1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. LolaG1

    LolaG1 New member

    Jul 8, 2019
    7
    Hi everyone,

    I was wondering if I could have some advice? I’m 37 with a husband and almost 4 year old son. My Father is only 65 and he has mid stage Alzheimer’s, diagnosed last year. He lives with us. My mother in law has paid for us to have a 5 day break with her and my brother in laws family next month. My younger sister (19) has agreed to move in and look after my father while we are away. My MIL has asked if she can drive her car to our house and park on our drive for the week as her other son is going off on another holiday afterwards and she can’t leave her car at his. My Father has real trouble with paranoia, doors being locked, lights switched on/off etc I know a different car on the driveway will mean 5 days of him peering out of the window and I’m trying to make things as easy as possible for my sister. I know how lucky we are to be able to have someone take over for a few days. My problem is my other half thinks I’m being difficult when I suggested it might be a bit much for his mother to come to us first with the car. I really have tried to explain that any sort of change to Dad’s environment puts him out of sorts and a new car on the drive could cause my sister unnecessary stress. I also worry about returning from holiday as one never quite knows what one is returning to and to add an additional person to that equation is just more stress for me. I find it really hard to balance between everyone sometimes and I try very hard to keep my Father protected and reduce anything that may cause him stress as that is my main role as his carer. Should I just give up and accept that he will have to watch the driveway for 5 days? Thank you in advance for any help. I sometimes feel like I’m living in a very different reality from the rest of the world. X
     
  2. LittleWren

    LittleWren New member

    Aug 8, 2019
    7
    Female
    Hello, do you have a neighbour or a local friend with space on their drive who could offer it up to your MIL? I do sympathise with you - if you can avoid this potential stress for your dad and sister then I think you should. However, you should not let your worry about this overshadow your upcoming break - you deserve a nice rest. Maybe you could have your MIL write a simple letter to your dad (with a photo of her and the car attached) that he can reference while you are away?
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,125
    Kent
    I agree it might cause more trouble than its worth for your dad to have a strange car in his drive @LolaG1. I wouldn't want to risk it especially as you'll be away and it could be too much for 19year old to manage.
     
  4. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,061
    Toronto, Canada
    I think @LittleWren has made an excellent suggestion about asking a neighbour for a parking space for 5 days. But I wonder - where does your MIL normally park her car? Can she not leave it where she usually has it?
     
  5. LolaG1

    LolaG1 New member

    Jul 8, 2019
    7
    Thank you for the suggestion, I hadn’t thought of asking a neighbour :)
     
  6. LolaG1

    LolaG1 New member

    Jul 8, 2019
    7
    Thank you for replying. I’m trying to make it as easy on my sister as possible. That way she may offer again in the future! XD
     
  7. LolaG1

    LolaG1 New member

    Jul 8, 2019
    7
    Thank you for replying. She would normally park in the road for a couple of hours but leaving a car there for longer would be unwise as we have a hail and ride bus service running up and down, weaving in and out of parked cars! :)
     
  8. Starting on a journey

    Starting on a journey Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    17
    I agree, don't have the car parked on your drive.
    It may appear to be a little thing to others but it might make it a nightmare for your sister, and you will want her back to help.
    If his illness is anything like mother's it could lead to hours of angst and it's just not worth it
     
  9. LolaG1

    LolaG1 New member

    Jul 8, 2019
    7
    Yes sometimes it’s the smallest thing that starts him off and then he’s refusing to eat, saying he feels ill etc and it makes it all so much harder.
     
  10. Starting on a journey

    Starting on a journey Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    17
    Yes, we have had the water board digging up the roads for weeks and she has been very upset, despite being unable to hear them digging and as I am a fairly confident driver, it's no odds to me that they are there.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.