Dear
@darthdodge
Welcome to this forum. You are on an upward slope learning about Dementia, wish I could say it was easy but it is not. Use this forum for information, advice, help, etc.
Okay your dad has just been diagnosed. There are many steps to consider like Lasting Powers of Attorney, wills, etc. Right now let’s put that to one side, time enough in the near to medium future, coming weeks/months in plain English. Concentrate on the following points right now. The diagnosis has only just been given.
1) Check yourself mentally. You may have expected such a diagnosis, but expecting and getting are two different things. What do you know about Dementia, of which Alzheimers is one specific type? What I am about to say is not meant in a nasty way, but some of your comments suggest your knowledge is at this point limited. Snap we all start there. Please read on with an open mind, try and put normal world logic on hold as you do so. Believe me doing so at this moment will help you. It will do so a lot in the future as matters develop.
2) Please stop trying to convince your dad the tests were done correctly. Dementia does not do logic very well. As your dad’s condition worsens you will most likely find he always believes that he is fine, nothing wrong with me attitude. Most carers are faced with this attitude and you need to work around it. It might be a defence mechanism, against a grim reality. How would you react if you had been given such a diagnosis. Additionally, I do not know where your dad is at with his Dementia, as you believe there has been a problem for some time. He may well have the added condition of Anosognosia. Please do a goggle search. A few years ago another member of this forum introduced this idea to me, a light bulb moment. My mum was not in denial, she just could not comprehend what was happening to her. Denial or Anosognosia, the point is you are seeking your dad to accept something he most likely never will, his diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. Just part of the Dementia journey, which crucially involves the PWD and their support family. This is not all about your dad, but crucially how well those around him also adjust their ideas and beliefs about what should and should not happen. My number one tip would be try and be flexible, patient, accept things as your dad sees them if it will not cause him harm.
3) So on that front ask yourself why try and convince your dad? You have the diagnosis, if your dad never heard the word Alzheimer’s again would that be so bad, compared to constantly annoying him trying to get him to accept reality. You, your family, his support group need to remember the diagnosis, your dad is questionable. White lies, love lies, distraction, etc, will be things you will no doubt have to accept using in future as you try and help your dad. It is hard. If the diagnosis was cancer then everyone gets on page and pulls on the rope including the person with cancer. Dementia is a different ball park.
4) That may sound crazy but if you try and get your Person With Dementia (PWD) to agree with you then hell may freeze quicker. Try and let go of preconceived ideas. The diagnosis is believe me upsetting for you. Take some time to adjust to this new reality yourself. Fundamentally in this moment your dad is the same as yesterday. A diagnosis is a help to you and your family, the GP, etc, some medication should now be possible. Trying to get your dad to buy into it I suggest is questionable if it only upsets him. Remember your dad just had the equal of a number 11 bus drive through his life. He may accept the diagnosis and that the tests were valid a little further down the road, or he may never do so. In the end trying to force him to accept it is for the birds and I would argue just puts strain on your relationship for little good.
Like I said my comments are meant to be helpful and supportive, in no way judgemental. One last piece of advice. Stay on this forum as time passes The people here have seen most things, not read about it in a book but actually lived it. It has helped me deal with my mum’s Dementia, more importantly given me an insight into how to take care of myself as her primary carer. The emotional costs of caring for a loved one who has Dementia are invariably high and accumulate. Make sure you take care of yourself not just your dad. It was once said that wisdom cannot be given it has to be gathered. Well you can gather a lot of wisdom here even if you only read the threads and do not post. Hope my comments have been some use to you. Good luck in the future and hope you post again.