1. linjean

    linjean Registered User

    Aug 20, 2007
    5
    canada
    I just discovered this site like yesterday. I've been touched by what I've read so far. people are so caring. and so suffering. and so positive.

    I'd like to know if anyone can tell me about caring for a loved one at home and having an at home death.

    not meaning to be morbid . . .
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Hello linjean, welcome to TP.

    I care for my husband at home and it is physically and emotionally draining, but there is no alternative.

    He is a long way from death, so I can`t help you there.

    Take care
     
  3. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hi linjean,
    Welcome to TP. Caring for someone at home is like Sylvia said physically and emotionally draining. It's a very repetitive task, it's usually a lonely life and full of many challenges. But, at the end of the day it's also rewarding, knowing everyday your manage to survive, is one day less of seeing your loved one in a care home. I can't help on the home death no experience on that one. Regards. Taffy.
     
  4. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    308
    Huddersfield
    Hello linjean and welcome
    I have been caring for Margaret at home for over 7 years and it certainly doesn't get easier as time goes on.
    As Sylvia says it is physically and emotionally demanding but you can, by organising your time and effort cope with almost anything.
    Taffy is correct when she says it is also very rewarding, and you develope a sense of pride in what you are attaining, and a deal of job satifaction for your efforts.
    There is a lot of help available if you look for it and in some cases fight for it.
    I don't know your circumstances but my personal opinion is, that it is somewhat easier to take on full time caring for a spouse than caring for a parent.
    I have no personal experience of death at home, sorry.

    Cheers Frank
     
  5. linjean

    linjean Registered User

    Aug 20, 2007
    5
    canada
    thank you frank, taffy, & sylvia. seven years! homecare with no alternative!

    my mom is 91 years old and was diagnosed (?) almost four years ago and she moved in with me for a year when my house was alive with two high needs foster kids and mom was at the height of her wandering and she could never figure out who those kids are and why don't they go home so, when the personal care home called and offered her a room, it was timely. she's been in the PCH for about a year and her condition has declined rapidly.
    she has been seriously medicated with an antipsychotic drug to sedate her. she has been rendered zombie-like. she has been visibly unhappy.

    now the foster kids are gone and I am alone in my house.
    five days ago I brought mom home from the personal care home for a three week leave-of-absence to see if it might be possible for me to care for her here again.

    I have not administered The Drug since she arrived.

    she is clearly happier here with me - she helps with chores, putters & toddles enjoys the freedom to go outside and sit in the sun, takes pleasure in scritching the dog, stroking the cat. I am happy to have her here.

    I worry about what might be ahead. I am not a nurse.
    - linda
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Dear Linda,

    As your mother seems so much happier with you, and as you seem in control as things stand now, can I suggest you have a contingency plan at the ready, in case caring gets too demanding for you.

    Until then, enjoy the company of your mother as much as you now seem to be doing.

    We are none of us nurses.
     
  7. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    I'm not sure what is available in terms of home hospice care in Canada when the time comes. I do know a friend of mine (in the US) took his mother to live with them out of a home when it was clear that her prognosis was not good and they had a fair amount of help from nurses provided through the Hospice service.

    Jennifer
     
  8. linjean

    linjean Registered User

    Aug 20, 2007
    5
    canada
    "we are none of us nurses"

    I actually find that comforting. makes me one of you.
    thank you.
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Dear Linda,

    It is probably the last thing in the world, those of us who become carers, plan for, or expect.

    We are all novices, with the exception of the few, and even they find it completely different to nurse a family member, rather conduct themselves in a professional capacity.

    I`m pleased you feel `one of us`, for that is what you are. All we can offer each other is a shoulder to lean on, or a shoulder to cry on. We learn from each other by sharing our experiences.

    Please keep in touch.

    Love xx
     
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,975
    Toronto, Canada
    Linda,
    Where are you located in Canada? Because I'm in Ontario & know a bit about how you can go about getting home help for when the time comes. Also, Sylvia's suggestion about having a contingency plan is a good one. Planning ahead is essential, I find.
     
  11. hazelflower

    hazelflower Registered User

    Aug 22, 2007
    10
    carmarthen
    caring at home

    i have just discoverd this forum today and am amazed at the help and support that everyone gives each other. I have just taken on caring for my mother in law who has moved with us to a house with an annex, she can remain independant to a degree but i do a lot for her and am on hand if she should need me..its harder than i thought and this was not taken on without a lot of thought and ecperience,, i am a agency nurse previoulsy caring for alzheimer patients but didnt bargain for the emotional toll it would take and the feeling of beeing trapped that i have..oh here comes the guilt too !!! i feel cheated out of my freedom having just a year child free with all grown up and settled elsewhere, i was just getting used to being with my husband on our own and now we have mother here too..sorry to all you people who have selflessly cared for years, what a moaner you must think i am...an i dont get such a bad deal..but that dosnt stop the resentment..how do i cope with that??? i would appreciate any help or advice.
     
  12. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,975
    Toronto, Canada
    Well, Hazelflower, unless there's a way to stop being human, resentment will rear its nasty little head periodically. You'll find you'll develop an ebb & flow with your positive & negative emotions. As your MIL has good & bad days, so will you with your emotions. Just try & ride it out as best you can. You're doing the most you are able & that's what counts.

    Moaning is fine - come here & moan, rant, rave & vent. It's good for the soul.
     
  13. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Dear Linjean

    If you enjoy caring for your mother, and she is still able to help around the house and potter in the garden, it seems ideal to me. She might want a little company from people of her own age from time to time, so suss out if there is some community activity she can attend once a week, say.

    If she gets to the stage when she is unable to enjoy the same things at home, I would seriously consider residential care as her enjoyment will no longer be in doing things, but in talking to like-minded people.

    But for the time being, carry on the good work, and best of luck to you.

    Margaret
     

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