1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Suky

    Suky Registered User

    Jul 15, 2015
    7
    Rochester
    I have been reading posts for a few days and have found it very reassuring that other people have similar feelings and problems as I do.
    I'll give a bit of background. My Husband is 75 (16 years older than me) and has been suffering memory loss and confusion for a few years but has become much worse in last 9 months. He has been referred to a memory clinic and we are waiting for an appointment for a brain scan so diagnosis is not confirmed, but specialist thinks he may have Vascular or mixed dementia.
    I have recently given up work (retirement!), and we were to have more time to enjoy life, but his memory problems have stopped that and I am fast becoming his carer.
    I have found it very useful to read about how other people cope and now find it much easier to cope with the endless repeating of questions and false memories.
    I have a wonderful daughter who is so supportive, and a beautiful baby Granddaughter who is wonderful therapy (lots of hugs).
    I am so glad I found TP, and look forward to sharing with other carers. :)
     
  2. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Welcome to TP Suky, my husband is also 75, he will be 76 next Tuesday, I am 17yrs younger, but still have to work, but part time. He has Parkinson's but it is bordering on dementia, I find this whole site very interesting and supportive.
     
  3. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,334
    leicester
    Welcome to TP, I hope we can continue to help as new problems rear their heads for you.
     
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Welcome along, Suky. Glad you started out on a better footing than I did! You'll find loads of people here who know an awful lot about what it takes to be a carer. Don't ever be afraid to ask advice on anything you need answers for.

    All the best xxx
     
  5. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Hi Suky, welcome you've definitely come to the right place, loads of support and comradeship here. My husband is 83 with VasC Dem, I am 18 years younger, still managing to work full time from home with help of day care and shared lives carers. Keep posting.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,247
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm another of the band of 'younger' wives! I'm 64 and at almost 85 my husband is 21 years older than me. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 14 years ago. I retired from my full time job 2.5 years ago. His dementia is now quite advanced but we still enjoy our lives (well I have to hope he enjoys his as he can't tell me). We have had to adapt and change as the dementia has progressed and our life is much different to what I hoped it would be at this age. I tend to try to seize the day and do things while he well and up for it. When he's not so good we adapt.

    I'm glad you found TP. You will get lots of help and support here.
     
  7. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,921
    Suffolk
    I'm another one, Suky. 66 to OHs 82. He has just gone into a care home, which was a bit of a shock, different problems, I may say.
    You will find all types of info here and no one will be shocked at anything you write.
    Welcome!
     
  8. Suky

    Suky Registered User

    Jul 15, 2015
    7
    Rochester
    Thank you for your replies. It is good to know there are other "younger" wives out there. We did manage a holiday in June, but since then hubby has been fatigued all the time and sleeps a lot. Although this takes some pressure off, it also means I am worrying more. Doctors can't explain why!!
     
  9. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    Hi Suky

    Yet another younger wife, I'm 58 and hubby is 73. Husband is now in the moderate stage, and his cognitive ability has declined dramatically over the last year. I've just taken voluntary redundancy, as I was already starting to find it difficult trying to maintain my senior full time job role and also run the house and see to his needs. It was a huge decision for me, and although I know it was the right one, I do miss going to work. I'm now looking into finding some other means of mental stimulation for me. My local Alzheimer's society run various activities both for people suffering from all forms of dementia, and also for carers, you might want to contact them if you haven't already to see what is available in your area. Also my local council has a carers forum which also run activities/support for carers, so check out your council website for carer information.

    I'm also making new memories with my husband and we are still travelling on long haul holidays to far flung areas, although the end of these is fast approaching.

    If anyone knows of any good websites giving instructions on how to put together a memory book or life story please let me know, as I want to start work on one before it's too late.

    Welcome Suky, hope your journey with dementia stays positive for as long as possible.
     
  10. Suky

    Suky Registered User

    Jul 15, 2015
    7
    Rochester
    Hi tigerqueen (love the name).
    I would love to continue taking holidays, but I have found my hubby now gets so anxious at airports. He has also been displaying semi agressive behaviour towards other passengers which is embarrassing. I am thinking of trying again later this year but it has to be somewhere he knows. He cannot cope with new places. I have also now found that change in routine makes his confusion worse when we return. Any ideas to cope with this would be welcomed.
     
  11. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,921
    Suffolk
    #11 Spamar, Jul 16, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2015
    Suky, OH also slept a lot, sometimes 23 hours a day if I let him ( only when there was nothing else on!). Now he's in care home ( only the last few weeks) he's not sleeping quite so much, but he has deteriorated in other ways. I just assumed it was progression of the disease.
    As you say, it's less of a problem, although rather confining for me, if he's asleep!

    Forgot to say there are places in this country that specialise in holidays for people with dementia, plus others that cater for the disabled, which includes those with dementia.
    OH was a nightmare the last time we went on a normal holiday. The first week was OK cos we stayed with one of my cousins and she helped to look after him. But the second week we went to a cottage and the weather was terrible! Came home early!
     
  12. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    My hubby's confusion is also worse on his return for some weeks, but as we both get enjoyment out of our travelling, I continue to persevere. We have always loved to birdwatch so our holidays are challenging in themselves. When choosing the holidays I have to balance how much stress it will cause against how much enjoyment we will get from building another memory together.

    Recently I found that Airlines have special assistance schemes for free where they will assist you at various stages of the trip but obviously not personal things like taking them to the toilets. I find getting through the security section at the airport really stressful when we get separated, but a recent trip with Easyjet to Portugal meant that someone stayed with us both in Britain and abroad, and they made it so "easy". We have travelled lots so my hubby is happy to follow my instructions and is okay with other passengers although if he takes a dislike to someone he will say something "rude" about them. I also plan well in advance to consider accommodation and guides etc as I have learnt what works and what doesn't, through trial and error, but I also have to accept that the odd "accident" etc will happen and I need to be laid back about it. For these out of the way places I always travel with a company and wouldn't go it alone.

    If I can be of help with specific questions please ask, I'll answer if I can.
     
  13. Suky

    Suky Registered User

    Jul 15, 2015
    7
    Rochester
    Thank you so much for your reply. Everyone is being so helpful its making me cry ( in a good way): :)
     
  14. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    Hi Suki, it does get you like that when you first join. Everyone on here is so supportive it warms your heart.
     
  15. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Hi Suky, just a little thought here, but OH was tired and slept a lot but blood test showed folic acid/Vit B deficiancy, a 3 month course helped.
     
  16. Suky

    Suky Registered User

    Jul 15, 2015
    7
    Rochester
    Quik update

    Hi all
    My hubby is now in hospital. Doctor finally took notice of me saying he was sleeping too much and not eating. His blood pressure was so low she called an ambulance. Would not let me take him! He seems to have a couple of infections. Am hoping his memory will improve once these have gone but will not hold my breath!:eek:
     
  17. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Do hope the treatment he gets in hospital helps. Infections are a nightmare with dementia. Take the opportunity to get some rest yourself and let us know how he gets on. Will be thinking about you.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  18. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Welcome

    Welcome Suky.
    Glad to hear you have a supportive daughter.
    TP is a wonderful way to connect to other carers, creative ideas, and generally lots of support when the difficult times come.
     
  19. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Oh Suky. Do keep in touch, let us know how things go. Our hospital was lovely when we needed it at various times. I can never speak too highly of all who work there.
     
  20. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello Suky welcome to TP always someone here to chat with, l have found it a lifeline. Keep posting ☺
     

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