Home Alone

[Padraig]

This last week or so I have been feeling very ill. For those who say cancer patients have very good support, think again. By now I've come to the conclusion that once you reach a certain age, it's easier to to be ignored. In the earlier hours of this morning I was meant to be joining our daughter and husband on their way to Bristol Airport. A number of family members arranged a Christmas week's skiing holiday in France. It was planned in January and I agreed to go. I'd hoped to join them right up to yesterday, but our daughter could see that I was very unwell over the past week. Sharp girl: "Dad if you don't wish to go, you don't have to go just to please me. I'll stay with you" I knew that I would be a burden and told her she was right. It was only fair that she spend her time with her husband who came over from Iraq for the week. Should they have a holiday to remember it will cheer me up no end and will be worth the loss of £1,500 for my part of the all in holiday. She will also have her eldest son, his wife and eight year old grand daughter.
Christmas will just be another day for me as the hill to our house is impassible. Bad enough up to now, but after to-day's fresh heavy snow fall we are now cut off.
Thank God the winter weather was a lot kinder during the years I cared for my wife. She has thrown off the weight of Alzheimer's and and earth's worries. I'm just waiting to join her. May you blessings help to outshine your sorrows.

 

[Grannie G]

It sounds feeble I know Padraig but I`m sorry you are home alone. xx

 

[lin1]

Oh Padraig
Am sorry your feeling unwell and not getting the support you need and should have,
and this weather certainly dont help does it.

Maybe you should contact your consultant and gp

Macmillan nurses are very good So do phone them if you havent done so already.

Wish I had a magic wand to make you better
((((((HUGS))))))

 

[Izzy]

Also sounds feeble but I'm thinking of you. X

 

[sallyc]

Like everyone else, I wish there was something I could say to make things better for you. I'm so very sorry that you're not feeling up to going on the family Christmas holiday, and even more sorry that you are left spending Christmas alone. If you lived near me, I'd come and visit you myself. Take Care.

 

[Bronwen]

What a lovely family you all are and in particular, your daughter, who would have given up her holiday for you...please try to hold on to this over the Christmas and try to recall your happy family memories.

A lot easier said than done, I know. My husband is in a care home and I am getting used to living on my home and no matter how kind everyone is,nothing helps the lonliness, especialy during the night hours.

Ihope they managed to get away from Bristol Airport in this awful weather.About half hour's drive from me.

love
Bronwen x

 

[maryw]

Padraig, we're at opposite ends of the country, but if you were nearer I'd be popping in for tea and bringing home-made cake xxxxxx

 

[Necion]

A lovely family indeed, your daughter for offering to stay with you, but also for you not accepting her offer. As a mother, I understand your desire for your daughter to have a good holiday, but it was still very brave and unselfish of you to send her on holiday.
I hope you keep well for the time they are away, remember there's always us here, whatever the day!
Love, Necion. x

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello:
Its hard to be alone but hopefully you will think on what a lovely family you have and how wonderfully you cared for your wife.

My family may be here depending on weather. Its lovely but I still miss my husband desperately. I can still visit and love him dearly but dementia has taken away much of what we shared.

If you feel really alone please log into TP as I am sure there will be someone online to 'talk' to you.

Love

 

[sistermillicent]

Life can be so unfair, you should not be suffering like this. I will be on TP at some point on Christmas day so will be with you if you log in.

Pippa x

 

[Nanak]

What an unselfish act Padraig.
I am so sorry you will be alone on Christmas Day. The weather you are all experiencing in UK at the moment has ruined so many family reunions and visits this Christmas.
There will be people on TP on Christmas Day Padraig so you won't be completely alone. I will be with you in spirit (not much help I know) and sending you good wishes from Australia.
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come

 

[DozyDoris]

Sometimes life is poop. Thank you so much for your Christmas wishes to us, you are truly a selfless gentleman, I never run out of warmth for those who need it so I am sending you some now Padrig, x

 

[Padraig]

I've just read all your wonderful comments of support. Tears have never come easy, but your comments of love shine through and with great effort I'm holding back the tears. Emotions have become harder to control over time as I grew up with out them. The family my wife and I started was my first experience of a loving family life. As I've often said; life has two sides and I seek the brighter side.
I'll be on the computer most of the time over the Christmas as my third book, though completed requires more crafting. I often giggle when I reflect on the unusual life I've had. Like many people at Christmas we recall childhood memories. I'll always remember the excitement with which we looked forward to Christmas dinner. We kept mouthing the words; ham, roast peas pudding and wine. It was the one day of the year that we tasted a slice of ham, a portion of beef and of course some Christmas pudding. The wine was lemonade. My first year of freedom (released in Oct.) to the outside world was 1947; aged 16, where for the first time I saw shops and houses decorated. There was so much to observe and learn about then; cards and presents etc. Christmas really started for me when I married. I'll be happy on my own, knowing all our children, grand children, and great grandchildren will enjoy a happy family Christmas. May all you wonderful giving people experience the happiness you so richly deserve.

 

[Beezed]

Dear Padraig,

I hope you will get to spend some time with your family after Christmas. In the meantime, take good care of yourself. You come across as the most caring selfless man and I am glad to have made your (virtual) acquaintance.

Sending much love,

Will look out for you on Christmas Day.

Love,

Jeanne.

Nollaig shona duit. xxx

 

[sad nell]

Padraig just sending my love, and hope you have a peaceful pain free Christmas and manage to complete your book,are you still able to go out running, I remember you loved doing so. take care in Pam

 

[gigi]

Dear Padraig,

Just to say how much I admire your selflessness in letting your family go for a Christmas holiday. I hope you can make it up afterwards with some good family time together.

Wishing you a comfortable and peaceful Christmas..I hope you'll be feeling a little better by then and be able to concentrate on your book.

Love xx

 

[Padraig]

Pam,
Sad to say I've not tried to run for some time now. That scares me, as I see it as though I might be losing control of my life. It is so hard to explain the way I see life. More than ever I now realize why my wife use to say of me: "Your Strange." One wonderful thing has happened since I became ill; our daughter now always embraces me and gives me a peck on the cheek. My wife was the first person I allowed into my life. She made me feel accepted and managed to train me, just like you win over a stray dog. Others tried but I always ran away; couldn't cope with kindness. I'll be happy over Christmas knowing our grandchildren will be around their own tree enjoying the happy faces of their children.
I've just received new medication to-day and if it works I shall have a go at a run in the snow. I got in touch with the GP: didn't wish to bother him he's busy this time of year, but I felt real bad. Thank you all, it's nice to have some one to talk to. Must cook some pasta for tea.

 

[Cate]

Dear Padraig

I am so sorry to see you are not feeling well at the moment and not able to join the family.

I do hope the new medication does the trick, you deserve a bit of good luck, and dont go putting on those trainers for a few days yet, let the snow and ice melt a bit first

Sending you a massive hug and thinking of you.

Love
Cate xxxxx

 

[Padraig]

Thanks Cate,
It seems you're right, yesterday was my worst day since I got out of hospital. After a sleepless night of pain I got up to take my new medication: a Lansoprazole 30mg gastro-resistant capsule. I tried a sip of water, but could not swallow as I gagged on it. There was no way I was going to attempt to take a capsule. The pain was so bad I was crying out in agony. In the end I had little option but to phone for a doctor. A lady doctor arrived about a hour later; she had to walk through the snow. I kept telling her I was sorry for the inconvenience I caused. The problem is I don't think our local GPs know enough about Cancer. Their answer is always painkillers which I reject. It seems to me I'll have to learn how best to handle this problem just as I had to learn about Alzheimer's. After a good night's sleep and feeling better to-day, I tell myself; so what's new? I've had to learn most things in life on my own.
The strangest thing happened yesterday. For no apparent reason I suddenly felt the presence of my wife;Jean, and made a quick recovery! There was always something very special about her that I could never figure out. She was a woman's woman. When I once asked a woman what it was, she replied: "You can trust her, she'd never flirt with a husband or boyfriend and you can tell her personal things in confidence." She lives forever in my heart.

 

[TinaT]

God bless you Padrig,

I'll be on my own on Christmas Day too after I have left Ken at the care home and come back to our home. I'm not in pain as you are my friend. I'll pop onto TP sometime in the afternoon when I get back so at least we can say Happy Christmas together if you would like to.

xxTina