1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hello Jessica, and welcome back
    I'm so sorry to hear and feel your heartache, you are doing everything you can but the one thing none of us can do until someone finds a cure or a preventative for AD is actually make them better. Some meds can slow down the decline, but as you have said, they don't suit everyone.

    Jessica, you said you are feeling as if you are getting no help at the moment, but look again at these sentences - "The Dr. asked if we needed home help but as she isn't at that stage yet we said no, my mam was sitting smiling at the doctor saying that she felt well etc. ... He said at the minute there is nothing else they can do for her and so discharged her, and told me to call when i needed."
    Don't think that just because you have said no thanks to home help (or whatever) at the moment, it's not still there when you need it. When the Doctor said there's nothing else they can do for her, he didn't mean ever. Your Mum will (should) probably go for regular assessment visits, and as things change so will the services which may be available for her (and you). It might be a good idea to keep a regular diary of how your mum is, so that when you do return to the doctor periodically, you have a record of what may have changed (eyesight, reading ability, hearing etc.) since your last visit. Also, make notes of what is said to you at visits to the doctor/memory clinic etc. It's so easy to get distracted (for instance, by a struggle getting into the car) just after the appointment, and forget some of it, especially if you are feeling emotionally upset.

    Perhaps it would be a good idea to accept home help now, before the need for it is really desperate, as this would get your Mum used to a non-family member coming & going at her home. This is something which AD-patients often seem to resist at later stages, which traps the carer into a situation where no-one else can relieve them for a break.

    I don't know how I can help you deal with your emotional turmoil, except to say that you must learn to deal with it somehow, otherwise you will become so ill yourself you may be unable to contribute to your Mum's care. I think you have to get past the feeling which we all have, of believing that you can beat this thing if you only love her fiercely enough. It's not true. I wish it were, but it's not. You can't lock her away in your heart to keep her safe. Your brothers and sisters may seem to handle it better than you do, but I bet they are shedding bitter tears in private as well. Perhaps it would be better if you actually wept on each others shoulders, and shared & discussed your fears and your grief. Sharing can be a relief, as this board shows again & again.

    Best wishes Jessica, keep posting here, it does help
     

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