1. Prague09

    Prague09 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2008
    174
    essex
    Hi I am new to this part of the talking point. Dad passed away on june 12th, everything to every one else I seem to have returned to normal. I am back out work, been out to join in social occassions...BUT... I still cant come to terms with his ending, and wonder if he knew the pain that must have racked his body.
    To re-cap he was in hopsital for a month S/W and health staff felt due to his poor mobilty & the progression of his dementia he would be better of in care home. he was there 10 days..fell against a radiator and broke his jaw...had surgery...returned to home...followed by a further two admissions before they realized that he had internal bleeding which lead to his passing. I can still still his frail, thin body in that hospital bed, no reaction from him for 7 days before he went. I held his hand most of the time and still wish I could feel his hand in mine just one more time.
    Prague 09
     
  2. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Oh dear, dear Prague,

    Your experience has reduced me to tears at the sadness of what you have had to experience and what you are still experiencing. I am truly sorry and hope that you will accept my sincere condolences. Although the world feels you are back to normal, you know that Talking Point is here for you for just as long as you need and it is a place where you don't need to appear back to 'normal'.

    Love
     
  3. julieann15

    julieann15 Registered User

    Jun 13, 2008
    2,012
    Leicestershire
    Dear Prague
    Just wanted to send you my love and best wishes- I am currently dealing with a sudden and tragic loss of a friend and feel so numb. And yes it does feel strange posting in this area?

    Love Julie xx
     
  4. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Dear Prague09, I'm really sorry to hear about your father's decline. June is still so recent. I wouldn't have expected anyone to be 'at ease' about their father's passing so soon, especially given the circumstances.

    What a difficult time you have gone through. I very much identify with that wish to hold your parent's hand one more time. I think that every day about mine, and my mum passed away in April. Even though you say there was no reaction from him, I would wager that your presence must have been a big comfort to your father.

    As to what your father may have felt physically, I can only suggest, if you can face it, that you could ask the organisation responsible for your father's care at the end to go through their care records with you. If that is a route you take, do ensure that you take family or friend with you to give you emotional support.

    My sympathy and kind regards

    Deborah
     
  5. jackie place

    jackie place Registered User

    Aug 4, 2009
    93
    eccles manchester
    Dear Prague,

    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad I am truly sorry and hope that you will accept my sincere condolences It must have been a terribly sock to you. I just wanted to send my love to you I amnew to this TP as welel Gooid Luck Love Jackie x x x
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,779
    Female
    Dundee
    Just want to add my own sympathy and condolences. Izzy x
     
  7. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    Dear Prague,

    It's so nice to hear from you although I wish the circumstances were better. I must remember that this is the place I also now need to post to. It is very painful isn't it.

    It will be a long time yet before you can come to terms with his last days. They say time is a great healer but I've never yet met anyone bereaved who subscribes to this theory. Everyone I know, myself included, agrees that time merely helps you to adjust. You never forget.

    Having just lost my mum, who died holding our hands, unconscious for days, I can only sympathise with you so much. I held her hands when I went to see her in the chapel of rest and they were so very very cold. She always hated the cold.

    I wish I had something cheery to say to you, something hopeful, but all I can offer is loads of (((hugs))) and hope that you get some comfort from posting here. We have missed you.

    Vonny xxx
     
  8. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    Dear Prague, so sorry to hear about your loss. As Vonny says, you don't forget, but you do learn to live with it in time. Take care and be kind to yourself xx
     
  9. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    HI Prague, Vonny et al.

    It is a wrench when you move to this part of the forum. It sort of hits you yet again.

    You have my sympathies to lose your parents in the way that they both finally passed this life. I rememebr those last few days sitting, Mum at peace, but I was lucky (if you can use that word) in that there were no traumas attached. dementia just eventually rendered her eventually unable to remember to chew, to eat, to breathe.

    Even with the blessing I remember yearning to feed her one last meal again, one cup of tea, to sit by her bed and hold her hand...to have that last link to the woman that gave me life. Vonny you are right, time lets you adjust to living again, but the pang of grief can just well up at times, briefly but suddenly painful years down the line. You never cease to miss them but you are able once again to celebrate what you have and to understand that they want you to go on, and that life does go on, even though there are times when you will be screaming inside "stop the ride, I want to get off!"

    ((((Hugs))))

    Love

    Mameeskye
     
  10. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    Just wanted to offer some empathy. I think the outside world almost expects you to return to normal after the funeral, when in fact everything has changed, everything is up in the air and it takes ages for the readjustment to happen. That's what is "normal". I don't think you ever get over a big loss, but you do learn to live with it and you will enjoy things again. Take care. xx
     
  11. JPG1

    JPG1 Account Closed

    Jul 16, 2008
    3,396
    Only way is up!

    Yes, it does take ages.

    But where you end up at the end of that "ages" term, is where you end up. You have no way of knowing whether the sun will be shining to await your arrival, or whether hurdles will have been placed in your path, or whether you will skate - gently - twixt there and then towards now. (But the gently-skating is the least likely scenario.)

    And until you've had to walk the walk from then to ... wherever you arrive after that 'difficult' age in between, then nobody else can know what it feels like.

    But to sum it up in one word, ... HELL. And I am beginning to realise and to understand that the after-dementia Hell is worse than the during-dementia Hell. It may be different for each and every one of us, as was our own experience of the hell of dementia, but I know how you may feel Prague09, or how you may not feel. Who knows? I don't.

    So expect hell, then work your way from hell upwards, and there's only one way out of hell, and that is up!

    Good wishes to you, Prague09, and to anyone else who posts in this particular place.

    .
     
  12. JJWB

    JJWB Registered User

    Aug 10, 2009
    14
    Dear Prague
    I am weeping for you today, I am so sorry for your Dad. It is just not right. I lost Mum in August and feel so bad about how the hospital acted in the end. Yesterday I found a camera in Mums room and had the film developed. Only a few prints came out but there were some of my son aged about 8. He is now 20. I am crying for the loss of my mum as she was and also, I think, for the loss of my son's childhood! Why did time have to move on? One minute everything is fine the next people are changing and leaving.
    I don't know what to say regarding your Dad's treatment but do whatever you have to do to try and make some sense out of it all for your peace of mind.
    My thoughts are with you xxxx
     

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