Hi, new to this forum

helen987

Registered User
Sep 1, 2006
1
Portsmouth
Hello everyone,
I'm new to this site and only registered as a user recently. I have read a load of postings and wish I had subscribed a long time ago when things were tough.

I am an only child and mum first started seeming 'odd' when I was 25 and planning my wedding. She worried excessively about her outfit and some said it was 'mother of the bride' nerves, but it seemed out of character. Then she forgot how to make pastry, never finished a sentence, constantly checked for her keys, really silly things that then seemed trivial but odd. For years she was diagnosed as having anxiety or being depressed and was treated accordingly. I noticed more alarming changes as years went on but Dad wouldn’t hear of it. Mum by now was beyond the point where I could talk to her about it. So I took her to the Dr - Dad was furious. The Dr asked her to explain the meaning of a proverb. She couldn’t. Funny how its the oddest thing that tips the balance. Anyway, Dr sent her for tests, she was diagnosed as having Alzheimers. Dad decided not to tell her, by this time the Dr said she wouldn’t know what the disease was, or would not remember being told the day after. I never agreed with this, I would want to know if it was me.......

Dad cared for her for 5 years. Painful. I remember they came for tea once with my 2 children at the table and she picked up her glass of orange juice and poured it like gravy over her roast dinner. I cried and cried more than ever before that day as it was awful.... my children were growing up, and she was passing them going backwards.

Mum went into our local hospital in 2002, 3 weeks after my husband left us. Skipping over the next 2 years, as they are not good times, Mum died in 2004.

I am so sorry I never knew what support was out there. It all seems so long ago, yet so raw still. Does that sound silly? I didn’t have a good relationship with her due to all kinds of teenage shenanigans, but I loved her with all my heart. I never told her that tho. I suffer with awful guilt that when she needed me most, I was not there because I had to deal with my children's pain at the break up of our family. I cannot believe that I was almost glad she died when she did, but I was watching my Dad slowly die inside with the pain of visiting and caring for her.

I registered with this forum because when I was reading your posts I wished to God I had known you were all out there when I needed support. I don’t have any answers but Dad and I are coming out the other side of a hellish period, and I hope that anyone reading this will take comfort in knowing that the bad times do end.

Life deals hideous cards sometimes but families are the strongest force against them.
:)
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Hi Helen 987
welcome to TP.
Sorry to hear about you sad times,you will find some comfort on here I am sure.
Look after Dad now he needs you help and support.
We are here for you, post whenever you feel the need
Norman
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
I am full of admiration for your very brave post. You have had some sad difficult times. I hope you are now coming to terms with everything and feel at peace with yourself - as you should Best wishes Beckyjan
 

bebee.

Registered User
Mar 24, 2006
12
oxon,south.
good luck.

hope u & dad can find happiness. forget the guilty feelings ! u did your best in difficult times. best wishes.
 

Cate

Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
1,370
Newport, Gwent
Hi Helen

We are all, some way or another, and at some point having to deal with the guilt monsters. You did all you could, when you could, so put it behind you. Take comfort that you, and your dad are coming out the other side, time is a great healer.

Wishing you every happiness for a brighter future. Keep in touch.
Cate
 

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
Hi Helen

As you say, its a pity you didn't find this site when you needed it most..........but i'm sure your experience will help many others in the future who are still on that dreadful journey.

I admire your strength and i'm pleased you've came out the otherside.

Love Alex x
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
65
West Sussex
Hello Helen

I am sure your Mum knew you loved her, and I was relieved for my Grandad when he died of AD years ago now. I could never have wished him to continue living when he was so desperately unhappy for much of the time.

You had to put your children first when they needed you and if your Mum had been able to, she would have told you to do exactly that.

I am sorry you were felt so isolated at the time of her illness, TP is a lifeline for many of us on here.

Look after your Dad and yourself,

Kathleen
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Cate said:
Hi Helen

We are all, some way or another, and at some point having to deal with the guilt monsters. You did all you could, when you could, so put it behind you. Take comfort that you, and your dad are coming out the other side, time is a great healer.

Wishing you every happiness for a brighter future. Keep in touch.
Cate
Beautifully said, Cate. I echo every word. Nell
 

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