My mother has melanoma cancer and is receiving immuno therapy treatments. Yesterday I found out she lost 12lbs in 6 weeks.
Before it was just dementia and now a reality check has consumed me I will lose her to cancer before Dementia.
Like going against the current Im reluctant to transition her into hospice care. It’s another level of care I’m well aware it’s focused on keeping the patient comfortable.
I just don’t feel ready not yet. Maybe this is the neon sign of signs I’ve been waiting for She’s losing weight fast. I have emotional breakdowns where I feel an emptiness inside, helplessness.
I have gotten asked this question as obvious as it may seem. What is it I’m so afraid of? Why am I desperately trying to hold on if compassion is what it’s about help her transition.
I lost my mother a long time ago and she is a shell of her former self due to dementia. Those around me give me this look as if they want to say accept that she is dying accept it and plan for your starting of a new chapter. How can anyone prepare for the loss of a loved one.
How?
I’ve been her caretaker full time and all Ive known for the past 8 years is keeping her safe and cared for. The routine as difficult as it is and overwhelming beyond anyones imagination who doesn’t have the same experience has been the routine for so long. At some point I will say now what do I do?
Learn to crawl before I can walk with life’s demands and working life mixed up with the grieving process is just terrifying.
We learn to adapt we learn to move on eventually.
I think it’s the not seeing her face or the warm touch of her skin. Even though she doesn’t hug me back at times I can embrace her physically.
I’m afraid to think of her only in memory. The thought of I just sat right beside her yesterday, or I just tucked her in bed a few moments ago.
A memory that with time will get a little less clear with details.
I’m grateful God has blessed me with her for going on 83 years of life.
Before it was just dementia and now a reality check has consumed me I will lose her to cancer before Dementia.
Like going against the current Im reluctant to transition her into hospice care. It’s another level of care I’m well aware it’s focused on keeping the patient comfortable.
I just don’t feel ready not yet. Maybe this is the neon sign of signs I’ve been waiting for She’s losing weight fast. I have emotional breakdowns where I feel an emptiness inside, helplessness.
I have gotten asked this question as obvious as it may seem. What is it I’m so afraid of? Why am I desperately trying to hold on if compassion is what it’s about help her transition.
I lost my mother a long time ago and she is a shell of her former self due to dementia. Those around me give me this look as if they want to say accept that she is dying accept it and plan for your starting of a new chapter. How can anyone prepare for the loss of a loved one.
How?
I’ve been her caretaker full time and all Ive known for the past 8 years is keeping her safe and cared for. The routine as difficult as it is and overwhelming beyond anyones imagination who doesn’t have the same experience has been the routine for so long. At some point I will say now what do I do?
Learn to crawl before I can walk with life’s demands and working life mixed up with the grieving process is just terrifying.
We learn to adapt we learn to move on eventually.
I think it’s the not seeing her face or the warm touch of her skin. Even though she doesn’t hug me back at times I can embrace her physically.
I’m afraid to think of her only in memory. The thought of I just sat right beside her yesterday, or I just tucked her in bed a few moments ago.
A memory that with time will get a little less clear with details.
I’m grateful God has blessed me with her for going on 83 years of life.