1. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Hi
    A bit of advice would be appreciated, especially if you've been at this point (or even if not)....

    Dad in care since March. I am his only relative, really. My mum died in March and dad's brother passed away many years ago. I have no brothers or sisters. Dad's home is near where we live, which is over 120 miles away from anyone he knows. I visit him every other day, usually.

    BUT I am off on holiday for 11 days, starting Tuesday 25 July and I am sooooooooo worried about leaving him. He will have no visitors.


    Do you think he'll be alright?

    Any good ideas for while we're away ? (The phone means nothing to him, so I can't even phone)
    :confused: :eek: :(

    Jarnee
    XXXXXXXXX
     
  2. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    Is there a 'carer' social worker type person you could pay to go in and see him every other day? Take them with you a couple of times to introduce them so they become a friend/acquaintance and then prime them to promise your dad that you are just away on a short holiday and definitely be back - soon?

    Michael
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,584
    Kent
    Hi Jamee

    Could you get some picture postcards, write very short messages on them, in large print, eg. Dear dad, Having a lovely time. Hope you are well Love Jamee, and ask his care worker at the home to give him one each day. Even if he doesn`t read now, the cards can be read to him and he`ll have the pictures to look at.

    Hope this will help. Enjoy your holiday .
    Grannie G
     
  4. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Michael & Granny G, no, there are no carers...just myself & my husband. BUT I do get on very well with a couple of the staff, so I will do both things. Dad still reads so I will print off some photos of myself and write a note on the back. I will tell the staff what worries him about paying his bills and how I explain about his pension (That usually does the trick by about the 3rd time of telling ;) ) and ask them to tell him every day.

    GULP :eek:

    wILL STILL WORRY ALL HOLIDAY AND RUN UP AN ENORMOUS MOBILE PHONE BILL :(

    j
    xxxxxxx
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Don’t know if this of any help, but why not see it as if your having a respite,

    I know your not caring for your dad at home, but your still caring for him as in visiting him every day or when ever, working visiting still worrying about him emotional it must be draining, so having a week away will do you the world of good

    If my mother was in respite no one would be visiting mum for that week or two while I am away & I do not phone my mother any more when I go abroad. I did the first time. Then realized that switching of is good rest for the mind, yes of course you can not completely forget , but reality soon come back when you get back from holiday so enjoy the in-between time while your on holiday.

    You deceive it as you sound very caring to be worried over your dad.

    :)
    sound Good idea :)
     
  6. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    I'm worried too about when I go away for an eight day writing holiday in September, as my Mum is in a NH. When I had a cold and didn't visit for almost a week, Mum hadn't come to any harm amd wasn't any more tearful than usual.
    It would have been a mistake to go and pass on a cold to her(and everyone else).
    Once settled in a home, there are people to talk to and the routine is familiar, so it shouldn't be too disruptive, especially if the staff are told beforehand. I find sometimes that Mum is upset even if I've seen her more often than usual. I like the idea of the postcards and photos. I'm hoping that someone else might visit while I'm away.
    Kayla
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,584
    Kent
    Please try to enjoy your holiday Jarnee. You need some time to be You. You also need some quality time with your husband. I realize that sounds like a cliche, but it`s true.

    I don`t understand the type of Care your Dad is getting. If he`s `in care` surely he has one named carer, from the Staff, who has been nominated his personal carer. That`s what I meant.

    Anyway PLEASE try to have a GOOD TIME and return home well rested.

    With love Grannie G
     
  8. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    I do not know how the system works in the UK but could not your local AD branch help in finding a carer - visitor? I think you would have to pay them sort of minimum wage - not sure what that is but 7-8 quid a visit of 1/2 an hour with a quarter hour travelling on either side??

    My local AD branch is very helpful with these sort of things and I think it would be worth making contact and asking the question?

    Michael
     
  9. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    How about 'try to enjoy yourself????':)

    Jarnee, I finally got round to telling mum this morning that we (me, hubby, son) are going away for two short breaks over the school holidays..... got no holiday least year (hubby's cancer treatment).....told mum ..... 'it'll only be a few days'.... 'at worst we'll be away for a week' - .....justification, justification..... WE (as in 'without mum') need a holiday....

    Mum in my case is currently living independently with my help..... mum is going to have to learn that I am not 24/7/365 on call for her...... might sound awful but I have a Carer's Assessment coming up tomorrow and I am hoping that our imminent 'going away' will force mum to recognise that I cannot be forever 'on call' for her.....

    Jarnee, I can only begin to worry about placing mum in a care home... but at this time, this place... when I crave some space for myself and value my 'other roles',
    (as wife and mum) I wish I knew that mum was some place safer and more secure than leaving her in her own home..

    Yup, the mobile phone bill will go thru' the roof, yup, she'll have every disaster so far identified and a million times worse and yup, we'll no doubt get back and she''ll say 'Did you have a wonderful time, I hope you didn't worry about me?'......

    :rolleyes:
     

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