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Registered User
May 15, 2014
Thankyou all for your kind words. I thought looking after mum was frustrating, trying to get around this Web page is killing me more lol, oh well something to occupied the healthy part of my brain.

I have had one week of two on "holiday". I've put mum in respite care. And I'm sure the spite part is to get us back. Mum wants to come home, but she can't till next week. Meanwhile I'm really having a good relax. The first few days were the worst. I felt so guilty for putting mum in a home. But I'm over that now, though deep down I'm still kicking myself. (II have the bruses)
I had written up a 50 page list for things to be done around the house in case I got bored. I have done one job, couse it ment water was wetting the floor and I had to keep mopping the floor, I couldn't have that it took time away from watching TV or playing games on the puter.
I know my Mum better than anyone else, so why do I let the professionals push me around? Also why can't dementure, which ever it is, be the same in all people? But mum is different, just when I think mum is like her mum, (Grandma also had alzheimer's) mums brain goes and does something totally different, which throws me for a six, and i have to quickly collect myself and refocus. But getting back to the pro's, they TOLL me mum was going into a locked secure unit for one tome when mum was with Aunty she went for a walk to the gate, forgot where she was, didn't recognize where she was so kept on walking, an hour later they found her at the fire station. So on th is she was locked away. The pple in there are worse than her, she only has the nurses to talk to couse on one else can hold a conversation. There are no carpets on the floor couse the others are (they wet the floor) whatever that word is. Why didn't I stand up for her, why didn't I put her somewhere else? Why do I want the pro's not to get annoyed with me? I need a cup of toughen up. Why couldn't I say, no mum is going here and there is a bed for her!
ok enough of this self wondering the chooks need feeding and there is no mum to do it.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello messup

I think your mother is in a secure unit because she wanders and so is at risk. It's a difficult problem. My mother wandered too. She was also put with people who were in a worse condition than she was, just to keep her safe.

The same with my husband. He would decide he wanted to 'go home' and there was no stopping him.

It's painful for carers to know their relatives are 'locked away' but it would be even more painful if they wandered off and had an accident, caused an accident or got lost and were exposed to hypothermia.

It's sad there are no facilities for those in betweeners, those who are still able to communicate well , still continent, still mobile but relatively unsafe by themselves and at risk.


Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
Hang on in there Messup, you are half way through your break and it must feel very strange, especially the guilt, lots of people get that and you have to ignore it for your own good.
Your mum will survive her two weeks in respite even if she doesn't have a fab time, but if you don't get your break you risk not coping with things in the future - you need this time.
As to the professionals, I am not sure if you are cross that they persuaded your mum to go to this particular place or if you are getting problems with them in other ways. If it is because your mum is somewhere you don't think is ideal, I'm afraid there isn't always a lot of choice when it comes to respite, so perhaps forgive them for that. If they are putting pressure on you for other things I suggest you always take the line of "i'll think about it for a couple of days" rather than being bulldozed into things there and then.
Hope you have a good day today. x