I ready a post on this forum earlier today after a google search on the topic of "Visiting Loved one with Dementia on holidays" and wanted to put my 2 cents in after reading some of the responses given. My mother is in late stages of vascular dementia. I'm learning as I go like I assume most of us are out there. The thing I am learning is no two dementia people are the same. There is no exact textbook look on how things will manifest. Yes- forgetfulness, depression, irritability, loss of depth perception, confusion and other general symptoms are across the board. It seems to me the differences are degrees of and how they effect them personally. I've gone a long way around to get to my point. Visiting your loved one. With my mother it's a very fine line. Time of day of course- how long you stay and sadly who is visiting. Now holidays- it would be too upsetting to take her somewhere and visiting her with the intent of celebrating let's say their birthday. On some level my mom knows there is something wrong but she cannot verbalize these feelings. Seeing family puts a mirror in her face reminding her on some level. Family has always been a big part of my moms life- so celebrating her birthday with her (I can still go and see her) leads to a connect the dots of "oh, it's my birthday, why am I here, who's birthdays did I miss, is my mom coming to see me...." It is just too much of a land mine to even go there. Everyone has different feelings or beliefs on this topic and that's ok. I know personally visits centered around a holiday are too much. The staff says she is combative and becomes restless whenever visits are not delicately handled. I figure this- if my mom doesn't know it's a holiday I know she doesn't ever have the feeling of being abandoned. - it's about meeting her needs where she is not trying to make a square peg go in a round hole so things are comfortable for US. To each is own- does anyone else have a loved one with dementia that reacts similar to my mom?
Holidays- visiting at Nursing home - clean up
- Thread starter Julemar
- Start date
Hello Julemar
Hello Welcome to TP
We too had to stop celebrating special occasions.
My mum stopped being able to understand them, which confused her greatly.
So instead I gave mum something nice to eat, I have many fond memories of mum smacking her lips and saying mmmm. that is not to say I didn't give mum nice or special things to eat every day, she had some everyday, I just gave mum additional food treats on special occasions.
We knew it was her birthday, Christmas, or wedding anniversary and that had to be enough. Yes it made me sad that mum know longer knew , but better me being sad than having mum upset or confused.
I like you ,knew my mum knew something was wrong , it's tough isn't it
Hello Welcome to TP
We too had to stop celebrating special occasions.
My mum stopped being able to understand them, which confused her greatly.
So instead I gave mum something nice to eat, I have many fond memories of mum smacking her lips and saying mmmm. that is not to say I didn't give mum nice or special things to eat every day, she had some everyday, I just gave mum additional food treats on special occasions.
We knew it was her birthday, Christmas, or wedding anniversary and that had to be enough. Yes it made me sad that mum know longer knew , but better me being sad than having mum upset or confused.
I like you ,knew my mum knew something was wrong , it's tough isn't it
