1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,672
    Female
    As long as you have the receipts I doubt it will cause a problem MrsV.

    We eventually had sets of keys all over the place - two of her neighbours had keys (which they never gave her, they would just let her in and keep the keys), the care agency had a set, there was a set in the key safe and my mother had her own set. Lost keys are a common feature!

    Definitely get a key safe if you don't already have one. The council provided it free for my mother even though she was self funding.
     
  2. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    97
    Hi Sirena,
    We have a couple of receipts, but not all, as they offered to do it cheaper without a receipt (cash in hand).
     
  3. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,672
    Female
    Depends how much money is involved, it may not matter. But in future I would always get receipts unless it's for low cost run of the mill stuff like toiletries.
     
  4. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    618
    Hi Rosserk, just a thought, do you have mirrors in your mums room? I had all the same issues with my dad constantly hiding things because he thought people were coming in and taking them, then forgetting where he had hidden them, which convinced him even more of the thefts.

    I ask about the mirrors because my dad was convinced the man next door was coming in stealing his things and spying on him, which was making him very anxious and aggressive. It was by pure chance that one day when I arrived to see dad, he was rushing around very upset, talking about the man watching him, so I asked him to show me. He took me upstairs to his bathroom and pointed to the mirror which was in there and said there he is (with a few choice words). I discovered he no longer recognised himself as the old man he was in mirrors or in reflections in windows etc and it was this that was causing his anxieties. By removing or covering them up he improved greatly and the 'hiding' things calmed down a bit.
     
  5. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    618
    One other thought, regarding the purse and bags your mum keeps hiding. If she has more than one bag or purse, give her that instead of you having to look for the missing one whilst she is upset and so are you.

    I found with my dad, I bought 3 cheap identical wallets, when one went missing, I would pretend to go and look for it and then give him one of my spares, he never knew the difference. I would then go and look for the missing one at my leisure, which usually turned up in the most unexpected places. If you have different bags or purses you can swap, just tell your mum she changed it for this one and hopefully it convinces her.
     
  6. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    482
    Female
    High Peak
    Amazing to read this thread. My dear mama is also the victim of theft, constantly. On Monday (at the CH) I was greeted with 'Thank goodness you're here - all the money's gone!'

    The 'money' in question is all her father's things, all the property and everything in the 'other place' she lives with all the kids. The police are here all the time questioning everybody and R (my father, dead for 20+ years) has been convicted and he's blazing mad.

    The kids from the school also come in and help themselves, as do the carers. (Not that she ever sees anyone here - there's been no food all week.) People frequently come in at night to steal her underwear. Apparently they always comment on her floral knickers and have never seen ones like that. o_O

    Then there's handbag-gate. There are 2 bags on her bed, plus one tucked at her side in the chair. But these have all been stolen and emptied. All her cash has gone - she doesn't have a penny to her name. (Shocking, isn't it?) They've taken her comb and lipstick too. I examine the bags. One contains a million dirty tissues, 3 glasses cases, 1 pair of glasses (not hers I don't think but I don't mention that), a pen, a key ring and a broken... thing. (Bits of plastic - the remains of another glasses case I think.) Bag 2 contains a hairbrush, tissues, 4 nail files, biscuit wrappers and 2 more pens. Bag 3 contains a comb and her purse, stuffed with notes which I show her. Her reply? 'Well, it wasn't there before. They'll only come back and steal it again.'

    During the visit I had to re-show the cash several times more as she had forgotten. Again. Finally she said, 'Oh well. So did you have a nice Christmas?'

    For the record, the 'cash' in her purse is real.... but it is old big green pound notes and old ten shilling notes, purchased by me on eBay :D
     
  7. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    268
    That’s a brilliant idea! Yes there are mirrors in her room which I could try removing. Today she’s fixated on money!
     
  8. Champers

    Champers Registered User

    Jan 3, 2019
    142
    What is it with purses? Both my mother and MIL have purses galore in their handbags - all fiddly ones which are hardly ideal for arthriticy (?!) hands either! Most of them contain old receipts, odd coins, bus tickets etc. When they do have bank notes, there’s always confusion about which purse the money is actually in or “someone must have stolen it because I can’t find it.”

    When I had a bit of a sort out at my mothers home, I found so many wallets and purses in drawers and coat pockets that I’m afraid I checked they were empty and then binned them. However, mother still seems to have an unending further supply of the things!
     
  9. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    482
    Female
    High Peak
    When we cleared mum's house we found, among other things, 22 brand new purses.

    She had an equally impressive collection of chocolate bars, milk, batteries, torches and.... shower heads!
     
  10. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    618
    I can raise you 32 umbrellas, 85 disposable razors and 11 boxes of Thorntons chocolates and 9 selection boxes, when I cleared my dad's house out. lol. What are they like.
     
  11. Anne-marie 70

    Anne-marie 70 New member

    Sep 17, 2019
    2
    My mother constantly puts things away or hides them and then no one can find even herself...we have ordered about 10 credit/debit cards in the last year. It’s got so bad that now we have to put important things away ourselves...but she still fumbles about for hours on end in her room looking for things or accusing someone of stealing! So you are not alone...patients is the biggest virtue at this stage... we have organised a file draw for her where we put all the important stuff and we take it out and show her when she thinks she has lost them or been stolen, to put her mind at ease, but we never leave the draw with her or we would never find anything!
     
  12. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,296
    SW London
    Yes, it's utterly exhausting. And I'm afraid we never found the answer.
    My FiL would habitually hide things inside books, or between them or behind them on the shelves - and we have an awful lot of books.
    When his car had to be sold, my husband made the mistake of giving him the £50 the would-be purchaser had paid as a deposit.
    He later couldn't find it, and went nearly mad with rage and frustration. Not to mention me and dh, up till well past midnight checking all the usual book-places (where he'd always hidden his now defunct bank books - he was obsessed with those.).
    After goodness knows how long, we finally found the £50 in the pocket of his pyjama top - which he'd hidden under the mattress!

    My mother was constantly hiding the keys to her French windows - she had become obsessive about keeping those and all windows closed all the time, even in the height of summer in a heatwave.
    On the last occasion we never found them - and didn't even when finally clearing her house.
    I had the lock changed, and both I and my also regular-visiting brother kept the spare keys.

    Perhaps the oddest 'hiding' I ever found, was a dried up ham sandwich on a plate - in her knicker drawer!
     
  13. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,173
    So the carers are now finding meals on plates in random places- cupboards & drawers. So now they need to sit with her while she eats , easy answer just time sensitive!

    As for handbag gate....
    I raise you by packets of tea, (Mum only drinks hot chocolate, milk or water). Tinned fruit, & sprouting potatoes by the cupboard full!!!!
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,576
    Female
    South coast
    Ill raise you by boxes of tissues.
    I didnt count them (far too many), but I didnt need to buy her any boxes of tissues at all for the full 3 years that Mum was in her care home, despite her constantly having tissues up her sleeves, in all her pockets, tucked into waistbands or under bra straps and so many in her handbag thats its amazing it didnt burst..................
     
  15. Champers

    Champers Registered User

    Jan 3, 2019
    142
    How about tubs of spreadable butter? Until mother was diagnosed and still doing her own shopping, she couldn’t resist those end of aisle ‘bargains’ and without fail, there was usually a butter offer. I once had to bin 32 tubs - all out of date! She was most put out and said she needed them to bake cakes, which she clearly wasn’t doing otherwise she wouldn’t have still had them in the fridge. I was silently congratulating myself on a job well done when I thought I’d better check the freezer...and there was dozens in there too! :confused:
     
  16. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    674
    Washing up liquid! Dozens of bottles of the nastiest, harshest washing up liquid. But she wouldn't accept my online order of food - no need at all for food!
     
  17. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    435
    I once found the ingredients for a ginger pudding in the side table by my mothers bed. She also once gave me, rather randomly, a tin opener as a gift (I have several), with the words "I wanted to get you a really good one".
    In her early days at the care home, we went out to get some shopping, and I asked her if there was anything she wanted. I was thinking fruit, hankies, toiletries etc. Big mistake. Huge.
    She said, at the top of her voice in the middle of Waitrose, "I want a really sharp knife". I am sure the entire store heard her and her angry rebukes when I couldn't let her buy one.
    I know we shouldn't laugh, but this awful journey has given me a rather dark sense of humour......
     
  18. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    268

    If I didn’t laugh I would start crying and never stop!
     
  19. Champers

    Champers Registered User

    Jan 3, 2019
    142
    Mother refuses to have anything to do with her hearing aids and I’ve heard every excuse under the sun for why she doesn’t need them. Whenever they disappear, apparently her gardener has stolen them!

    During yet another of my regular searches for hidden correspondence, they came to light - well hidden in a drawer under her bed.
    “Oh mum. What are these doing here?”
    “I have no idea who they belong to, but you can have them if you want?”
    Not quite sure why I would want hearing aids specifically moulded and tuned to someone else’s requirements?! :rolleyes:
     
  20. Tea and. toast

    Tea and. toast Registered User

    May 8, 2019
    17
    Hi my PWD my Dad has been hiding food plus the remote controls to the TV and wallets.I too have found a plate of sandwiches with crisps in the dressing table drawer this week probably from Saturday, Some sandwiches were left on the ironing board when I came in from work the other day. Bananas and yoghurt (in pots with lids on thankfully) have been found under the chair and in a box. I also found 3 black bananas in a kitchen drawer that isn't used much.Plus a banana on top of the wardrobe and on the radiator. I thought a teaplate had been broken and thrown away before Christmas as couldn't find it. Found it complete with green mouldy sandwiches in foil in the cupboard with the dishes used for Boxing Day tea. Dad was relatively ok this time last year but has been on the decline since November.

    Carers come in at lunchtime to encourage Dad to eat however Dad takes his time to eat. So food can go awol. He also has a thing about toilet roll and takes off squares for his pocket ( he likes proper hankies usually) or puts a roll in his bedroom. Not sure about some post going missing. Two appointments to attend scans before Christmas never appeared.
     

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