1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    60
    Hi, I have been reading for some time on and off but have never posted! I was wondering if any one has difficulty dealing with their feelings when around their loved ones? Stupid question i guess. Dad has AD, although we have known for several years he only got a diagnosis a year ago. People keep telling me that i am very young to be caring (i am 38) Dad lives alone and won't come and live with me. Recently i am finding myself so short tempered with him. My worries are that this is only when we are around people that haven't known him for along time, i get angry that people only see him like he is ie when he is talking about needing a wee etc i feel so angry that they don't know that he is an inteligent man who could do anything. I don't feel ashamed i just want people to know what he was like. Am i wrong for feeling like this?

    Any advice would be really appreciated as i don't talk to anyone except my long suffering partner (who doesn't know Dad before the onset)

    Sally
     
  2. patriciacolliso

    patriciacolliso Registered User

    Nov 23, 2005
    20
    london
    Sallyb

    I know what you mean.you want people to know what he was like before his illness started. but does it really matter now?you know what he was like and you have your memories. you love him and thats all that matters.I dont want to be rude but NO you are not young to be a carer. people young and old are all carers.you always care if its your family.take no notice of people who tell you otherwise. they dont have family with AD. take care.
     
  3. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    308
    Huddersfield
    New to this

    Hello Sally

    First of all welcome to TP. I am sure you will find help and understanding on this forum.

    I do lose my temper, we all do, you wouldn't be human if you didn't.
    I can understand your feelings when you are amongst other people who haven't dealt with AD. Although my feelings seem to go the other way to yours, and when we are in that sort of situation I become more protective of Margaret and tend to feel contemptuous of their lack of understanding.
    I have found that if you can tell people at the earliest opportunity about the AD things tend to be better.

    This is a good place to get things off your chest and is almost as good as talking face to face with others in the same situation.

    Have you joined your local branch of the Alzheimer's Society? If not I would urge you to do so. They propably run both Support Groups for carers and Groups for sufferers of AD who are in the early stages. Both are well worth going to, the Support Group I have found particularly helpful because like TP you are amongst people having the same problems, doubts and fears that you are. Everyone shares their problems and solutions, and just the fact that you can bring things out into the open knowing that everyone listening understands is a big help in it's self.

    Ignore those who tell you that you are too young to be a carer, age has nothing to do with caring, if your loved ones are in trouble you help.

    Keep your chin up and keep on posting.

    Cheers Barraf
     
  4. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #4 Lynne, Jan 13, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2006
    Hello & welcome Sally, and thanks for telling us a little bit about your Dad.

    I know what you mean about feeling that other people don't understand that it's now AD making your Dad behave differently to how he once did. You can't really blame them, AD and the way it changes people is definitely one of those "you have to be there" things. Also I find that I take their reactions to heart more if I'm feeling defensive, so really that's a "me" thing. At a recent family gathering, I found that if I relaxed a bit, people were really not treating Mum hugely differently to how anyone treats an 86 year old great-grandmother!

    Just one more thing: although your Dad may no longer be able to express it himself, he has a daughter to be proud of.
     
  5. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    Hi Sally

    I would just like to tell you that I have found the people we have got to know recently have no problem with my husband, it is our long standing "friends" that have! ;)

    Linda x
     
  6. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Linda Mc
    I find that any new friends that we have gained,and there has been a few,accept my Peg as she is because they have not known her any differently.
    Old friends have mainly vanished because they cannot handle this new person ,different to the Peg that they knew
    One actually said she didn't know what to talk about and the situation caused her embarrassment
    If only they treated her as they did before AD,they would most likely cope,but they run awayand take the ostrich way.
    My theory
    Norman
     
  7. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    New to this!

    Hello Sally:

    I agree with Barraf - try to join local Alz Group - we have found tremendous friends within it - mostly suffering with the same problems. No one there is worried about what my husband is like - he has the opportunity of trying to explain his past (and it doesn't matter if he forgets some of it or exaggerates bits of his life!). They really are excellent - we go to about 4 different groups each month (bar snacks, coffee bars and just get togethers). It also gives you a chance to meet people who you can discuss your feelings with - rather like this.

    Go for it. (caring is a very special job).

    Best wishes BeckyJan
     
  8. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    60
    Thanks everyone,

    I will look into the support group however one of the people that told me i am young was the person that runs the local group! Telling me that i would be the youngest there, although i guess no matter what the age we all have the same sort of problems?

    Thanks again, it is nice to know there are other people that understand.

    Sally
     
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #9 Lynne, Jan 14, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2006
    Sally, perhaps the person who commented on how young you are to be doing what you are doing meant it as a sympathetic remark, and I'm sure they didn't mean it to be unwelcoming in the context of your local AD group.

    When you're stressed out (as we nearly all are on this forum) it can cause you to be over-sensitive, and read meanings into what people say that weren't intended to be there.

    Best wishes
     

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