Took my husband with me when I went to see mum today because my brother warned me she was not happy. Thought he would be the buffer required to keep her in order but not so. When I got there she announced "thank goodness you're here to take me home. I thought I would have to spend another night in this hole". Of course I had to say she couldn't go home and I told her she had a progressive disease which would get steadily worse and living alone was no longer an option. She is quite capable still of understanding this and I suspect she knows it to be true but this didn't stop her from launching into a tirade of abuse.
I had dumped her there for my own benefit. No one cares about her anymore. The place is a hell hole. She's frightened all the time. There's nobody to talk to. They boss her around. She's bored to tears with nothing to do.
She wouldn't look at the things I'd bought her. Doesn't want to watch TV. Wouldn't go for a drive to the beach. Doesn't want the paper delivered. Doesn't want the phone connected. Just wants to go home.
I asked her what was so great about home where she didn't see a soul for days. I pointed out she has more visitors now than she ever had and that all she did was sleep in her chair at home anyway and eat crummy food she had to make herself.
She wouldn't say why she was scared, I presume she means anxious. She was belligerent and resentful and downright hateful. She apologised to my husband for being like that but intimated it was all my fault. I sat there feeling ghastly and then I thought "stuff this" and asked her if she wanted us to leave. She said "please yourself" so I did. I said goodbye and left after a 20 minute visit. As I walked out the door my husband heard her say "****ing b****".
The thing is that I do see her point about being bored. They have put her in a section where the people are pretty far gone and she can't carry on a conversation with them. Not that she could hear them anyway but that's beside the point. A couple of the ladies have baby dolls to play with and this appals my mother. As we were leaving one said to my husband "can you kill me please?"
I will speak to the CH and see if she can be moved to a low care section where the people might be more sociable but communication will still be hampered by her deafness and refusal to wear her hearing aids. I spoke to my brother about trying to find somewhere else for her to go but he was adamant that she will hate wherever she goes.
Her situation may not be typical, I don't know. She is fairly articulate and lucid but asks the same questions continually and hallucinates at night. When I discuss these hallucinations with mum it is with the intention of explaining why it is important to have care at hand at night. But she just gets a furious look on her face and sulks.
I feel at this moment like walking away from the situation. If this is going to be the pattern of visits from now on why would I put myself through this? I expect the CH will not be interested in moving her to low care or will suggest she finds another facility as she is still technically there in respite while they assess her compatibility with their establishment. Even mum admits the food is fabulous and this has to be a big benefit surely. And on Friday she seemed perfectly happy to my daughter.
I am at my wit's end.
I had dumped her there for my own benefit. No one cares about her anymore. The place is a hell hole. She's frightened all the time. There's nobody to talk to. They boss her around. She's bored to tears with nothing to do.
She wouldn't look at the things I'd bought her. Doesn't want to watch TV. Wouldn't go for a drive to the beach. Doesn't want the paper delivered. Doesn't want the phone connected. Just wants to go home.
I asked her what was so great about home where she didn't see a soul for days. I pointed out she has more visitors now than she ever had and that all she did was sleep in her chair at home anyway and eat crummy food she had to make herself.
She wouldn't say why she was scared, I presume she means anxious. She was belligerent and resentful and downright hateful. She apologised to my husband for being like that but intimated it was all my fault. I sat there feeling ghastly and then I thought "stuff this" and asked her if she wanted us to leave. She said "please yourself" so I did. I said goodbye and left after a 20 minute visit. As I walked out the door my husband heard her say "****ing b****".
The thing is that I do see her point about being bored. They have put her in a section where the people are pretty far gone and she can't carry on a conversation with them. Not that she could hear them anyway but that's beside the point. A couple of the ladies have baby dolls to play with and this appals my mother. As we were leaving one said to my husband "can you kill me please?"
I will speak to the CH and see if she can be moved to a low care section where the people might be more sociable but communication will still be hampered by her deafness and refusal to wear her hearing aids. I spoke to my brother about trying to find somewhere else for her to go but he was adamant that she will hate wherever she goes.
Her situation may not be typical, I don't know. She is fairly articulate and lucid but asks the same questions continually and hallucinates at night. When I discuss these hallucinations with mum it is with the intention of explaining why it is important to have care at hand at night. But she just gets a furious look on her face and sulks.
I feel at this moment like walking away from the situation. If this is going to be the pattern of visits from now on why would I put myself through this? I expect the CH will not be interested in moving her to low care or will suggest she finds another facility as she is still technically there in respite while they assess her compatibility with their establishment. Even mum admits the food is fabulous and this has to be a big benefit surely. And on Friday she seemed perfectly happy to my daughter.
I am at my wit's end.
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