1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. DeMartin

    DeMartin Registered User

    Jul 4, 2017
    711
    Kent
    Morning Rosebay, I’m not in the same situation, Mum is in a home, And I have a OH, but I found I didn’t have enough social interaction.
    I volunteer at a charity shop, only a few hours but meet other ladies from other walks of life, I also belong to some craft groups, most of these do a lot of talking and not a lot of crafting!
    The topics can range widely, from where to buy some obscure recipe ingredient to topics you would not expect genteel lady Embroiderers to discuss. They all give support, a lot of them have PWD in their lives, but we’d rather discuss baking.
     
  2. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    I know. x
     
  3. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    Thank you DeMartin. I hadn't thought of that. I use to have lots of craft hobbies that I enjoyed doing. I will google and see if I can find anything here where I live.
     
  4. DixonC

    DixonC Registered User

    Aug 3, 2016
    28
     
  5. sah

    sah Registered User

    Apr 20, 2009
    332
    Dorset
    My husband has been in a care home for nearly two years.I still teach one/two days a week but last winter was bleak-I nearly went under-so I began volunteering at the local National Trust place this year. Only have to do one day a fortnight-can do more if you want to. Best thing I've done in years. It doesn't help with the lonely evenings but it does get me off the sofa and out, mixing with lots of new people in a situation which is easy to go to on your own-plus I love history which helps! I'd certainly recommend volunteering- it's hard work but worth and I can book in hours around visiting husband.
     
  6. DixonC

    DixonC Registered User

    Aug 3, 2016
    28
    Know how you feel on your birthday, it was mine Jan 7th last year John got annoyed that I had presents and not him, when someone wished me Happy Birthday he then got annoyed that he didn't know about it. This year I went out for the day with our daughter and two granddaughters. Would have loved to have shared it with John but they said he was asleep in bed as he hadn't gone to bed untill 3am, something he often did at home.

    Hope you manage to become involved in new things and enjoy meeting new people, I am hoping to do the same. Take care Rosebay x
     
  7. jennypie

    jennypie Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    126
    North yorkshire
    Hi everyone, I am in the same position my husband is in a nursing Home since just after Christmas and how strange life is after being a full time carer to having no focus I struggled to get out of bed in a morning but having dogs meant I had to, once up things improve but have to force myself to make plans meet friends sort through a cupboard etc,keep busy. Sadly now he’s end of life and I’m sitting by his bed overnight so he’s not alone but I’m glad he’s in this nursing home staff on hand to turn him and give expert nursing care I couldn’t of coped at home without 24 hour care, love the man he was and pray he doesn’t linger too long xxx
     
  8. Everton Annie

    Everton Annie Registered User

    I feel so sad for you @jennypie . I hope he doesn't have to suffer too much more now, or you. I find my days busy as I am still a carer for my youngest son. I have joined groups but struggle if the group is too big. Like you my dog makes me get up and go out, just waiting for some improvement in the weather, that might lift my spirits. Visited my husband today who was very agitated and sitting at the dining table doing something with the tablecloth. Asked what he was doing and he told me was busy working it out, I asked him what and his answer was, how to get rid of you! I don't take it personally because he has no idea who I am but no point hanging around when he is agitated. The man I married was a kind and considerate man with a wicked sense of humour it is distressing to see whatthis disease has done to him. I hope you have a peaceful night @Jenny pie and can begin to find your happy and loving memories.
     
  9. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    Just to let all my friends here know that my husband passed tonight. Fortunately I was with him which was what I always wanted to be. I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do now without him.
     
  10. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,741
    Salford
    I'm so sorry to hear that Rosebay, after all that you've been through. There's nothing I can say that would mean anything or express how I feel about your loss.
    Kevin
     
  11. Theresalwaystomorrow

    Theresalwaystomorrow Registered User

    Dec 23, 2017
    347
    Thinking of you & big hugs xx
     
  12. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    @Rosebay I'm so sorry to read your news. Wishing you strength.
     
  13. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Rosebay, I'm very sorry to hear your sad news. Please accept my condolences.
     
  14. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    Thank you all for thinking of me.I have hardly slept all night and I am not even dressed yet. I am a complete mess and although I knew how this was going to end I wasnt prepared. I dont seem to be able to stop crying. I am to young to be home alone
     
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,919
    Suffolk
    ((((Hugs))))) Rosebay.
     
  16. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    Thank you Spamar
    I guess I will now have to move to the After Dementia - dealing with loss forum now
     
  17. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,833
    Nottinghamshire
    So sorry to read your news Rosebay. It's a shock even when you know it's coming.
     
  18. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    Thank you bunpoots . I am dressed now and my sister is on her way round. Its a lovely day here so I think I need a long walk to help me clear my head. We always use to go walking together hand in hand I hope he is still by my side
     
  19. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,032
    Female
    Chester
    So sorry to read your news xx
     
  20. Boromir

    Boromir Registered User

    Jan 25, 2018
    14
    Dear Rosebay, so sorry for your loss. I came across this page for rather obscure reasons, but decided to sign up so I could mention a couple of references that I found useful while coping with my mother's passing in 2015 (she had Alzheimer's), and my father's passing almost a year ago. Now I help care for my step-Dad who has dementia. As a new account user I cannot post links, but if you search in the usual way you should be able to find the relevant pages (or an established user here could search and post the links for you).

    The first is a page on the web site of the British Psychological Society, titled, "Coping with Bereavement".

    The second is a page on the main NHS UK site, also called, "Coping with Bereavement".

    My family and I found these documents very informative, especially in understanding the range of reactions that are perfectly normal. Naturally, the articles cover many of the same issues, but have a different focus (I recommend reading the BPS article first). Both have additional suggestions for those needing futher information, support and advice.

    My step-Dad and mother were married for over 25 years. With hindsight, my main conclusion is that, when a husband or wife passes away, there is a degree to which social and care services perhaps understandably focus more on the immediate physical medical needs (if any) of the remaining partner, as opposed to emotional or psychological factors. Perhaps there is an assumption that an older person is more experienced in life and thus ought to just be able to handle things better, but such an assumption is often in error. If a parent loses a child, there is significant proactive emotional support available, but the situation is very different for an elderly person who loses a partner.

    Thus, I am glad you have the support of your family and others here at this time, and your comments have helped me to understand better what my step-Dad has been going through, so it is a very good thing that forums such as this exist.

    Best wishes.
     

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