1. nic127

    nic127 Registered User

    Mar 8, 2011
    1
    london
    hi
    I've read loads of posts on here and felt it was time i registered. My mum, at 62, was diagnosed with alzheimers 6 months ago but i'm not dealing at all well with it. It's even more painful because my parents live in scotland and i'm in london. There are days when i feel so angry and down that all i want to do is cry but luckily i have a 2 year old daughter who keeps me busy and stops me thinking about it 24/7. I'm really close to my mum, we talk every day, but it's the reality of whats going to happen in the future which is impossible for me to come to terms with. My husband is fantastic but i need to talk to people who understand how i'm feeling.
    Thanks for taking the time to read this.
    nic
     
  2. CaPattinson

    CaPattinson Registered User

    May 19, 2010
    11,730
    West Yorks
    Hi Nic, it is so very hard. One day at a time is all you can do. I do understand your worry about the future, its only natural. Its heartbreaking. As you know you are among friends here, it helps to talk, so please keep in touch, you will get help and support and also be able to help and support others too. Welcome to the community :)
     
  3. florence43

    florence43 Registered User

    Jul 1, 2009
    1,484
    London
    Hi Nic,

    I completely understand what you're going through. My mum was about 62 when diagnosed, and the world seemed to suddenly change. From that point on everything felt different.

    It was such a big thing at the time, and the future seemed so bleak, I was scared I'd get swallowed up wit all the worry.

    I was also very close with my mum. Spoke everyday on the phone. I was so frightened of what she would have to go through and if I'd be any help at all.

    If it's any consolation, time seems to take care of a lo of things. 6 years down the line, I can honestly say those days were the scariest. You sort of learn as you go along. My advice would be not to learn too much about it now. This stage can be used to enjoy your mum as she is, before it gets worse. It doesn't all happen overnight, and the slow, subtle changes will give you chance to absorb the stages and adapt to her needs. I used to get so wrapped up in how she changed and how she would change further, but as with any illness, mental or physical, family and friends have no choice but to work around changing needs. And that's what you'll probably find...that you get "used to it".

    Shock at the diagnosis and fear of the future stay with you for a while, but they do become the new norm. Your mum will still be your mum, but with an illness. Most importantly, everyone who suffers this illness is different so try not to be scared by other's experiences too much. When I first joined TP, I assumed my mum would go through all the things I read of those further along the line. Bu she hasn't. Luckily, no wandering, no aggression, no sleepless nights. Just a slow deterioration.

    I could never be sadder than when I see my mum, but I carry on being her daughter and have adapted to having a mum with dementia. I too have a 2 year old (and 5 yr old & 10yr old!) and it's so true that they are my rocks. Cycle of life. Natural order of things...

    It's the fact that 62 is too young that's hard. Especially when we want them to see their grandchildren grow up. But the are those younger with dementia, and those much older, and no matter the age, it's a cruel disease. But I promise you, you will get all the support you could need here, and your baby, your husband and TP will get you through the present and the future.

    Please don't be too scared. You'll come to terms with it in your own time, but do just take time to enjoy mum without the "dementia cloud" changing the relationship you have now. Easier said than done, I know!

    Lots of love,
     
  4. ellejay

    ellejay Registered User

    Jan 28, 2011
    4,014
    Essex
    Hi Nic, Sorry you're feeling so sad.The only advice I would give is to try not to worry so much about what may be in front of you.Enjoy what you have today.None of us know exactly how things will pan out,so hug your beautiful daughter and your husband and know that your mum would'nt want you to be so unhappy. On a practical note, you could start keeping photos and stuff to make mum a memory box if a time comes when she needs reminding.Be kind to yourself. Lin x
     
  5. chucky

    chucky Registered User

    Feb 17, 2011
    968
    UK
    hello nic, the first steps are always the hardest. Dont worry about things that may or may not happen. All dementia sufferers, suffer different things at different levels and no two are the same. However, a lot of the things you go through as a carer can be, and thats when TP and support services can be a lifeline on days when you feel you cant cope. Its ok to feel angry and upset, its so hard to watch our loved ones decline so much, if we didnt care it wouldnt hurt so much. Take every day as it comes and face every problem as it arises. You have come to the right place for support,you will find it here in abundance. We are all travelling on the same journey so feel free to ask questions,rant,rave,cry, and laugh with the rest of us. i wish you well. xx
     
  6. larivy

    larivy Registered User

    Apr 19, 2009
    5,225
    essex
    hi nic welcome to TP you have already been given alot of good advise this is a great place and im sure you will get all the help you need here larivy
     
  7. Rosie

    Rosie Registered User

    Jun 10, 2004
    235
    South East Wales, UK.
    Hia Nic, welcome to TP, you are going to find this forum very useful, i had no-one to talk to when my mam was diagnosed, I came here to sound off, get advice, find comfort, its invaluable, my mam passed away 2009, but it is a long journey & my mam was 71 when she passed away but was diagnosed at just 60. please continue to log on, for support & advice, it was a blessing when I found it, everyone is so kind, caring & understanding, its like having a family behind you, be it a virtual one but welcome to you, best wishes Rosie xxx
     
  8. flowerpot

    flowerpot Registered User

    Hi, welcome to TP :) Everyone on here is so lovely and helpful no matter what the problem :eek::confused: Look after yourself, take care :) x
     
  9. mella-patella

    mella-patella Registered User

    Mar 6, 2011
    10
    Cheshire
    Hello

    Hi I'm new on here too. The support seems to be fantastic on TP. Just knowing that other people understand what you are going through is really comforting. Mum was formally diagnosed a month ago - but has had memory problems for two years. My parents live with us as Dad was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago and we wanted to make life easier for them (they have a granny flat). Never thought Mum would get ill like this and it just breaks my heart. I work full-time and have 2 children so life is busy. My husband is my rock and I don't know how I'd cope without his support. Life can be really hard but I'm trying to treasure each special day with my wonderful Mum and make the most of her 'good days'.
    Take care x
     

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