been there since he got back from respite.
    I'd love to take him for a walk, but his limit is the front door and back. I can't even take him out in the wheelchair as he says it frightens him. It's the kind with the small back wheels and they're hard plastic so it makes quite a noise and that's what does it. I asked the OT for the self wheeling kind as it has pneumatic tyres, but I haven't heard any more about that either.

    I found the email address of the guy who owns the home care company today, so he's going to get a very long email tonight. Even if he ignores it, I'm sure I'll find it therapeutic.
     
  9. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,713
    Female
    London
    Could SS find you another day centre that's a bit less useless maybe? Clutching at straws here!
     
  10. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    The only other one in town in the Alzheimer's Society one and they have a waiting list which we're (allegedly) already on.

    I put him back to his chair just before I started to answer this and now I have to go back and do it again. I'm trying to cook chowder, but I'll have to switch it off and worry about it later.
     
  11. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    Saved (briefly).

    DD2 just got home from work and is sitting in with him while I finish cooking our dinner. I'll have to be quick though, he's already calling her a bully because she won't let unplug the telly and take it to his house!
     
  12. Pegsdaughter

    Pegsdaughter Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    129
    London
    Must say I would be tempted to take videos on my phone at regular intervals and show them to all and sundry and ask how they would cope with this behaviour without resorting to violence. Not that you would but how are they to know. I think the term is they are taking the p....


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  13. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    oh my goodness. Add to your email to care company that if you don't get a positive response you will report them to the CQC as useless and send a letter to the press - that usually puts the wind up them and copy it to social services as well - that will frighten the wotnots as they might lose some of their business. They need a blooming good kicking as does OT and psych. I think wheelchairs are a bit frightening to be honest and it isn't really the weather for it either so maybe forget that naff suggesstion of mine for now before you get blown away like mary poppins. The psych is really your key and I still think you should just phone every day - i know it is a pain but one phone call doesn't seem to penetrate the thick skins

    Surely they can provide some other transport - still that is probs another useless tack, my Mas day centre closed down because they all needed to take a holiday in the same two weeks - had a few choice words to say about that too!!

    Are you on your own coping with all this?
     
  14. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    My OH helps as much as possible, but he has his own business and now that I'm not working he's having to work 12 hour days (and more) to make up the shortfall. He does what he can.

    My DDs 17 and 19 live with us and help when they can, but they both work full time and have their own lives to lead.

    I will phone the psych again tomorrow and if I get nowhere I will take your advice and just phone every day.

    I have a video of FIL at about 3 o'clock one morning. I'm tempted to email that to the psych, never mind anyone else.
     
  15. Biggest Fairy

    Biggest Fairy Registered User

    Jan 26, 2015
    37
    Inverness
    Well, that's the night carers in and popping the PILs off to bed.

    Hopefully OH will be home from work soon and we can eat dinner together. He's got half an hour because after that I can't guarantee being to sit down and eat without having to go through to FIL.

    Fingers crossed for a relatively disturbance free night.
     
  16. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    i would defo email the video to the psych sitting at his nice comfortable desk in his cosy office and being paid for by your taxes lol, give him something to think about!!!!! I'd follow it with a note saying you are also sending it to the local press.

    I also think they are taking the michael - i agree with Pegsdaughter - regular videos sent daily at the very least - your new buzz word 'PEST' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.