Holidays - a good idea or not?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Jennyc, Sep 24, 2015.

  1. Jennyc

    Jennyc Registered User

    Oct 3, 2011
    72
    Kent
    I was just reading Scarlett's wonderful ode ... How life changes as a "carer".

    I'm trying to get everything sorted for a week's holiday I've (foolishly?) booked for husband and me in Corfu, we leave on Monday. Till now we've sometimes gone to Spain to stay with my sister when I feel in need of some sunshine, but sadly for me she is in the process of moving back entirely to England, not that it won't be lovely to have her here, even if a couple of hundred miles away. But she was there to share the sometimes difficult moments.

    This time I'll be on my own, and I'm just getting the second migraine of the day - rainbow lights flashing and another crunching headache. Hadn't realised quite how stressed I am. I do hope it will be fun and worth it, but can't stop worrying now the time is getting nearer, and I've answered the same few questions already at least twenty times today. Oh, for a holiday companion who can really share, rather than one I know will be thoroughly confused and totally dependent ... Though he is constantly saying that he would like to go on a holiday.

    Am I doing a very daft thing, I wonder?

    All good fun.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,901
    Female
    Scotland
    I think you keep going on holiday together up until the point where you know it is no longer feasible. When that happens you won't have to ask you'll just shudder at the thought of it! You probably need a good dose of Vitamin D after our rubbish summer so do your best to enjoy the sun, sea and food. Next year you can revisit the idea.

    Good luck.
     
  3. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    I still keep going on holiday even though things are tough, stressful and challenging. I get so stressed before i go, i do wonder why, but I do it because I'm still building memories with husband to last me through the sad days/years ahead. I will know when neither he or I benefit and then I will stop, I'm sure you will too. Hope you have a lovely time x
     
  4. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Please, please, please carry on doing as many things as you can together, if you can cope. After realising that I would need to put him on reins, which might result in us getting odd looks ;), I stopped taking John anywhere that wasn't absolutely familiar. Consequently, our last holiday was in 2005.

    I carried on with garden centres, coffee shops, supermarket shopping, visits to shopping malls etc, and dropped these, one by one, as each one presented problems. Eventually our social life consisted of medical visits, and that was it - everything else was impossible. And even a hospital visit could be fraught with difficulty.

    But, I'm so pleased that we managed to create some lovely memories together, for as long as we could, and I have derived so much pleasure from looking back on the photos of the good times. Only you know whether something is likely to be more trouble than it's worth. Enjoy whatever you do. :)
     
  5. elizabeth hc

    elizabeth hc Registered User

    Oct 31, 2012
    49
    We are going away in a month and I am stressed already. He keeps saying we must hide everything and Don,t tell anyone. I stupidly told a neighbour and he went ballistic. I do wonder if it is worth the stress but we are staying with family so hopefully it will be o.k
     
  6. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,743
    Female
    London
    Our last "proper" holiday together was in 2012. After that incontinence became a real problem and hotels were out of the question. We continue going on holiday together, but these days it's with Revitalise and Dementia Adventure where a) incontinence and dementia are catered for and b) there are always volunteers to hand to help keep an eye if you need an hour to yourself. Bespoke solutions with carers are also an option but can work out quite expensive.
     
  7. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    997
    Colchester
    Jennnyc

    I do hope your holiday goes really well. When you get back please let us know. Our last proper holiday was 7 years ago. I miss our lovely holidays so much. We had wonderful times,in lots of lovely countries. and many happy hours spent in Cornwall where my brother lives. Hope it goes well.xx
     
  8. Optomistic

    Optomistic Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    116
    Manchester
    I took my husband to Malta in June my youngest son came with us for support im so glad that he did. He organised the whole trip and helped us at the airport it made life easier. Im not keen on going with my husband alone now as he get stressed about being left on his own if i fall ill.
     
  9. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    JennyC, I do hope you enjoy your holiday and it's no too stressful. I stopped foreign holidays three years ago, but wish we'd had the chance for more. We're going to try a Purple Angel holiday in Torbay in November where carers are available if you need a break. Slightly concerned about that too but won't know till we try. xx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  10. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    My OH does keep saying about holidays but I think it would be bad for both of us as when we went two years ago he was very dependant and I had to do whatever he wanted as he would go off for walks so I had to go too. Arguments ensued too. Im going to NY in may with my daughter some of her friends and one of my friends. Her husband is coming to stop with my OH , think it will be fine ,for me How selfish does that sound, but ,I need a life for just a few days without dementia knocking.
     
  11. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    1Mindy

    Doesn't sound selfish to me at all. You go for it, you'll be refreshed when you come back and you will then both have benefitted. x
     
  12. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Definitely not selfish. I have had two foreign holidays with a friend this year whilst OH has been in respite. I don't feel guilty just see it as a coping mechanism. We are entitled to our own slice of life occasionally. xxx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  13. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    When John was in respite last June, when I had my knee op, I went for my first evening out, for about 3 years, on crutches, and felt both decadent and guilty. Absolutely ridiculous, because we are all only human. Every carer needs a break - or they'll break.
     
  14. Jennyc

    Jennyc Registered User

    Oct 3, 2011
    72
    Kent
    We are back. I am tired out. Not sure it was a good idea, and certainly won't do it again. Lovely to see the sun, and new people and places, but all under the cloud of husband's increased confusion, constant questions of where are we and when can we go home? Relieved to be back, sad at the thought of no more sunny holidays, oh well.
     
  15. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,223
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Welcome home, but sorry your holiday wasn't all you had hoped. Remember the sun, and the other good parts, and I hope you soon feel more rested.
     
  16. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,901
    Female
    Scotland
    Jenny I think you have to do it to find out when you have reached your limit. It looks like this is it. Husband feels safer at home and you need a break. Next time you have to plan around those competing needs.

    Good luck.
     
  17. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Does it really need to be no more sunny holidays ? My OH and I can't go abroad together now although he keep asking when we are going to. He is still at the denial stage but can still do things for himself. I went for three days to Majorca with my daughter this summer whilst a great number of friends called in to sort him and keep him company. I am off to NY in spring with daughter and a few of her friends and a friend of mine. My friend OH will be stopping with mine. Despite enjoying the break and know we will have a great time in N Y I . And he does go on a out me leaving him. So maybe you can sort something. Depending where your OH is at there is respite but that's not where my OH is at.
     
  18. Olivejean

    Olivejean Registered User

    Dec 30, 2014
    2
    Holidays..a good idea or not.



    I found your entry to be really helpful....same thoughts thank you.
     
  19. Olivejean

    Olivejean Registered User

    Dec 30, 2014
    2
    Holidays a good idea or not.

    We no longer go abroad as I found if difficult to get travel insurance. I was once quoted a high premium added to which I was also told I would have to stay with my husband each and every minute in order to qualify. Difficult for example if he went into the gents toilets. But we all know the insurance companies nowadays only really want to take on those who's likelihood of a claim is to be minimal..Dementia presents all kinds of situations.
    Back on the subject of travel though. We have many short breaks in the Uk which prove to be effective in that the time away is not too long. The experiences are enjoyed although forgotten quickly unless I raise the subject. I of course am in charge of everything concerning those breaks but then he never takes on any part of decision making. He is no longer able to process what is needed. So for now we enjoy. For how long remains to be seen. He has wandered but only briefly.
     
  20. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I'm always pleased if I can be of help. :) Having lived the Alzheimer's Life for so many years, I hope that some of my experiences might prove useful. Especially to those starting out on the Alzheimer's Path.
     

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