Hi there everyone

ellie 123

Registered User
May 25, 2006
Thought I'd say 'hello' and give a quick update.

Just been reading some of the latest threads and nothing changes, same old, same old. Quite depressing really, so many people going through what I've been through as newbies. Anyway.....

To recap - got mum home (my home) almost a year ago now. She came by ambulance and unconcious. Now she's put on weight up and about and driving us all insane. But that's not bad going for someone that should have died 12 months ago (according to NHS). In fact, she recently celebrated her 91st birthday and wasn't at all impressed!

Haven't been around as it has taken over my life and no time or energy to do anything else. Don't know how some of you manage to regularly do blogs and threads, respect.

Anyway, we're at a plateau at the moment, most of the time things are quiet and then when we all think I can do this, she ups and attacks us (both physically and verbally).

Some of you may recall I was in great difficulties all round and once having succeeded in getting mum home could then get no more help. No doctor, SS, care manager, nurse - you name it, I tried it - would touch us. All because I'd brought her 200miles down the motorway. This is still a problem by the way - both Notts and Kent refuse to accept responsibility. In brief - this made me terribly ill and in the end I had to have emergency respite after mum gave me a particularly bad beating. However, nothing, NOTHING happened until I brought my local MP into the situ, then they all beat their way to my door and some of them not very happy for involving the MP.

Unfortunately mum continued to suffer neglect and abuse(in respite home) as witnessed by Xrds sitter who had volunteered to continue visiting mum. Natch, the home denied everything and had the cheek to tell me they would have to seriously consider having mum back before I could tell them we wouldn't be coming back thank you very much.

Mum's recovery is in part due to the fact that I no longer allow anyone to 'cosh' her with drugs. This does cause problems with GPs, care workers, etc. But it only makes their life easy not mum's.

Mum goes to daycare one day a week. She doesn't particularly want to go and they don't particularly want her there, but it does her good and she comes home almost 'normal' for interacting with others. At least it gives me the opportunity to give her room a good clean. But sometimes I wonder if the stress is worth it as the daycare staff always have a complaint about her. For example, she's difficult, she shouts, she can't remember things, she wets herself, she wanders, she wants to go home. Shocking isn't it,you'd think she had some sort of dementia and that they were not advertised as dementia specialists. I can't understand it really!

Care Agency continue to defraud, send inexperienced, untrained staff in - best was last week - young girl, 1st visit to mum, sent in on her own, suddenly came running out of mum's room and cried, Ooooooh, I'm so scared your mum just said she's going to shoot me'. I replied, 'not met my mum before, have you, not experienced dementia patients before, have you, don't think you should come back again, do you?' Haven't seen her since, but did ring agency office to confirm that mum hasn't actually got a gun, so she won;t be shooting anyone soon.

Sorry for the irreverance (or however its spelt) but I'm bordering on crazy myself these days, what with all the battles for rights and conversations with mum and that man in the corner (who's not there, just in case you've lost the thread of my rambling!). I wouldn't mind if he were young, rich and good-looking - but she never seems to be able tell me that bit!!!

Like I said same old, same old. I don't know how long I can do this 24/7 but one thing's for sure, I'll die doing it before I put her into the hands of some of the animals out there.

Don;t know when I'll be back but love to all - Sylvia, Connie,Margaret,Joanne and everyone else who regularly supported and advised me (and who unselfishly continue to do so to all newbies). Have not fogotten you all.



Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
Dear Ellie

Just been reading some of the latest threads and nothing changes, same old, same old. Quite depressing really, so many people going through what I've been through as newbies. Anyway.....

So why are you posting ???
If we are so depressing.
Just a question ?

Barb & Ron , same old, same old, depressing people.
Sorry to everyone else, just had to say it.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Ellie

It`s good to hear from you.

Thank you for the update, although it sounds as if the struggle continues.

It is upsetting to see the number of new members on TP but if we believe what we read it`s the state of things to come, and we all know it won`t go away .

Sorry you`ve had so many bad experiences.

Love xx

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
Hi Ellie

Nice to hear from you. I know this will sound impossible but don't give up on finding a carer who can deal with your mother. Also, never say never about care homes or nursing homes. You don't know what you'll find.

I speak from experience, my mother was extremely violent, punching a 7 month pregnant woman in the abdomen HARD, knocking down other residents & stomping & kicking them, punching & scratching people, hitting one poor old man in the head with his own cane, and - my personal favourite - kicking a cop in the testicles. I don't even consider the verbal stuff worth bothering with. So I know what a difficult person can do.

Now she's put on weight up and about and driving us all insane.
I must say, I am impressed with your mother. She is leading you a merry dance. I bet she's afraid and thinks the best defense is a good offense.

Is your mother on any medications at all? My mother is on a few. She did become overmedicated at one point & I had get in there & push & get her meds changed but now she seems content, smiles & laughs a lot.

Meds have their place, we simply have to monitor them.

Good luck and I hope you can get some rest.


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Hi Ellie, thank you for the update on your dear mum.

I quite understand the position you find yourself in, falling between two LA (Kent and Notts). Whilst our distance was not as great Essex/Suffolk I had to battle before being accepted on the books, so to speak.

Don't give up on finding the right carer and/or care home.

They are out there, and well worth their weight in gold when you stumble across the right one.

You are doing a fantastic job, try to stay strong, and look after yourself too. Love n'hugs.


Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
East Midlands
Hello Ellie....

You have a lot on your plate with your mum....hats off to you for your continuing battle....I feel for you as it shouldn't be so hard.

From experience with another family member (with other problems than dementia).. it's always worth involving MP's when all else fails.

I've been around for about a year now...and used to think of myself as a "newbie"..the last few weeks have been a testing time for me personally...and I'm only just raising my head above the water again....

Sad to say....I no longer feel like a "newbie"...

Anyway...welcome back, Ellie....I hope you'll find some time between caring to join us more frequently. And that you manage to find the help that you and your mother deserve.

Love gigi xx


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Like I said same old, same old. I don't know how long I can do this 24/7 but one thing's for sure, I'll die doing it before I put her into the hands of some of the animals out there.

I know what you mean. I use to feel if I can't get anyone from agency that can understand work around my mother symptoms of dementia with my mother, how the hell it is going to work out in a care home. Then Lucky someone did come alone, but can only do an hour, somehow fit mum into her full work shift, also a really understanding carer in the evening that does a 72 hour week shift , but still has an amazing positive attitude towards my mother .

Sound like you’re doing a really great job in caring for your mother. My mother behaviours where very challenging in her few years of having dementia , over the year the dementia symptoms has made mum more fail not so aggressive physically so became more manageable at day centre , services are quite good in my area in understand handling my mother challenging behaviour without medicating her , that another reason for not putting mum in care home full time , as I know how challenging my mother is and how easy option of controlling people with dementia in care home is to medicate them . Thing are changing, I hope.

Wishing you all the best , thanks for sharing your update.