Holiday panic


Registered User
Aug 25, 2004
Hello all

I have put everything in place and am leaving my Mum tomorrow to go to Australia for 13 days. I have to go and I desperately need a break but I know she will be totally lost without me.

She had a horrible time at a memory clinic diagnosis afternoon this week. She was so stressed that she had bad incontinence which was a total humilation for her and very upsetting for me. She so lovely I feel so sorry for her.

She having an MRI soon as its thought she may have vascular dementia.

Can anyone reassure me it's OK to go abroad?!!


Dear Codie

Holiday panic. You said it, and that's exactly what it is? Panic, tinged, I suspect, with a little guilt. If you have everything in place for Mum whereby she will be supervised, all the practical and important things have been done. Australia or Abersoch - the distance is of no consequence, you need a break. If you're trying to find a worst case scenario I can't help - I believe it will all be standing just as you left it.

So, of course, it's OK for you to go away. Try not to worry too much, allow yourself a little of your own life, recharge your batteries, have a wonderful time and bring me back a koala.

Have a safe trip and hopefully you will be able to tell us all about it when you get back.

Buon viaggio


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Codie

I've been abroad a couple of times since Jan has been in her care home, plus I've been away a few times in this country.

Each time I feel awful about it, but I make it easier by setting up a support structure.

Generally, friends visit her. The home and friends have details of my mobile phone so they can text me with daily news. I leave details of the address where I will be/ or where I can be contacted from.

Each time I return, and Jan has been fine. And I'm in a better state to be able to look after her needs.

Do you have anyone who can keep an eye open for Mum, and keep you in touch, by phone or e-mail? It does help.

Have a great trip and please don't worry.


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
I haven't been away for a holiday alone,but I did go to London a few weeks ago,for the day.
I worried all day.
The older son stayed with Mom and on my return he said she had not missed me at all,in fact he thinks that she thought he was me!!!!
Go Codie,it will all be there when you return


Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Codie,

Go on holiday and enjoy yourself. Just remember to leave the guilt and worries behind you and don't drag them along as excess baggage.

OZ is only 22 hours away from the UK after all. Calls to England are pretty cheap, so you can phone home very regularly if you need to do so - and get home fast should there be an emergency.

I'm in Bali until 12 December and then am flying to Darwin and Cairns for Xmas and New Year, so that's one life support system in place. If you need some help, just yell. Where will you be?



Registered User
Nov 30, 2003
Hello Codie
We think my husband is in the middle stages of AD and in September I went to America for 2 weeks for some rest and recuperation. It took a lot of organising with CPN's visiting, family visiting, care workers calling and meals organised. When I got on the plane, I felt very guilty but then you have to think that you deserve a break and better to take it while they can be left than to find you are desperate for a break and it's too difficult to leave them. I came back having had a wonderful time, feeling really rested and it had helped to get my sleeping pattern back to normal. It does help you to cope for the next few months and you just have to accept that we feel guilt all the time with this illness. Then you need to plan your next break to give yourself something to look forward to. Have your break, enjoy it and then you'll look forward to seeing your loved one again.


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Codie, Of course it is alright to have a break. I have to put Lionel into care for my breaks,as I do not have a big enough support system for him to stay at home.

I spent all day yesterday at Essex County Hall in a meeting with councillors and social services and carers support. Meetin to discuss how well they had done last year and what their proposals were for the future. I KEPT THE DRUM ROLLING FOR RESPITE CARE IN THE HOME, TO ENABLE CARERS TO HAVE SOME TIME FOR THEM SELVES.

As I pointed out, we may be carers, and damm good ones at that, but first and formost we are human beings, individuals, with needs of our own.

Sorry, I've hijacked your thread, just go, enjoy and you will be a more able, capable being after your break. Have fun, Connie


Registered User
Aug 25, 2004
Thanks a million for all your thoughts.

I'm looking forward to going today and I'm back a week on wednesday so it's only a short trip for such a long way. I know I've put everything I can in place and will hopefully feel better for the break.